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Coming up to a year-the tears won't stop

(8 Posts)
Churstondeckle Mon 19-May-14 23:09:21

I was ill in hospital last year-I was so poorly-my husband wonderful as ever-the week befor I was due to go back to work- his boss came to the house and said my husband had been taken to hospital- I got there expecting him to be moaning about the fuss-as soon as I saw the doctors face I knew. He had died instantly at work.its taken me a long time to stop crying but in a week or so it's the anniversary and I know I will relive every second of those days and my eyes Re filling up just thinking of it.i feel guilty for having moved on and I feel immense anger that I have been cheated of a future-so many emotions-I feel as raw as I did on the day-I think people have moved on and it's been a year but my heart is breaking

Forgossake Mon 19-May-14 23:27:16

I am so sorry about your dh. With a first anniversary approaching, it's no surprise you are feeling so raw. You must not feel guilty for moving on. Your lovely dh would not want that. And he will always be in your heart. Holding your hand flowers

Mojito100 Tue 20-May-14 14:44:35

My thoughts are with you. It is so very difficult.

newnameforanewstart Tue 20-May-14 15:41:22

I´m so sorry for your loss.

Firsts are hard, first Christmas, anniversary, birthday etc and I know that my world has stopped whilst everyone else ´s world is still turning so well. A year is no time at all for grief, grief takes the time it needs there is no time limit on it. The only hope I can offer you, is not that the hole gets smaller - I don´t think it does but it does get easier to side step it, the good memories eventually come without the tears and the pain becomes less like a raw weeping wound and more tolerable, you take all the time you need.

I remember the feeling of not losing the love of my life, but of losing my life. It was like I barely existed for a long long time, to see everyone else happy it was like body blow after body blow, it seemed so unfair. I felt angry and like I was bleeding and nothing would every be right again, like I would never feel whole again, that other people were building new memories that I (we) would never get a chance at, that life had cheated me out of happiness.

It does get better, you will find yourself laughing and smiling again (I know at the moment that seems impossible), but it a long and winding road and it takes a long time to walk it, and I certainly felt like I was walking it alone carry a burden I could barely bare on a never ending up hill path. You are not alone, there are other people that understand and whilst we can not do much to easy to your pain we can offer a shoulder to cry on a tissue (or a thousand) and a hand to hold.

Would you like to talk about your DH?

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

newnameforanewstart Tue 20-May-14 15:46:20

PS: this helped me

whatever you are feeling is the right thing for you to feel. Grief is a roller-coaster some days are good and some are terrible but have to go with it even when you don´t want to. Take each second, minute and day as it comes, except your emotions and allow the tears to fall because you have lost someone you loved. Allow the good memories to make you smile because you have loved and been loved by someone amazing.

Hope it helps you too.

Leakingwellies Wed 21-May-14 07:06:06

I'm sorry for your loss. You sound utterly bereft and i understand how you must feel cheated. My husband died nine weeks ago and I thought I was doing ok but spent yesterday literally sobbing all day. Got to get up now and get three kids off to work/college/school just feel like crawling back under the duvet. I hope you have support in RL and someone you can talk to. Please take care and know that you are not alone x

Borntobeamum Wed 21-May-14 18:19:22

I am so sorry to read this. I hope you can spend some time with family, talking about your dear husband and remember some happy times too.
Lots of love x x

waterlego Wed 21-May-14 18:25:04

I am so sorry for your loss.

I don't know what it is like to lose a partner, but I have had a different bereavement, and I have heard that anniversaries tend to be very difficult for many bereaved people.

If you would like to talk about your DH, I'd be glad to hear what he was like.

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