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My mum has died suddenly I feel lost

(15 Posts)
mumof2monsters Fri 04-Apr-14 21:27:27

My mum died 2 weeks ago and her funeral was yesterday. I am really struggling with it all. She died suddenly at home all alone which was her worst fear. It was sudden no illness. Thing is I have since been told by one of her friends that she was frightened of dying alone.
I live 80 miles from her so did not see her often but we spoke every other day. She was sometimes hard work and I am feeling so guilty for thinking that whilst she was alive but it was difficult being so far away working and having a young family .
The funeral was hard yesterday and as she lived in a council house I had to clear it out last week which ordinarily I would have waited until I was ready.
My dad died in this home too and I feel like I am grieving for him as well as both my parents are now gone. I miss my mum so much already and when I saw her in the chapel it did not look like her and this is haunting me.
I have already forgotten what she sounds like and I just cannot imagine my life without her and the fact she was alone. I feel so lost.

I couldn't read and run. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know what you're going through

McPheezingMyButtOff Fri 04-Apr-14 21:35:02

Lots of love coming you're way xxxx

mummylin2495 Fri 04-Apr-14 21:37:46

I am very sorry for your loss. When and if you feel up to it please come and join us.

here

usualsuspectt Fri 04-Apr-14 21:38:11

So sorry, be kind to yourself X

susiedaisy Fri 04-Apr-14 21:38:44

So sorry for your loss. thanks

Primadonnagirl Fri 04-Apr-14 21:42:49

I'm so sorry. Words are useless I know and all you can do now is let yourself grieve. But in time you will realise your Mum knew you loved her and although she didn't want to die alone because she passed suddenly she wouldn't have known it..and anyway she wasnt alone..she had you in her life and would have wanted you to get on with yours. Speaking to her so frequently she mst have known you cared so much. And we are all difficult at times but that never puts off the people that really loves us. Be sad. You should be.Bit remember you won't feel that way forever

SerenaJoy Fri 04-Apr-14 21:43:01

I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost a parent suddenly, I know what a horrible shock it is.

Take care of yourself flowers

Eebs Fri 04-Apr-14 21:47:54

I am so sorry. My mother did not die suddenly but I lived far away and did not see her often as I was pregnant with a 2 year old and a job. I had to rush to her side for the last few days which were sudden. It was so very sad and I recognise all the things you say, not being able to remember her voice and wondering how it will be without her, the guilt. 4 years on I remember all that but I am fine. In fact I was fine once the shock wore off. The shock was terrible. I have moments of sadness but day to day it is ok. The period of grief you are in is very difficult, very difficult. Healing will happen.

Doilooklikeatourist Fri 04-Apr-14 21:48:38

So sorry to read this .
But you shouldn't be dealing ok with it , it's normal to feel a great loss like this , my Mum died 12 years ago after a long illness ( bowel cancer ) and I'm sure I cried for her every day for at least a year .
We sorted all Mums belongings out very quickly ( too quickly , looking back ) but it had to be done , as you have had to sort it out as well , it's too soon .
When's her birthday ?
Can you arrange a lunch out with friends , remaining family ?
Do something she'd have liked to be part of ?
Even if it's just a day shopping and then the cinema ?
Try and think of the happy times you shared .

I am sorry for your loss.
You are allowed to be sad, and the guilt is part of it, we all have something to feel like that about when somebody dies.
It helped me a bit when I realised that although he had gone, there were still things that I could do for my dad. It sounds silly, but he loved birds and so I feed the birds for him. And I try and keep his presence alive for the dcs by talking about him and the things he liked and the books he read. DS had a thing from his toolshed to make holes in conkers. DD has his photograph on her bedroom wall.
You could write down bits about your mum that you want to remember. You haven't really forgotten her, I thought that too about Dad. But the memories came back when the shock wore off. I think you must be in shock too.I am so sorry.

t875 Fri 04-Apr-14 22:01:09

So sorry for you loss. Hugs to you. I know what you are feeling with the suddenness of loss. Come join us on the support for a parent thread I don't honestly know what I would have done without them at the darkest times. Big cyber family. Thinking of you x

frecklyspeckly Fri 04-Apr-14 22:16:21

So very sorry for your loss, I hope you find comfort and strength in the wonderful posters and suggestions here. There is for me huge comfort in continuing rituals of things I did with my LO s as one of the above poster expressed with feeding the birds, once the initial shock wears off. A degree of healing however difficult and unbelievable it may seem, will begin in time.

mumof2monsters Sat 05-Apr-14 10:17:35

Thank you to you all for your comments . I have been so busy for the last two weeks since it happened that now I have time to think about it all, I feel so list and sad . She loved all animals and feeding the birds as a couple of you said so maybe I can do something like that . Is it normal to feel so guilty and angry all in one go ? I just feel like my childhood has disappeared now I no longer have either parent.

ssd Sat 05-Apr-14 15:12:15

op I'm so very sorry.

like you I lost my mum years after my dad and I know half my life is missing. the clearing the house within a few weeks, I did that too and its brutal.

I'm sorry, its just so hard to get through.

Do you have any siblings you can lean on? x

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