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I dread this time of the year and really really struggle.

(7 Posts)
cornishcreamtea Sun 02-Nov-14 10:49:21

It will be 11 years this January that I lost my DH to a sudden heart attack leaving me a young widow with 2 DCs to bring up. They have now left home, have good careers, are happy and I feel like I did my best bringing them up.
Meanwhile I retrained in a new career and met my new dp at work, although I resisted starting a new relationship for a long long time. My problem is that deep down I am never truly happy. My late DH truly was my soulmate and I constantly compare my current DP with him, which I know is unfair. Even simple things for example I had to go out the other night to collect something, my DP knows I don't like driving at night and yet he never offered to go for me. All the time I was driving I was thinking my DH would have offered straightaway.
My DH's birthday was in December, the anniversary of his death in January, I just feel like inline the winter months in a type of limbo, just getting by. Nobody wouk

cornishcreamtea Sun 02-Nov-14 10:56:00

Sorry pressed send too soon! I feel like I live the winter months in limbo, nobody would ever guess how sad I feel. I would like to go to sleep in November and wake up in March. I see everybody getting excited at Christmas and I just want my DH back with me. I feel as if I can't tell my DCs how I feel as they would be upset, and that it would be unfair on my current DP to know how I really feel.
My DM used to be a great help emotionally as she lost my Dad when I was young but she has died now and I just feel so bereft.
I should add I now have a gorgeous grandchild but when I look at him I think how much my DH would have loved him.
How can I start to live my life feeling happy? I can't spend the rest of my days grieving.

willowisp Mon 03-Nov-14 20:20:26

Sorry to hear you are feeling so sad & haven't been able to move on.

Do you ever feel as though you are with the wrong man ?

Have you had counselling ? Could you have counselling ?

cupofteaplease Mon 03-Nov-14 20:24:27

I'm so sorry, you sound terribly sad. I dread the Autumn, so I understand that desire to hibernate. I have no answers though.
It must be very difficult not being able to talk to your dp about things, as understandably it would upset him.

cornishcreamtea Mon 03-Nov-14 22:53:22

Thank you both for your replies.
I did have bereavement counselling years ago after my DH died and then I just tried to get on with my life. I am quite a strong person but have sometimes felt myself starting to feel panicky, but only when supermarket shopping at Christmas time. I suppose because subconsciously I don't really want to be doing it.
As far as being with the right man now, I suppose I feel nobody would really fill my late DH's shoes, so any man in my life would have a hard act to follow!

Hassled Mon 03-Nov-14 22:57:42

Would some of this awful sadness be abated if you were with a man who would drive at night for you? I think it would probably help. If you could find some sort of happiness then the impact of the time of the year might be easier to cope with.

Do you have friends you can talk to about how you're feeling?

defineme Mon 03-Nov-14 23:02:53

Do you think your dm's death has compounded or exacerbated your feelings? If you're feeling worse it could be that you're in need of counselling again.
Or it could be that you're with the wrong man, can you imagine feeling better without your dp?

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