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Bereavement counselling

(13 Posts)
googlenut Wed 17-Dec-14 20:54:00

My dad dies suddenly in September and had an awful last week in hospital where I was by his side constantly. I thought I was doing ok but Christmas approaching is hitting me hard. I had a bad day at work today and someone came up was kind and I just started blubbing. I'm thinking some counselling would be good but where do I start to find some? GP?

MrsBertMacklin Wed 17-Dec-14 22:07:00

Really sorry for you, OP.

I didn't get time to myself to grieve when my mum died, so had to suppress it. Then suddenly hit me like a tonne of bricks 3 months later, by way of panic attacks and lashing out.

I went to my GP, got a referral for CBT for the panic attacks and talking therapy for the grief. 12 weeks of 1 hour sessions. They completely turned things around for me, CBT especially, so recommend talking to GP asap.

Can you also explain to your immediate manager or HR team at work that you're going through a delayed reaction, just to make them aware that things are brimming in case you need to take an hour or two out of the office to find a safe space?

googlenut Wed 17-Dec-14 22:55:15

Thank you that's really good advice about explaining about delayed reaction. I will go to GP - did you have to wait long? My dads death was quite traumatic so feel I need to talk it through with a professional.

MrsBertMacklin Wed 17-Dec-14 23:06:25

IIRC I waited 6 weeks, which was good, as I was umming/aahing about doing counselling, so I didn't feel pressured to do it.

This is sound advice for all the 'firsts' and the bit about coping techniques - very in line with my counselling: whittling down general anxieties to exactly what is making you anxious.

Murdermysteryreader Wed 17-Dec-14 23:08:01

Please google Cruse they offer free counselling and you can even ring them up. They were useful to me when I had a traumatic death . Sending you warm wishes .

googlenut Wed 17-Dec-14 23:21:23

Thanks this is all helpful advice.

DorisIsABitPartialToSprouts Wed 17-Dec-14 23:29:48

I've waited 3 years. I've had my initial consultation and they have agreed to refer me.
I suggest you speak to your GP. I googled it and found a counselling service in my borough - it is a charity so if I referred myself I would have to pay but it is free if a GP referral.
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Christmas is the hardest time, my DF died a month before and I get where you are at. If you feel it would help, why don't you ask your GP to sign you off for a few days? Mine did and it helped me to get back to a place where I could speak to people from a more stable footing.
You will get through it thanks

googlenut Wed 17-Dec-14 23:51:30

Thanks Doris. It's my last day tomorrow and the off for Christmas so will try and have an easy day tomorrow and then some lovely family time over Christmas to help with healing. I think I could do with some sessions to help me process the events leading up to my dads death. It was sudden and traumatic and I had to make a lot of decisions with doctors. I think I was in shock at the time and am maybe only now processing things.

BackforGood Thu 18-Dec-14 00:06:34

Another option might be via a charity that supports families with whatever it was that your Dad went through.... Stroke Association or British Heart Foundation or the like, or Victim Support, or Brake, the road traffic campaigners ?

Sorry for your loss.
I too found I was fine at the time - you kind of go into 'coping mode' and deal with things that need to be done, and then it just hits you in waves later.

cathpip Thu 18-Dec-14 04:56:40

You can refer yourself, a lot of charity bereavement services run by local hospices do a self referral service, this service though can take quite a few weeks. Alternatively if you feel you need to speak to someone a lot sooner you can go private, my dh pays £45 for an hour for his sessions. I was told that it can take around 10 weeks for grief to fully hit you and for me this was true.

RojaGato Thu 18-Dec-14 09:06:45

My GP referred me to CRUSE , who were excellent (and free). Not sure if need a referral but it couldn't hurt.

They can see you quicker if you are able to make an appointment within working hours btw, they are hugely oversubscribed for after work/weekend slots. I went to them for about 16 weeks, then had a follow up few weeks a year or so later round a birthday of the deceased that brought it back a bit.

Agree that it can take 2 or 3 months to hit fully, then there are subsequent waves. One of the gps in my practice put me on anti-depressants. With hindsight I wish I hadn't just gone straight for the counselling as it actually processed it and move d me on, medication just numbed me, but everyone's different.

Murdermysteryreader Thu 18-Dec-14 09:44:05

You can ring Cruse yourself and they talk to you and book you in. I had a couple of really good sessions it helps as they are skilled at dealing with this.

OTheHugeManatee Thu 18-Dec-14 09:59:00

I'm very sorry for your loss, OP.

I volunteered for a number of years as a bereavement counsellor. My impression is that in our culture today there is an expectation that grief should end far more quickly than it actually does - before it really even arrives, in many cases. It's as though grief makes the people around the bereaved person quite uncomfortable - as though you should be 'moving on' after mere weeks. GPs are quick to prescribe medication for grief and the normal symptoms of bereavement, as though it were a clinical condition rather than a natural human response to the loss of a loved one.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is it doesn't sound to me as though there's anything strange or pathological about what you are going through. Three months is no time at all in bereavement and would typically be about the earliest point at which the reality of the loss starts to hit home. So there is no need to feel as though you need some kind of treatment to 'fix' yourself - unless it's something you want to do for your own support.

If you do feel it would help, as PPs have suggested Cruse is a good place to start. Have a google for bereavement counselling services in your local area, too - most are free or very low-cost based on the client's means.

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