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My husband died a year ago today

(18 Posts)
Churstondeckle Thu 05-Jun-14 22:58:44

All that raw emotion and grief came tumbling out again today-it just seemed so real-I remember that day so vividly-his boss turning up to say he had been taken to the hospital-me getting there too late-a perfectly fit 55 year old man had gone to work happy with his life -happy 55 yeAr old wife waiting for him to come home-3 grown up sons waiting to tease him on Father's Day-I have never felt pain like it-until today when I relived every single awful minute-I miss him so much it hurts.

3littlefrogs Thu 05-Jun-14 23:02:01

Oh you poor thing.
I didn't know your story until just now, but I couldn't see your post and not reply.
He sounds like a lovely man and you are his lovely family.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I hope you will be able to think of some good memories too.
Are your sons with you today?

Jellypudmum Thu 05-Jun-14 23:03:58

I'm so sorry for your loss and although I have no experience of what you must be feeling today, I wanted to send you a hug n tell you that hang on in there; the pain won't magically disappear but your grief is what makes his memory stay alive and will ease but inky in time. Xxxxthanks

Jellypudmum Thu 05-Jun-14 23:04:29

In time.

Linskibinski Thu 05-Jun-14 23:14:52

A year is no time at all. My ds lost her dh suddenly, it's so totally traumatic for you isn't it? Her grief like yours was like a physical pain, so very hard to bear I'm sure. Whilst noone loved him like you, I guarantee there will be others who will be thinking about him and missing him too today. It's so awful to suffer such loss so unexpectently. I hope you have someone to reach out to physically in real life, but in the virtual one I'm reaching out my hand for holding. I loved my dbil more than I realised and miss him constantly. I can't take your grief or pain away but I will be thinking about you and hoping you get through today. thanks

Linskibinski Thu 05-Jun-14 23:16:04

* unexpectedly damn phone

CharmQuark Thu 05-Jun-14 23:23:37

How completely shocking, Churston.

I am so sorry.

Churstondeckle Thu 05-Jun-14 23:29:24

Thank you-I have been really strong this year but the last few weeks I knew this day was coming and I have been teary but I walked up to the crem today and saw his name in the book of rememberance and when I got out on to the path I just howled and broke down-my lovely boys were with me but have not seen me like this-I am strong during day but alone at night when I can let it out. I feel okay now but just so cheated out of the wonderful life we were going to have-thank you everyone-sometimes it's easier to talk like thi so here than to family and friends xx

Linskibinski Thu 05-Jun-14 23:33:07

Hoping tomorrow is a better day. thanks

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 05-Jun-14 23:41:31

Anniversaries are always hard. Been 3yrs since my dh died at 37 and the week or so before I'm always weepy

I hope you had someone to be with today and I hope you don't mind me saying that but the pain doesn't go away but you learn to cope better as time goes on

Not sure if you are a member of way up / but worth joining them x

dwinnol Thu 05-Jun-14 23:41:42

I'm so sorry you lost your beloved husband like this. And I can confirm a year is nothing in the grieving process. Hang in there Churston it won't get better but you will cope with it better. Xxx

CocktailQueen Thu 05-Jun-14 23:45:36

Hugs to you. It sounds as if you were a lovely family. Thinking of you. The grief does get easier in time.

charlieandlola Thu 05-Jun-14 23:52:37

I'm so sorry for your loss . The first anniversary I think is the worst as you relive it all in real time. Grief has no timescale but I think it does get less raw as time passes. Be kind to yourself and let the tears flow - it's healthy. Try to remember the good times as well, they will come to you as well I

Agggghast Sun 15-Jun-14 22:01:27

So sorry, this is our third Father's Day without DH, it does get easier to cope with but days like anniversaries are always hard. It will get to the point that some days you just remember the love and not the loss. Take care.

BBQSteak Sat 02-Aug-14 23:21:06

much love to you
thought you might get this

one year

one year will pass
i can feel it edging closer
how will the world seem then?
it wont have changed as we have
how could it?
12 months are not enough

some say times a healer
we know that isn't true
12 months, 12 years 12 lifetimes
wont change things for me and you
but now we know we are not alone
but the world is not as we thought
there are hearts as ours that have suffered so
many that are torn apart

one year will come and then be gone
some will notice then move on
yet however many years go by
our tears will fall and we will cry
together forever my love
to some we may try to explain
to others we may not
about the pain the grief and the loss

and then i guess another year
will be here and gone
and the world still wont look
as it once had done

but one thing will have remained true
thats the love between me and you

Agggghast Wed 10-Sep-14 21:30:56

I am over three years in to this hideous journey and my advice is to be kinder to yourself. It is ghastly but it does get more bearable over time, not better but you learn to live with the happy memories and to sideline the dreadful ones. Good luck.

Hassled Wed 10-Sep-14 21:32:49

I'm so sorry - for you and everyone who's had to go through this. Anniversaries can be so hideous.

Chopsypie Wed 10-Sep-14 21:37:45

So sorry for your loss - I've copied the below which really helped me during a recent loss.

“Grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.”

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