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Check in here if you are finding Christmas hard

(13 Posts)
googlenut Wed 24-Dec-14 10:27:09

Me! Lost my dad suddenly in September and I'm putting on a brave face for my three school aged children. But this is my first bereavement and I hadn't realised how much of the joy and excitement it takes out of celebrations. We will be ok, the kids keep me busy but its tough and shocking to feel the gap of him not there. Just thought it might be nice to have a place where we can all express our sadness and then go back to the brave face.

officelady Wed 24-Dec-14 10:52:22

Sorry for your loss, googlenut. It's very early days for you, and the "first" of everything is really, really hard so don't worry too much about little things, just get through it in one piece and your children will keep you going. This year is the third year without my mum and although day-to-day things are more or less back to normal, Christmas really brings home the massive hole she left behind. I totally get what you mean about the joy being taken out of celebrations. It's like every happy occasion is now tinged with the sadness that I can't share it with mum.
Thinking of everyone who has lost someone dear to them x

googlenut Wed 24-Dec-14 12:33:16

Thanks office - yes kids keep you busy which is a blessing. Sorry for your loss too - loss of a mother is a particularly difficult grief.

MrsPresley Wed 24-Dec-14 12:53:03

Another one who finds it hard.

My son died 30 years ago, his twin sister doesn't remember him, his other siblings were born after he died so never knew him. No one talks about him. I want to stay in bed but I can't, I don't want to celebrate but I do.

I went to the cemetery yesterday, I took his Christmas cake and I'll take his whisky next week, then I'll start another year without him.

In the meantime, the "happy face" will be on, and no one will know that my heart is breaking all over again.

My thoughts are with all of you who have lost someone you love flowers

princesstinx Wed 24-Dec-14 13:43:43

Me lily only died on 15/11 so it's pretty hard x

googlenut Wed 24-Dec-14 13:44:58

So sorry for your loss MrsPresley. Christmas makes these losses sharper and can't even begin to imagine doing it without a beloved child. I hope you can grab some moments of joy during the festive period.

WeAllHaveWings Wed 24-Dec-14 17:07:34

It is hard, I lost my dad at the end of July, getting a Christmas card from Mum signed just Mum took a minute to compute, then it hit me yet again.

Dad (his ashes) has been sitting in Mums living room since the cremation in August, we took him to the crematorium yesterday. Feels a bit like we've deserted him there. He will be interred in their Garden of remembrance between Xmas and NYE. Currently thinking of what to write on his headstone.

Trying to keep it upbeat for Christmas for ds(10), but at the same time asking him if he wants to come to the interment (he didn't want to go to the crematorium for the funeral service).

flowers and thoughts to everyone who is also finding it hard.

Sparkygal Fri 26-Dec-14 22:59:00

I found Christmas so terribly hard this year. I lost my mum at the beginning of December so it's still incredibly raw at the moment. We are all utterly heartbroken and my dad although just about coping, is just broken.

If I could have, I would have cancelled Christmas, but have 2 preteen children and absolutely had to carry on for them. So went onto autopilot and did the decorations, tree, presents etc.

We only had us 4 and my dad for Christmas Day (still set a place for mum). I really struggled and was very emotional but we got through it and it was a fairly peaceful day. My brother and his family came round for a bit later on too. My dad did so well too as he was clearly struggling himself. In his words - he felt "empty" sad

I think the worst thing on the day was, that my mum loved Christmas and always played a huge part in it - being involved with the kids, helping with cooking, clearing, chatting etc so mum not being there yesterday was like a massive hole in the day.

But .. It's done thankfully. Just have New Year to contend with now - usually all go to my parents on 1st....then the following months .. sad

smugmumofboys Fri 26-Dec-14 23:12:14

sparkygal I lost my mum very suddenly too (she hadn't been ill) at the end of November and we were just the four of us plus my dad yesterday. It was surreal and I'm not sure it's properly sunk in yet if I'm honest. DH said he felt as if she hadn't been able to make it. I still feel like she's just at her house and I'll see her soon.

It was a low key day and felt a bit flat. We didn't get upset and I put my happy face on for the boys (10 and 12), but it felt odd. We did talk about her though and that felt nice.

LadyGlen Sun 28-Dec-14 23:07:00

My husband died very suddenly at the end of November.

I felt a bit like that, Sparkygal - just get over Christmas and New Year. Then January and February, then it will be spring... Just endless months stretching on and on. And, I suppose, at some point I will feel better.

smugmum I realised something when I read what you said about your mum - I'm just waiting for him to come home. I haven't really accepted it yet, either.

googlenut Fri 02-Jan-15 23:59:54

Well Christmas has been got through but I always used to love Christmas and have felt flat and sad this year and openly bawled on New Years Day when it hit me that I wouldn't see my dad in 2015. Welling up just writing that. How did everyone else get on?

WeAllHaveWings Sat 03-Jan-15 09:16:24

Had a generally good Xmas, missed dad as he was always such a huge character at this time, a few tears now and again but got through it and had some good times too. Ds(10) had a few tears as he was very close to his grandpa and missed him being there. Hate that my dad won't be there to see, and be a role model for, him growing up.

Interment of dads ashes went okay, was a bit flat, felt disconnected from the whole thing.

New year was tough, left dh to it and went to bed and had a wee cry.

looking forward to the distraction of getting back to work/school and a routine again.

googlenut Sat 03-Jan-15 18:23:07

I think it's a blessing we are all busy mums as it helps to get through the days. My ds also had a wobble on Christmas Day - both of us just went up and lay on the bed for half an hour and mourned and then back to the fray.

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