Death of a young child - anyone in the same situation?

(59 Posts)
Galmum Tue 10-Oct-06 08:26:08

Has anyone out there recently lost a young child?? My 3 year old gorgeous son died in June of a childhood cancer - 2 years after he was diagnosed. Both dh and I are finding life tough at the moment. We're continuing to live life and do the best we can. I was 8 weeks pregnant when he died and so far everything is okay with the baby (I'm now 24 weeks).

OP’s posts: |
ggglimpopo Tue 10-Oct-06 08:40:45

Message withdrawn

dejags Tue 10-Oct-06 08:45:24

Oh Lord Galmum.

My heart goes out to you and your husband. I have no experience of this, but I expect that there will be other MN along shortly who can be more useful.

Just another one wanting to bump.

FioFio Tue 10-Oct-06 08:46:26

Message withdrawn

CastsSpellsWitchySpells Tue 10-Oct-06 08:47:42

Couldn't read this and ignore. My heart goes out to you galmum. Thankfully no experience myself, but I know that there are others on the site who sadly have. Try searching for posts from Amyjade, as I know she lost her daughter Freya to meningitus.

dejags Tue 10-Oct-06 08:54:31

Galmum, I missed a couple of vital things -

What was your little boy's name? If you can bear it, feel free to tell us what happened on here, otherwise, I am sure you will be directed to a load of good support.

Congratulations on your pregnancy - do you know what sex the new baby is?

fridascruffs Tue 10-Oct-06 09:09:56

So sorry to hear this. I hope all goes well with the new baby. Courage.

foundintranslation Tue 10-Oct-06 09:11:08

I'm so very very sorry for the loss of your son.

niceglasses Tue 10-Oct-06 09:13:41

Its everyones worst nightmare isn't it? My heart really goes out to you. I have no exp either, but I just wanted to give you my thoughts and love. Please God this new baby brings you new joy amongst your loss.

ghosty Tue 10-Oct-06 09:13:51

... Galmum ... I am so so sorry for your loss .... {{{{{}}}}}

franca70 Tue 10-Oct-06 09:15:19

Oh galmum, I'm so sorry for your little boy. I'm going to bump this for you, amd congratulations on your pregnancy.

Galmum Tue 10-Oct-06 09:40:33

Thanks everyone.

There is support out there, so before anyone goes off hunting around the internet, I probably already know about it! I'm very much in touch with the nurses and others that looked after my son and the midwife I'm seeing has been brilliant. In fact I can't speak highly enough of the NHS - everyone has been very considerate, even down to me having the same doctor do my 12 week, 16 week and 20 week scan, so that I did n't have to explain it from scratch everytime.

There is a group called Compassionate Friends that I've been to once and will probably go again. I'll give it a go, but it did n't seem very me. Everyone there had lost a child, but it was very wide ranging in experience and mainly women in their 50s. It ranged from one woman who had lost a 30 year old to breast cancer, some having had teenagers commit sucide and some car accidents. Let's face it - not a bundle of laughs. I found it very heavy going, but I think it depends on the people there that month, so I'm going to give it a try until the baby's born. It may sound odd, but I hoped for a bit of light relief in the group, as well as all the heavy stuff.

I'm doing pregnancy yoga and to be honest I'm finding that a great support. It really helps me relax and I enjoy it.

Obviously I'm missing my son terribly and that is not getting any easier, but dh and I do find peace from the fact that he is free from the disease and the hard times he had at the end.

OP’s posts: |
fairyjay Tue 10-Oct-06 09:51:17

I don't know what to say, but can't ignore your post.

It must have been such a dreadful time for you and your dh - thank goodness that you have your new baby to look forward to.

I hope that your happy memories of your little boy aren't drowned by the sadness of his loss.

winnie Tue 10-Oct-06 09:57:19

Galmum, I am so sorry for your loss

krabbiepatty Tue 10-Oct-06 09:58:36

Oh Galmum, good luck with your new baby. So sorry.

