I'm at the hospice and not angry anymore

[Millie3030]

Hi ladies, I posted on here before about my mum and her lung cancer. You gave me good advice to keep the anger in and just try and spend time with here as much as possible. I planned a surprise 60th birthday party at my house 3 weeks ago which was great, she walked in, was very surprised and happy and burst into tears. Took photos and she ate some food and chatted for a few hours, it really was a lovely day.

On Sunday night she took a turn for the worse and went to hospital, for a few days. The hospital have now moved her to the hospice where she will stay. They have estimated a week, I'm sitting in the hospice now holding her hand, which I've been doing since Monday in shifts with my sister and dad.
I'm actually quite calm, and feel very prepared for what's going to happen, I may be very naive and think I'm handling it better than I should be, but I'm trying to be strong, as my dad and sister are in bits.

May just use mumsnet to vent/share over the next few days, she is very comfortable and sleeping most of the time, but occasionally wakes up and sometimes says things that are coherent. I asked her yesterday if she was scared, and she said she wasn't scared just frustrated. I have also told her I love her several times and she said she loves us all too, but doesn't want to talk like that as it upsets her. (Mum is a very strong proud woman, and it is the first time she said she has loved me, that I can remember) it's actually quite lovely because I have held her hand constantly and rubbed her feet, cleaned her nails, wiped her face etc. I have never been so physical with her since being a small child, it's actually quite lovely feeling so close to her.

[magimedi]

What a lovely (but sad) post.

Make the most of this time & don't forget to eat & drink, especially drink. You may not feel like food & that is OK if you don't each much, but it is easy to get very dehydrated which will make you feel awful.

You are a lovely daughter & you will always remember & take comfort from being so close to your mum at then end of her life.

[cathpip]

Just remember that your mum helped shape you into the person you are today, and as she looked after and cared for you at the start of your life it is with heartfelt sadness that you are now doing the same for her at the end of her life. These next few days will be physically and emotionally hard but days that you will look back on and be pleased that you are able to do this and be there for her. Sending lots of strength and love, and remember what a fabulous 60 years your mum has had. Xx

[Millie3030]

Thanks ladies. Yes it's a strange flip reverse, she cared for my needs as a baby and here I am doing it for her. And magimedi, your right I don't feel like eating, I feel sick to my stomach, but I am managing to eat Xmas chocolate of an evening, at least that's something.

Very difficult in that my dad is really not handling this at all well. He is avoiding the hospice as much as possible and is rarely here, he has a bad heart and this isn't helping. I have no idea how I'm going to cope organising the funeral, registering her death, finding the paperwork for her plot at the cemetery all the stuff that's to come. My dad wants the house cleared of all her stuff and can't bear to look at her clothes etc, so it will need sorting ASAP. How do people get through this?

[Goldmandra]

How do people get through this?

One step at a time and by accepting support when it is offered.

There is lots of advice on the internet about the practicalities like registering the death and more will get handed to you in leaflets etc.

Sometimes having lots to organise makes it easier.