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My beautiful mum has just passed away :(

(45 Posts)
Hjb2410 Sat 27-Dec-14 01:07:10

My beautiful mum passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly on 23/12/14.
I'm absolutely heartbroken and devastated. I don't know what to do or how to cope with everything that's coming my way now sad

QuickSilverFairy Sat 27-Dec-14 01:11:07

Hjb, I'm so very sorry. You must feel bereft losing your lovely mum so suddenly. I hope that you are surrounded by family and friends who love you. Please know I will be thinking about you flowers

Archduke Sat 27-Dec-14 01:12:52

Oh no, Hjb that's so awful. You poor thing. Do you have other family around to support you?

flowers for you - I'm so sorry for your loss.

Merriboo Sat 27-Dec-14 01:12:56

hjb I'm so sorry. I lost my mum in September and it's just awful.
Prayers and thoughts for you

tyaca Sat 27-Dec-14 01:14:57

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. x

Hjb2410 Sat 27-Dec-14 01:15:54

I've got my dad and my brother and my boyfriend.
It's hit us so very hard and I don't know what to do sad
She did everything for us and I don't even know where to start let alone how to manage without her sad
My grandparents who are my mums parents are very elderly and it's hit them hard and I don't want to see them go in a home sad
I feel like I've so much going in in my mind I don't know what to do sad

Archduke Sat 27-Dec-14 01:20:17

Hjb one step at a time, love. Of course you are all knocked for six right now. You must be all in shock and barely able to start grieving let alone planning for the future.

Take your time, don't worry about tomorrow, or next week or when/if your grandparents need to go in a home, just concentrate on the here and now, take care of yourself and your db, dp and dad.

If your mind feels too cluttered just concentrate on sitting quietly and breathing for a while, until that feeling passes.

Hjb2410 Sat 27-Dec-14 01:23:18

I'm absolutely heartbroken sad I just can't get over it happening. I miss her so much already.
Everyone keeps telling me it will get easier but I can't see how it will..

QuickSilverFairy Sat 27-Dec-14 01:25:45

Honey, you have had a terrible shock. Try to take things very slowly, you don't have to make any decisions right now. I'm sure your heart is so very heavy right now, surrounding yourself with those that love you is the most important thing. It sounds like your mum took care of her parents. They must be heart broken as well. Can you all stay together for the time being? Are their relatives you can contact to help you make decisions about their care, when the time comes?

I am sending you hugs. Look after yourself as best you can during this time. Please try to eat and drink when you can...xx

QuickSilverFairy Sat 27-Dec-14 01:27:52

Hjb, are there things you would like to tell us about your mum?

Hjb2410 Sat 27-Dec-14 01:33:46

My mum did take care of her parents- she was there main carer.
Thankfully they only live a couple of doors down from us so we are all very close. My grandad has dementia and I don't know if he fully understands what's going on.

My mum was the best mum ever she was so kind and helpful and would do anything for anyone else. She was not only my mum but my best friend aswell. Me my mum and nana we were the three musketeers x

Notmeagain1 Sat 27-Dec-14 02:08:40

Hjb, I am so very sorry for your loss. You are allowed to be sad, cry, scream and be mad as hell for the loss of your beautiful mum. My heart goes out to you.

Lean on each other to get through the next few days.

Be kind to yourself and cherish the memories. Rest in peace hjb's mum.flowers

QuickSilverFairy Sat 27-Dec-14 02:26:59

She sounds fabulous. I bet she was well chuffed to have a daughter who was her best friend smile We read so many threads about mums/daughters at odds. You clearly loved your mum and shared a special bond. I'm hoping you might get some rest tonight. Take care..xx

Theas18 Sat 27-Dec-14 02:32:38

Much hugs for you op ((()))

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Sat 27-Dec-14 02:40:29

I'm so very sorry

It's just so awful and unfair

Please try to be kind to yourself, there are no right or wrong ways to get through something like this. As others have said just try to take things a day at a time or even an hour if needs be, you must be so overwhelmed but you don't need to decide or plan things right now

Your mum sounds so lovely xxxx

Italiangreyhound Sat 27-Dec-14 02:41:34

So very sorry for you, Hjb. sad

Please can I just say if you need more support there is a charity for bereavement called Cruse

You said My grandparents who are my mums parents are very elderly and it's hit them hard and I don't want to see them go in a home Try not to worry about this just yet. Your mum has died and you need to adjust to this new state of affairs, to remember her and all she means to you, to grieve and to share memories with your immediate family and wider family. Try not to worry about your grandparents at the moment, aside from the fact they are, of course, grieving greatly too.

Just so you know my mum has dementia and is in a home. It is really the very best place for her and I am sure with your grandparents you will all as a family make the wise decisions about their care when you need to.

Bless you.

Hjb2410 Sat 27-Dec-14 10:08:39

She hadn't been very well but it was just a chest infection and we thought she was getting better sad my dad said she went for a lie down because she was feeling tired.
But she didn't wake up sad I keep hearing it over and over in my head my dad trying to wake her and I had to carry out CPR and I can't stop the counting in my head sad
We tried but it wasn't enough sad

AnimalsAreMyFriends Sat 27-Dec-14 10:11:13

Oh sweetheart sad I am so sorry, what an awful thing to have to deal with.

Look after yourself, and take things one day at a time.

Sending love and strength x

Back2Two Sat 27-Dec-14 10:13:07

You poor thing. Keep going one step at a time right now.
Just get through the day.
[hugs] for the loss of your lovely mum.

MinceSpy Sat 27-Dec-14 10:16:54

I am so sorry for your loss. You did all you could for your mum, what a terrible shock for you all.

Shoegal0305 Sat 27-Dec-14 10:18:50

I'm so sorry OP. In tears reading it all I feel your pain I lost my dad suddenly at Christmas 20 years ago. He was my best friend. I'm living proof that time does change things, it will get 'easier' the pain will subside. You are trying to think too far ahead which is why you can't see past it. Time doesn't heal in a set number of weeks/months. It just 'happens'. Try and get through each day as it comes, one step at a time. You and your family will get through it, life has to continue despite what it throws at us. You sound like you're a close family. Much love to you all xxx

nuts2you Sat 27-Dec-14 10:18:52

I'm so sorry for your loss. How I wish I could do more than just typing those words. sad I feel for you.

Hjb2410 Sat 27-Dec-14 10:22:07

@shoegal0305
How do you manage?
I feel so lost and don't know what to do? All I want to do is stay in bed and not get up because then I'm starting another day and I can't do it without my mum sad

Shoegal0305 Sat 27-Dec-14 10:31:46

I don't know how you get thru it hunni, you just do, as what's the alternative? I wish I knew a magic spell or a formula I could give you. If you want to stay in bed, do so. If you want to curl up in a ball, do so. You don't have to be seen living your life as normal given what's happened.I'm trying to think what advice I'd give myself ....... I think I'd just say you have to take each minute/hour/day as it comes.you will be up and down like a roller coaster right now. I was. It passed in a blur I think our brains tend to 'forget' a lot as I can't remember much about the weeks after my dad died.talk about your mum a lot, try and share all your beautiful memories with your family. I'm going to PM you as things I want to say but not publicly....... Xxxx

QuickSilverFairy Sat 27-Dec-14 15:36:56

Thinking of you today. I wish there was a way to remove all the pain you are feeling. Grief is a strange thing, comes in waves, subsides a bit, washes over you again. You are still brand new to it, do what you need to to get through this time. Losing a beloved mother is so hard on the heart...(( hugs))

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