So glad I found this part of the forum. I find it hard to talk to anyone, so iv bottled alot up for the past year.
Last year I lost my dad, who has his own battles and I hadn't seen him since a teen. The day before he passed, he begged a nurse to find me, not knowing what to do she trowled social media with no luck as I'm not on much. As a teen I felt like he didn't put me first, he had his own difficulties and the last time I saw him I. Told him I didn't want to see him again, being that stroppy, hormonal adolescent. Looking back I understand his reasons, and realise he really did try his Damn hardest for me. And I live with the guilt of being that horrible teenager, he spoke about my alot though apparently with pride.
7 days after loosing him, my best friend died. It was hard, she had been in hospital a while and I badly needed her when I lost my father.
I saw two bodies of two people I love in the space of two weeks. I attended two funerals in a month. I didn't talk to alot of people and I remember uncontrollably crying, alot. My other half took time off work to help with our little one, I couldn't get myself back together.
Its only a matter of days till the first anniversary and I can't stop thinking about either. And it feels like I just want to cry my heart out, yet I feel silly telling the other half I'm crying over that again, I used to cry in the middle of the night and wake him, I used to feel so silly but he was always supportive of me.
Sorry for rambling, I just wanted to get my feelings out there, its been a while since iv spilled them to anyone.