FioFio Tue 10-Oct-06 10:04:32

Message withdrawn

HELLisHeavenis Tue 10-Oct-06 10:05:37

Hi Galmum

I am sorry for the loss of you son. I haven't been in your position but wanted to post.
Come and have a chat to us at any time.

throckenholt Tue 10-Oct-06 10:16:15

there are others on here who have lost children in a variety of circumstances - and so will probably have a closer notion of what you are going through.

For me - my only experience of bereavement is losing my dad at 18.

My best advise is to take one day at a time, when that is too tough, one hour at a time, and cry when you need to - it helps. And believe that over time it will improve - you won't ever forget but you will find a place that you can live with. And try and highlight the good memories rather than the bad ones.

Marina Tue 10-Oct-06 10:21:34

Galmum, I am so sorry your son died
You said the NHS have been very good to you, did they put you in touch with anyone from Malcolm Sargent/CLIC? I just wondered if you might be more comfortable with a one-to-one befriender type support - groups of bereaved parents are heavy going and most people don't stick with them IME (I had a premature stillborn son and SANDS was very good to me, but I preferred meeting one person at a time).
As others have said, Amyjade is a regular poster who lost her dd Freya so hopefully she will see your thread.
Thinking of you XXX

redsky Tue 10-Oct-06 10:37:35

Galmum - I'm jsut so sorry for you. I can't think of anything to say that could possibly help.

NastyNemo666 Tue 10-Oct-06 10:41:00

Galmum couldnt pass the thread by without sending you tons of virtual hugs I can never imagine the pain you went through seeing your little boy ill and to loose him.

Wilbur Tue 10-Oct-06 10:44:03

So very sorry to hear about your loss, galmum. Do keep posting if it helps. I'm glad to hear your pregnancy is going well, take care of yourself and the bump. xxxx

Bugsy2 Tue 10-Oct-06 10:50:10

Galmum, so very sorry about your son. I can't even begin to imagine how sore you & your DH must feel. I'm not surprised you are finding things very tough - it takes a long time to grieve the death of someone so very precious & loved.
Thinking of you.

amyjade Tue 10-Oct-06 10:51:23

Hi Galmum

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.

My beautiful, 19 month old daughter Freya died in April 2005 from Pneumococcal meningitis.
Freya was a perfectly healthy toddler and in just 10 days she was gone.
I know how lonley you and your husband must be feeling right now. I remember the first few months after Freya died it felt like i was living in a bubble, i was so alone with my pain, i couldn't do anything without bursting into tears, even daily tasks like shopping were so hard i felt everyone was staring at me.
18 months on and i can say that i cope better with daily life, i miss Freya every second of everyday and although i can function better than the early days the pain in my heart is no less than the day she died. I know i will never get over the loss of my first born, precious little girl i think the grief will just become part of who i am and hopefully over the years i can think of Freya with a smile and forget the image of my little girl attached to a ventelator fighting for her life. I witnessed 10 days of my daughter suffering i can only imagine what you have seen in two years.

You mentioned the Compassionate friends and that the meetings where not for you. Please, please log onto their website and introduce yourself you will be amazed how many parents have lost children to cancer who were the same age as your son.
I have never been to a meeting but have made so many friends online that have lost children Freya's age. They have helped me realise that i am not alone and parents further down the line have made me realise i will get through this and one day i will be happy again just as you will.xx

Glad all is well with the pregnancy, i was 28 weeks pregnant when Freya died. I now have a wonderful 16 month old daughter Libby and am expecting baby number 3 in just 6 weeks !!

hurtsomuch Tue 10-Oct-06 11:00:32

Galmum AND amyjade, I really feel for you both and the tears I am crying are for your pain. I pray to god for you both. My DC are so very precious and yet I still lose my temper with them. Having read your posts I am going to try so much harder to be tolerant. I fequently shed tears of happiness about my IVF children, I love them so desperately, my heart goes out to you both. Sending you prays, love and hugs

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