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Toddlers and bereavement

(4 Posts)
ColdFizz Wed 30-Apr-14 09:21:54

Hi, I lost my grandad to cancer just under a month ago. I dont think its sank in properly yet and its still hard but were taking things day to day.

My just turned 2 year old was really close to her great grandad as we visited most days. She keeps asking for him and it breaks my heart everytime she does. I have tried to explain how grandad is in the stars now but I think shes way too young to grasp the concept. Ive started to show her a photograph now everytime she asks do you think this will be helping? I dont want her to forget him.

The other day when we was at my grandparents house she asked for him then said 'Grandad gone' so she has noticed hes not around anymore. Is there anything else I can do to explain when she asks for him?

Thank you.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 30-Apr-14 19:20:49

Only a month ago, I'm sorry. If you feel up to reading a book with her touching on this I have heard "What's Heaven? " by Maria Shriver recommended.

As young as she is if you feel sad or upset don't automatically think you need to hide it. She may intuit you're unhappy or revert to more babyish behaviour as a tactic to feel secure.

The photo is a nice idea.

If you are visiting the house she connects with him, she may still expect to see him.
Try and stick to routines she is used to.
She may ask about your grandad for some while even if you have explained. Or something will trigger a question.

Keep it simple, "(Her name for him) isn't here, I miss him".
Lots of hugs and cosying up.

ColdFizz Thu 01-May-14 11:30:57

Thank you Donkeys some lovely advice there. Will take a look at that book smile

I must admit I have tried to hide my upset from her but on a few occasions I have been unable to.and was touched at how much empathy she showed for someone so young, wiping my tears and saying dont cry Mama.

She always runs to where his hospital bed was in the house and asks for him but in a way im glad because it shows she hasnt forgot him.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 01-May-14 11:50:17

Someone whose threads I follow was saying just that about her 3 yo, very affectionate and consoling when the mum is struggling.

Hope you are doing okay - your LO probably gave her ggrandad so much pleasure .

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