cant belive my own mum!!

(23 Posts)
pinkranger Tue 22-Aug-06 13:32:00

Just feel that i need to rant about this. I had a missed m/c last week and was followed by a D&C on thursday. At the time my mum was visiting family and knew all that was happening as me and my dh were keeping in touch and leeting her know what was happening. She arrived hme saturday afternoon and i havent seen her. She rang to see if i was o.k on saturday, said yes , she was going to come down on sunday but we had plans to go out that i wanted to still do and we had to pick up 3 yr old for in laws, this was fine with her butr i havent heard or spoke to her since. She dosnt work, they have transport and she only lives 20 mins away -My dh is fuming mad at her as he cant belive that she has done this ( my mum is quite a selfesh person and never offers to have our son but thats a different matter ) i feel so alone now and never thought that my own mum could make me feel more alone!

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pinkranger Tue 22-Aug-06 13:32:20

sorry about bad typing/ sp xx

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Dior Tue 22-Aug-06 13:33:15

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Xena Tue 22-Aug-06 13:35:09

The first thing that my mother said to me when she saw me after my mmc was 'aren't your hands dry' wtf? some people just don't know how to deal with things. My sister has never said anything about it. (she lives at the end of my road)

pinkranger Tue 22-Aug-06 13:35:45

i ll make sure i wil never ever do that to my children - ever

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pinkranger Tue 22-Aug-06 13:37:10

my sister has been fab , she was there when i done PG test and she was also away with my mum but managed to see me saturday - 2 hours after the ygot home!!

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mellowma Tue 22-Aug-06 13:47:21

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pinkranger Tue 22-Aug-06 16:34:00

it just makes me wonder - glad me and dm and Sooooo different

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Blandmum Tue 22-Aug-06 16:36:05

You have all my sympathy.

I had a missed m/c over 10 years ago.

My mother said to me, 'Never mind, whay you never have you can never miss'. I could have hit her. It still hurts

pinkranger Wed 23-Aug-06 10:15:07

heard form mum last nigt , because my sister rang her to tell her i was upset i might add!
She said sorry she hadnt been down they were cutting trees in the garden FFS - how long does that take , when i said that i was hurt she hadnt been down she said that it takes two and i could have gone to see her!!!!!!!! My mother is slowley burning her bridges!!!!!!

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Dior Wed 23-Aug-06 14:49:15

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snowleopard Wed 23-Aug-06 15:00:53

I know someone whose mum refused to be with her when her baby was born (she didn't have a partner) because she "didn't like to see her in pain". wtf? But maybe that is what's behind some of this - some mums just don't know how to handle it.

Sorry to hear of your loss PR. Hope you can get all the support you need even if your mum is being useless.

JML Wed 23-Aug-06 15:17:08

After my particularly harrowing miscarriage my mother said to me 'Well, I've had a terrible night. At least you've got [hubby]- I haven't got anyone'. Like I was supposed to feel sorry for her! She also rattled on about how she'd lost a grandson. I think it was because she was peed off that I didn't collapse sobbing into her arms and start apologising when I saw her.

I still get angry about it 2 1/2 years on.

pinkranger Thu 24-Aug-06 17:41:36

Thanks gous - jml sounds just like my mum! Went to sister yesterday and my sis invited her round and she didnt come, havent heard from her since, feel that if i ring her she has got her own way! as she is so stubborn, dont know what to do for the best.??

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candygirl Mon 04-Sep-06 10:20:53

hi pinkranger ! reading your thread at first i thought it was me who wrote it ! i also m/c just over a week ago ,when i came home from the hospital finding out i had m/c through a scan .i rang my mum to tell her and i was in such a state on the phone that she was shouting at me to calm down and stop saying the things i was saying about myself as i was really blaming myself ,anyway she came round in the afternoon didnt say a word about m/c left and spoke to her about 5 days later when she rang to ask me something then sed wots the matter you sound like youve got the hump (huh wonder why !) just told that i felt let down and 1 phone call would ave been nice .she replied you usaslly like to be left alone.anyone who knows me no i like to be around people all the time .my dad died 12 yrs ago and i helped my mum for 10yrs then she meet her new man now theres no one on this earth except them two. i hope you can work things out with your mum ,if not there are other people out there who love you ,just appreciate them more .and learn from your mums mistakes ,as i have .i will always be there 4 my daughter no matter wot !

Mum2FunkyDude Mon 04-Sep-06 10:25:57

So she was away when it all happened, she returned on Saturday and phoned you to ask if she could come over, you said no, you had other plans on Sunday and it is now Monday morning and you think she did something wrong?

hollys1mum Mon 04-Sep-06 15:31:37

the worse thing about a battle of the wills is that ultimately, they are your mum so you feel like you have to give in, even when they are in the wrong and quite clearly know it! but then when you begrudgingly contact them, they still manage to act as if though they have not done anything wrong! or worse still, that you are in the wrong. i hope you manage to sort this out it is a difficult situation. obviously your upset and could do with a bit of support from the one person qho should offer it without asking!

pinkranger Tue 12-Sep-06 13:14:42

Mum2funkydude , it was more the point that she hadnt rang me ( it was tuesday btw and i speak to my mum everyday!) - I when i did tell here that i was hurt, she then turned it to be MY fault .
I am sad to say that that i still havent spoke to my mum ,and its turned into eaxcatly the situation you descride hollys1mum, She did excatly the same thing last year to my sister about something major that had happend in her life and they didnt speak for Months. I want to be talking to my mum but i still feel angry that the one tiem in my adult life when i need her she wasnt here for me and this may sound childess but if i ring her she has got her own way again!

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candygirl Tue 12-Sep-06 19:53:23

hi pinkranger,im sorry u still avent managed to sort things out with your mum yet ,i to am still not on proper talking terms with my mum .i have seen her but shes still not interested in wot has happened to me,i can hardly bring myself to talk to her i feel so let down by her,as you must be about yours.none of my family have been interested this time ,maybe i am feeling to sorry for myself ,i dont no .i hope you are feeling ok and recovering from your m/c . take care !

pinkranger Wed 13-Sep-06 09:28:59

Thanks Candygirl , sorry to hear you are in the same situation ,its just awful, My sis has been great but she is the only family i have... feel sorry for my DS who is nearly 4, as he hasnt seen her , Would never ever dream of not letting him see her, might get my sister to take him round there ( but he hasnt mentined her either! ) Keep you updated.

I have recovered well now thankyou, My Af is arriving Which is good - Could I ask you a question (TMI) was your first AF after m/c normal??? Mine seems to be really light and a long time coming?? TIA xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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firststar Wed 13-Sep-06 12:55:37

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pinkranger Wed 13-Sep-06 12:57:16

thanks firststar x

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candygirl Thu 14-Sep-06 14:03:28

hi pinkranger ,sorry am geting used to all the short ways of writing ,m/c,dh,ds etc is about all i no so far ,so not sure if i understood your last message right.(sorry if i seem thick).i think your asking me about my 1st period after m/c ! usually they come within the 4 wks ,but last time it took about 3 months i was really starting to worry ,but the doctor said it can take a while for your body to get back to normal,and usually i have a normal period but last time it was very light and didnt last long either .i hope i have answered the right question ,sorry if i haven't, just leave me another thread correcting me .im sory things are still not good between you and your mum,your mum should at least make a effort to see your ds,my dd really resents my mum for not seeing her anymore,lucky for your mum your ds is to young to totally understand .mums eh ! take care ! speek soon xx

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