Just need some-one's shoulders to cry on for tonight

(12 Posts)
sadmumtonight Wed 31-Mar-04 21:08:24

I would normally cry on my sister's but as its her birthday don;t feel I could ruin it. It all started with my addiction to mumsnet, so here I am tonight looking through all the new threads. And I fine til I get to the funeral one, and then what would you play would you boogie on down to at your funeral. Well the point is it was my brother in laws funeral on monday and he was only in his early forties and leaves young teenagers. And although there have been a few tears over the years with the various ops and chemo and bad news, I didn;t have a really good cry at the funeral because I suppose I didn;t want to upset my dds. DH is supporting me, when I feel it should be the other way round. And I just don;t know what to say to sil or the nephew/nieces.

OP’s posts: |
bunny2 Wed 31-Mar-04 21:19:03

I am sorry you feel so down right now. That is tragic about your brother-in-law. I think someone young dying is so hard to cope with. Give yourself time to grieve and let dh support you, maybe he is glad of the distraction so he can put aside his own grieving till he is ready. Big hug bunny

Hulababy Wed 31-Mar-04 21:22:10

(((hugs))) So sorry you feel down right now. You have had a lot to deal with - feel free to cry now and start grieving

sammac Wed 31-Mar-04 21:28:57

sadmum, I am feeling kind of similar tonight. I just found out that my ex-fiance has died, in similar circumstances to your bil.

Obviously an ex of many years ago, but can't get it out my head all day, and not really wanting to discuss it with dh. Keep going through my head of all the 'times' we had together, like our 21sts, graduations and holidays, and our plans and hopes of life. Had a rotten nights sleep last night and dh was away, and not exactly the sort of thing I wanted to discuss on the phone with him. I did get back up about 12.30 and came back to mumsnet, but didn't feel like posting then

I don't have to deal with his family or anything, but am just feeling very sad.

Hugs to you and your families.

mez75 Wed 31-Mar-04 21:33:26

Im really sorry to hear about your loss. I felt the same about "DH is supporting me, when I feel it should be the other way round" when we lost DH's sister. It is so hard when anyone die's but when they are young and leave a family it seems so cruel. You feel free to cry on our shoulders. Take care (((hugs)))

WideWebWitch Wed 31-Mar-04 21:33:36

Sorry to hear this sadmumtonight. Being bereaved is awful.

lavender1 Wed 31-Mar-04 21:33:45

Oh, you poor love, that is very sad for someone so young and full of life. (((((((hugs)))))))))to you..I don't homestly know what you would say to them except that talking to them and just being there for them means so much at times like this...grieving can take months or even years, you can feel all sorts of emotions...like why did they have to go...please let all your feelings out if you can, crying is such a good way of releasing emotions (btw my father died 3 years ago and although older than your bil, it still hurts....but it shows we are humans capable of love...I sincerely wish you a lot of love at a time like this and hope that the days and ights become more bearable for you all...God Bless

sadmumtonight Wed 31-Mar-04 22:15:29

hello every-one thanks for replying. I feel I nned to maon & rant and have a b***y good cry tonight and tomorrow will be another beautiful day. Death brings up all sorts of feelings. Sometimes I wanted my DH to be like his brother,I also feel guilty because he was an in-law and not a brother and why so I be ffeling this way. And then in many ways I didn't really know him. Its not like DH growing up togther, and he's rembering things like walking past a football ground and x was a keen supporter. and then I remember things like being woken at 2:30 am when he became a dad for the first time (fortunately the second time he rang at a much more civilised hour). I guess I also feel so upset and useless for the ones he's left behind. I've never seen his parents so upset, even through the bad family times. All the cliches come to mind 'no-one should have to bury thier child' 'why do all the good guys die young' , and then things like he won;t be at the school concerts any-more. Or even to shout at for not taking the video back. and he was such a good dad and husband and son. right I'm off to bed and thanks for listening to me ladies.

OP’s posts: |
roisin Wed 31-Mar-04 22:23:49

hugs{} sadmumtonight, sorry to hear of your loss. Please remember to take as long as you need to grieve. <hugs>

throckenholt Thu 01-Apr-04 10:11:00

there is no right or wrong thing to say - just let them know that you are grieving too, and that they should never try and bottle up their grief - you all need to deal with it in your own ways.

sadmumtonight Thu 01-Apr-04 21:17:44

sammac - how are you feeling today??
had a b**y good cry last night - eyes were still puffy this morning. But feeling more myself. Talking about things this morning with the kids, and they said how moody dad was, so explained he was hurting but in a different way. I guess every-one sees a different view of death, to me the pain is for the ones left behind, the parents , his children and his wife. He was given weeks to live and him and his wife were going to go shopping and buy 18th birthday presents, and he was going to write letters, but as it turned out he was at the hospice after a couple of days and didn;t have the time to do anything. Saying that my aunt in her 70's has a list fo who is getting what furniture/jewellery eyc and has even written a letter for my eldest's 18th birthday!! But she was a geriatrian so I guess saw a lot of ill and very confused patients giving the same gold watch to more than one relative. I'm rambling here. but I guess we don;t know how much time we have got, and we should make the most of it and appreciate what we have. so I'm signing off sadmumtonigt and going back to my usual nickname.

OP’s posts: |
mummytojames Thu 01-Apr-04 21:19:43

ooh sadmumtonight HUGS

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