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My wonderful friend - feel that life is never going to be good again

(7 Posts)
Octopus37 Sun 11-May-14 21:28:53

My wonderful friend died three weeks ago tomorrow (Easter Monday). She was a day off 49 and died in her sleep from a brain haermorrage. She was one of my closest friends and a lot of people knew her as my best friend. She has left behind two beautiful girls aged 6 and 11, the funeral was 10 days ago and was obviously heartbreaking. We bonded on so many levels, she didn't have her Mum around (her Mum is a nightmare), my Mum died 12 years ago, we had both suffered greatly from low self-esteem due to similar problems, sibling rivalry and problems at work. We both found Motherhood difficult. I loved her so much and was supporting her through a divorce, ie going to appointments with her, supporting her, she even spent Christmas day with me and my family last year, she couldn't face doing the whole happy families thing with her ex-husband. My and her ex-husband hadn't been speaking for a long time, he resented the support I gave her, he was emotionally abusive, left her with very little money, v low self-confidence - we are talking now and are meeting in the middle for the sake of her two girls. My Son (nearly 7) is struggling with his grief as well, he is in the same class as my friend's daughter and we did the school run together every day. I know people on here have suffered far greater losses, but right now (although I know the loss is really about her two girls who I will always be there for and will do anything to help), life just feels so unfair. I already lost my Mum when I as 27 and I don't really have a proper relationship with my Dad due to his bitch of a girlfriend. TBH I just feel this gaping hole and I feel awkward in the playground at school, I'm scared that people feel sorry for me as we were always together which doesn't feel good. I am trying to be strong and talk to people (obviously without forcing myself on people) just to try and be normal, but I am scared people might feel that they have to talk to me and be nice cause of what has happened. Last night I went out for a meal with some other friends and I saw a really vivid rainbow out of the window, I really want to believe that was Jo, sometimes during my stronger times, I believe she is giving me strength. I know my priorities are to be there for my boys (am arranging counselling for my eldest DS and obviously giving him lots of tlc, be there for her girls and make the very best of life - but it is so dam hard and I truly believe right now that life will never be that good again, although I do have other friends and some supportive family members. Sorry just had to get this out.

mytwoblackandwhitecats Sun 11-May-14 22:42:50

Never apologise for saying lovely things. Your friend sounds special and wonderful and so do you. My own loss is also very raw and the future just looks like a big black hole. I wish my mum had had a friend like you - well she did, I know, but we all lost touch through house moves and so on, you sound as if you will continue to support her girls flowers xx

feathermucker Sun 11-May-14 22:57:41

Just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for your loss thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks

justmuddlingalong Sun 11-May-14 23:22:39

I was given this quote when my best pal of 20 years died. “I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.” Sorry for your loss. flowers

Jinsei Sun 11-May-14 23:53:12

I'm so very sorry. Life can be so cruel sometimes.

RabidFairy Sun 11-May-14 23:58:32

I'm so sorry for you Octopus
A true friend is a great find and the loss of your friend, especially so suddenly, must be terrible to bear. I wish you and your family well thanks

Octopus37 Mon 12-May-14 08:23:12

Thank you all for your kind messages. My thoughts are with those of you who are also struggling to recover from loss

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