Mum died - I am so angry

(14 Posts)
3littlerabbits Fri 12-Sep-14 13:30:07

The funeral was this week. This morning I am just shaking with rage and barely able to speak. I feel like I might start throwing myself around the room and screaming. She was passed away peacefully, there's nothing I should be directing this anger at. Has anyone else felt this? Any advice? My dad is inconsolable and I am enraged at him today for not making some kind of effort. I know This is completely unreasonable and wrong of me.

OP’s posts: |
rocketeer Fri 12-Sep-14 13:31:45

I am sorry for your loss. I can't say anything that will be helpful but I hope you know this is a totally natural reaction. Take time to heal slowly.

ajandjjmum Fri 12-Sep-14 13:51:39

I am so sorry for your loss. Grief follows no pattern, you are not wrong or unreasonable - you've just lost your Mum and your world has tilted. Take care of yourself.

noscat Fri 12-Sep-14 13:55:56

you poor thing, I am so sorry. I felt the same as you when my Dad died, but not when my Mum passed away - it is a natural and normal reaction apparently. Life is going to be hard for a while, try not to take it out on your Dad as he can't help his reaction either. And if you want to scream then do it x

PoppadomPreach Fri 12-Sep-14 13:58:53

I am so sorry for your loss. I have also been through the same loss, my mum dies in an accident so it was a case of here one day, gone the next.

The first thing is to allow yourself to feel however you are feeling (if that makes sense). As you know, your Dad is perfectly entitled (and expected) to feel a grief beyond all words, so let him, but let yourself feel angry.

Helpful advice I was given was "never ask why". It is so tempting to try to get to the answer to this question, but it has no answer, and only leads to more anger and heartache.

You will get to a stage where your grief is not overwhelming, but it is not a case of getting over it, it is a case of learning to live with it. That sounds pessimistic, it's not - I am mostly very happy now (several years have passed) but sometimes the grief (or anger) that is always there surfaces. In some ways that is good as you never, ever want to forget.

Just be easy on yourself, and those around you - pull together. I now have a closer relationship with my dad than I expect I would have had if mum had not died.


DrankSangriaInThePark Fri 12-Sep-14 14:02:24


cathpip Fri 12-Sep-14 15:43:29

When my mum died, I was angry at her for a long time. She passed away suddenly, and I was angry at her for going so suddenly. Everybody grieves differently, and although your dad is inconsolable, just being at the funeral will probably be a massive effort on his part. Take care of yourself and take things easy and slowly.

Middleagedmotheroftwo Fri 12-Sep-14 15:46:17

Surprisingly, anger is a fairly normal reaction when someone dies. It will pass in time, but it might help you to get some bereavement counselling in the mean time.

CaptainFracasse Fri 12-Sep-14 15:51:30

It's not unusual at being feel angry after the death of a close one.
Just remember that your dad is struggling like hell at the moment and find another way to renegade that anger.
It's not unreasonable or wrong for you to feel like this.
So sorry for your mum. I hope you will find more peace soon.

3littlerabbits Sat 13-Sep-14 09:10:24

Thank you all. At least this is normal then. I feel a bit calmer this morning so far. Just can't believe she is gone and even typing this seems insane.

OP’s posts: |
Morven11 Tue 30-Sep-14 13:40:20

Hope things are looking up for you, your dad and family, 3little. Just spotted your post. I wanted to say that when my dad died, I threw things against the wall and shouted and shouted. Now, I think that that anger was a real tribute to my dad. That his passing should invoke that - good old dad.

Actually, after I threw a book, or whatever it was, against the wall, I phoned the Samaritans. I was on my own and had to speak to someone. I talked to the chap at the end of the phone about my dad and I'll never, ever, forget him saying that he'd like to have met my dad and have a drink with him.

So, in my anger, I was able to talk about dad - and while, a long while later, I still miss him an awful lot and at times I really wish he were here to talk to and get advice from, I am much, much more at peace with it all.

Take care and time.

AlwaysWashing Mon 13-Oct-14 23:20:13

3littlerabbits I too am raging, I want to scream and break things. I have no advice as I've no idea how to deal with this either, just know you are not alone.
Try to distance your own feelings from your Dads, he must be in hell right now as I know my own Dad is and has to be allowed to grieve in his own way.

t875 Mon 13-Oct-14 23:53:01

This is normal especially after you feeling it so hard for your dads grief and loss I know as been through this after losing my mum suddenly 2 1/2 years ago. I remember launching a packet of chocolate biscuits and saying you don't want one now do you but shouting. I was really angry. As time went on and I had them times still do sometimes I do some fitness of some sort.
Please come find our thread losing a parent below this.
I am so sorry for your loss. Feeling for you and take each day in your stride surround yourself with people who care and will be there for you to be you. X

t875 Mon 13-Oct-14 23:55:27

To add I still miss her like mad but then gaps do widen and I can find times to smile and laugh about memories. I like to have the belief she is with me. But that's me And my belief xx

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