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I'm struggling, it's been 6 weeks since Dad passed away

(7 Posts)
soupmaker Sun 30-Nov-14 11:33:57

My dad died in the middle of October. Wasn't unexpected but was sudden. Luckily I was visiting him and mum as the kids were off school.

Now I'm struggling.
DB and his wife are near mum, her sister is next door. My Granny, dad's mum, is still alive and close by too.

I'm 3 hours away.

I just can't bear the thought of Christmas and I need to get organised for our two DDs.

I just want to climb into bed today and sleep.

Everyone has been brilliant and family and friends have been so supportive.

But, today I'm really struggling. I can't bear the thought of Christmas. We have two small DDs so I need to get started on doing something for them.

We've also decided to stay in ours for the 25th as SIL will have 9 people for dinner so we can't impose on them.

Mum won't come down as then Granny is on her own

cdwales Sun 30-Nov-14 18:06:46

My Mum died suddenly out of the blue this time three years ago so perhaps I can offer a perspective?
First everyone is different and every set of circumstances too - so your path through the stages of grieving will be unique to you. Second accept that you are experiencing this difficult time of grieving (however it feels it is still that) and 'cut yourself some slack' - actually a lot of slack. Go easy on yourself and others who are also grieving. You may feel as though the world trundles on leaving your Dad behind and you in a sort of limbo.
Your DDs will not have clear expectations so don't worry about them - in fact little ones and their straightforward enjoyment of the here and now will probably help you to be 'mindful' over Christmas - focussing your attention of the immediate and noticing all the vivid things around you. I found it useful to think of my Mum as if she was there with me and what she would be saying - she would not have wanted me to be so empty but would have pointed out things she loved about her darling grandchildren.
But it is a long journey from now on. If things well up smile, draw some deep thoughtful breaths and say nothing or enough to get by and not make any impact. All the very best.

soupmaker Sun 30-Nov-14 23:32:35

Thanks cd. I had a really bad day yesterday as Mum had been down to visit and we were both upset most of Friday.

Lilamani Tue 02-Dec-14 04:31:29

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know what you're going through. My dad died suddenly three weeks ago. Getting through each day is hard enough. My mum lives some hours away. We'll be going to be with her for Christmas, but DH and I haven't even though of presents for our children yet. I've never felt less Christmassy in my life sad

Take care of yourself. flowers

StripedOss Tue 02-Dec-14 22:24:08

its still so early on in your loss.. i lost my dad early on this year and i'm still in the grieving process.

i ended up taking 3 months off work and spending some time away from everyone family/friends just to give myself time to grieve and come to terms with what happened.

The first few weeks are such a whirlwind of stuff and details and emotions, that when its over, everyone has done the funeral, sent the cards and flowers.. and suddenly you're left feeling lost, cheated and wondering how the hell you get on with your life without them.

I've spent most of today in tears on and off while finishing the shopping with mom, talking about putting the decorations up, wrapping the presents.. mom and i are trying so hard to make christmas special for the kids, but we're both very, very aware that Dad who was always a massive part of christmas isn't going to be here, and it hurts, fuck me it hurts so bloody much... and i'm 6 months further along the journey...

Just be kind to yourself, dont be afraid to cry, and dont be afraid to talk to your family and friends about your grief, its not going to go away, it will lessen, there will be some days you dont cry, and others that everything sets you off. I think it probably took nearly 3 months before i got through more than 2 days without crying.. now i can go a couple of weeks, and something stupid sets me off.

I'm sorry for your loss, but i do understand.. ((soup and lila)) flowers

soupmaker Wed 03-Dec-14 20:23:54

Thanks striped. I've had a week off work and think I probably went back too soon, but I need to be busy.

With two small girls around rest is never really an option but I just feel so tired. I'm still in tears most days.

StripedOss Wed 03-Dec-14 20:50:15

i understand the need to be busy, its only when you stop that all the memories and thoughts come flooding back, so you find something to do to stave it off.

I initially had a month off work to help mom and my brother put all dads affairs in order and arrange the funeral, then kept myself busy looking after mom, but i was falling apart, so took 3 months unpaid leave.

I pretty much just shut myself away, i dont think i spoke to anyone outside of my immediate family for a good six weeks or so (other than people on the internet smile)

Its good to stay busy, but do try and find time to rest too, or you'll make yourself ill!

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