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Unsure on how to cope or who to ask

(13 Posts)
advice451 Fri 18-Jul-14 20:07:40

I am currently 22 weeks pregnant and I am 21

My grandma who I was extremely close to passed away last week after having a fall and suffering a large brain haemorrhage
This was so hard for me as it was so sudden and unexpected.
However this happened last Monday.. Last Tuesday as me and my father were planning my grandmas funeral my mum took her own life.
The shock is like nothing I've ever experienced. We were a close happy family and had so much to look forward to. My mum was so excited to meet her first grandchild.
It's all too much at once I don't even know what to do. This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life and I'm now just in a state of shock
I don't know when I'm going to accept it. I don't even know where to start grieving but I know I need to get this grief off my chest otherwise it'll get worse I think.

meerschweinchen Fri 18-Jul-14 20:17:30

I'm so so sorry. You poor thing. That's just terrible. I think everyone grieves differently and there's no right or wrong way to deal with things. It's completely understandable that you're in shock. I think anyone would be in those circumstances.

My Dad died suddenly three months ago, and I still feel as if it hasn't really sunk in. It still doesn't feel real. So I imagine your state of shock feeling could continue for some time.

Please be aware that you may be more prone to post-natal depression. A friend of mine was bereaved whilst pregnant, and has now been diagnosed with it. Not saying you will get it of course, but please look after yourself, and make sure you have people around you who can look after you.

I'm so sorry - I really feel for you. Words are so inadequate. There's nothing that anyone can say or do that can make things better.

If you feel like posting here, maybe that might help? Or talk to a counsellor perhaps?

Take care of yourself x

tribpot Fri 18-Jul-14 20:48:12

This is truly, truly terrible. I am very sorry for your losses. I have lost two colleagues to suicide and I have the smallest inkling of the terrible pain it inflicts, the horrifying shock of it.

Do you have a partner? I take it you don't have siblings, what about cousins? Close friends?

Please let your midwife know what has happened - such a terrible shock could push you into depression, and this needs to be managed properly. I know that sounds very clinical but you have practical needs as a pregnant woman as well as emotional ones as a grieving daughter and granddaughter.

These are very, very early days, please don't worry that you haven't yet begun to process it. Be very kind to yourself, accept all useful help offered. Keep posting.

Superworm Sat 19-Jul-14 08:43:19

How heartbreaking, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Losing two wonderful women in your life when you need them the most is devastating.

I've lost two friends to suicide and it's a complex grief. Lots of very mixed emotions. Do you have anyone to talk to ?

Please do speak with your midwives, they can work jointly with your health visitor to support you and your baby.

twentyten Sat 19-Jul-14 08:49:32

I am so very sorry. Speak to your gp re counselling- this is so much to deal with. thanksthanks

addictedtosugar Sat 19-Jul-14 08:56:22

I am so sorry to hear of your losses.
I agree with the suggestion you mention it to your midwife.
From my experience, it doesn't matter that you don't know what to do - there is no fixed path to grieving, and you should do what YOU need to do to get through this horrible time.
Talking to people on MN can help, but if you can find anyone in RL to have as a confidant when you need it, reminiscence when you need it, and a distraction when you need it, it can really help.

Misfitless Sat 19-Jul-14 08:57:12

advice so sorry to read what you're going through.

I have no advice, but second the advice of others to tell the midwives and keep posting.

Remember to eat. If I were you, I wouldn't wait for my next appointment, I'd contact the midwife asap and make an appointment.

Is there anyone in RL who can support you and your dad?

Superworm Tue 22-Jul-14 20:19:07

How are you doing op?

Mojito100 Wed 23-Jul-14 12:24:37

I am sorry for your recent losses.

advice451 Wed 23-Jul-14 15:28:39

I feel abit lost. I rung my doctors there's no appointments unless it's for an acute medical emergancy for 2 weeks. I have rung cruse bereavement team but the only help I've been offered is over the phone which I would much prefer to have face to face
Just want someone to talk to
I have friends and family. But I need that impartial person which at the moment I don't have
Both funerals have now taken place which makes everything feel worse. I'm no longer busy planning

mummylin2495 Wed 23-Jul-14 15:35:03

My deepest sympathies on your losses. I am not surprised you are struggling. We have a thread for people who have lst a parent if it would help in any way.

inabranstonpickle Wed 23-Jul-14 15:53:41

Oh my goodness, you poor, poor thing.

Suicide is in many ways almost a sub category isn't it - it isn't even like 'normal' bereavement.

I've no idea what to suggest but you are not alone. I'm impressed with how calm you sound flowers I wasn't even coherent after losing mine xx

Superworm Thu 24-Jul-14 09:26:02

Could you get an emergency appointment with the GP? I'm sure they would be more than happy to see you.

Otherwise your midwife may be able to provide some listening visits for you or put you in touch with a health visitor that could. I think it's really important you get in touch with a healthcare professional as your young, pregnant and struggling. It must be so hard. Do post here if it helps thanks

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