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Mother's Day without a Mum

(29 Posts)
Margie32 Sat 29-Mar-14 22:39:37

I hope you don't mind me posting but all the Mother's Day hype has left me feeling bereft and lonely - why isn't there any sensitivity towards people who have lost their Mum?

My Mum died in November, she was 61. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer 10 weeks after my first DS was born, and she fought it with every bone in her body, but in the end she couldn't fight anymore. I was with her when she died and I said my goodbyes but I'm not sure it makes it any easier.

Every time I look at my DSs it kills me that they'll never know their grandma. She loved them so much, all she wanted to do was live so she could enjoy them. I am lost without her.

ajandjjmum Sat 29-Mar-14 22:42:24

So sorry - it must be so hard for you. Mother's Day this year is sad for us too, as my Dad died on 30th March 11 years ago - and that too was Mother's Day.

I think many of us have sad thoughts of those who are no longer with us, but perhaps try to put them to one side for our DC.

Don't expect too much of yourself, you're really in the early days of grieving for your Mum.

BobbyO Sat 29-Mar-14 22:51:47

My DH lost his mum before our children were born. We always talk about her with our children and show photos. My two DS chose some lovely flowers for her grave and we will take them tomorrow. I'm gutted that they never got to meet their grandma and she never got to meet her grandchildren. I know how difficult a day like tomorrow will be for you, I hope you can find some comfort.

Margie32 Sat 29-Mar-14 22:58:38

Thanks so much for replying. I think by this stage (almost 5 months since Mum died) people expect you to be "over it" and getting on with your life, whatever that means. It's the injustice of it all which makes me so angry - why my Mum so young and not some horrible anti-social grumpy old git?

Parentingfailure Sat 29-Mar-14 23:03:35

Both mine and dh mums died when I was pregnant with my first dc 7 years ago. I miss my mum more every day and it breaks me that my dc will never know her or my mil.
Big hugs, it's tough x

PlumpPartridge Sat 29-Mar-14 23:08:30

My mum died 12 days ago and tomorrow will officially be weird. It hasn't really sunk in yet.

I keep walking into Tesco and thinking 'OH JUST FUCK OFF' when I see their giant Mother's Day banners. Either the hype has got worse or I'm just currently hypersensitive to it.

sympathy flowers to all of you who have lost someone.

blossom3 Sat 29-Mar-14 23:24:37

Thinking of all here who have lost their mother or loved one. Tomorrow will be such a hard day for my family. My wonderful mum passed away a month ago. She died four months after diagnosis of a brain tumour. It turned out to be a secondary cancer which was untreatable and very aggressive. She was lucky enough to have known her grandchildren and we all had time to say goodbye and let her know that she was loved. We miss her so much. My heart goes out to you all.

OurMiracle1106 Sat 29-Mar-14 23:29:22

Its my first without my mum. She passed last may, 29days after being diagnosed with terminal cancer. She was my shoulder when I needed to cry. She held me up when I struggled to stand and was the light in the darkest night. I miss her more than words can say. I don't ever expect it to get easier. I'm just learning how to live my life without her.

Those who think that grief has a time limit do not understand how hard it is to lose someone and how it affects people differently

SirChenjin Sat 29-Mar-14 23:29:22

I'm so sorry for your loss Margie thanks

I lost my Mum 2 years ago, and while the pain is easing I still miss her dreadfully - I even found myself blubbing in Sainsburys when I realised I didn't need to buy a card.

You're in the very early stages of grief, and whilst it doesn't ever go away, you do eventually learn to live with your loss. I hope you have a special day with your children tomorrow - maybe you could plant a shrub or something to remember her by?

dramajustfollowsme Sat 29-Mar-14 23:29:49

My mum died when dd was 16 wks old. Three years later, I am pregnant again and I still don't like Mother's Day much.
This year it will be a bit better as dd is making a fuss of me which is lovely.

ohfuschia Sat 29-Mar-14 23:34:20

So sorry for all missing their Mum's, and those with the rawness of recent bereavement. I lost my beloved Mum five years ago this month when I was 20 weeks pregnant with my first son, now have two. It pains me that they did not get to know each other as I know the mutual delight there would have been. I miss her every day, tomorrow still feels more about her than me.

dramajustfollowsme Sat 29-Mar-14 23:38:44

Odd- half my post is missing. confused
Sorry to everyone who has lost their mum. Treasure your memories and, if you have children, hug them tight.

Margie32 Sun 30-Mar-14 00:21:51

Thank you all, big hugs to you all. It's just good to know there are others in the same boat.

I will spend Mother's Day talking to my DSs about how great their grandma was & how much she loved them.

NearTheWindymill Sun 30-Mar-14 00:26:23

I'm sorry Margie >>hugs<<

MultipleMama Sun 30-Mar-14 07:56:50

Happy Mother's Day to my beautiful mum, who I love and miss with all my heart. She taught me that there's no way to be a perfect parent but a million ways to be a really good one. I wish she was here to she her Grandchildren grow up. Aubrey reminds me so much of her - the little green thumb that she is.

I lost my mum back in 2008, not long after my 20 weeks scan with my firstborn. She was so excited to see him on the scan despite how ill she was. She laughed, cried and said hello and then told him goodbye and then Cancer took her(she knew she would not live long enough for the birth). I take some comfort in the knowledge that she got to see him via scan and knew his name.

I miss her so bloody much.

bluestar2 Sun 30-Mar-14 08:50:30

I'm so sorry for everyone who has lost their mum. It's my first without her she died in May last year from cancer wy youngest was 16 weeks and I am so grateful she got to meet him but devastated at the experiences they and she will never have.
I get what your saying that everyone thinks you should have moved on. I just want to tell them to fuck off and leave me alone f they don't like my miserable face.

I am slowly finding out that grief is something that doesn't go away, it lasts a lifetime, just like the love I feel for her. The only remaining gp my dad is very hard towards me. I told him I was struggling as I have been very emotional and angry this week and full of tears. He just said well everyone is. I know he is grieving too but god I would l love a little compassion or care from him.

Sorry for rant just finding Mother's Day very hard. I don't think I realised she was pivotal to all the relationships in the family and everything we did as a big family was done with spending time with her in mind.

To all of you there who are mothers them selves I hope your children bring you some peace today in your mind and lots of cuddles and hugs. I'm counting in it getting me through xx

MyNameIsAnAnagram Sun 30-Mar-14 10:00:17

Thinking of everyone who has lost their mum, especially those with more recent losses. I lost my mum as a child and I promise you Mother's Day does get easier.

StampyIsMyBoyfriend Sun 30-Mar-14 10:17:33

thanks to all those missing mum today.

My mum died in 2006 & there is still a gaping hole where she should be. She never met my DS or her other grandchildren.

I'm lucky to have a stepmum, MIL & a gran but it's hard not to wince looking at massive card displays, and selfishly... it's hard when DS writes cards for his other grans & I write 'mum' on MIL's card.

Going to have dinner with dad & gran today, in my childhood home... So I'll be close in some way smile

Hassled Sun 30-Mar-14 10:22:08

It's so recent for lots of you - I'm sorry. Those "firsts" are hideous - the first missed mother's day, the first missed birthday.

It's been many, many years since my mum died and even now those bloody shopping emails - "don't forget your mother this Sunday" etc - make me furious. I nearly emailed Jo Malone to say "no, I'll never forget my mum and I'd love to buy her an overpriced candle but I can't" - and then sanity returned. But I do wish people/organisations would just think sometimes.

CelticPromise Sun 30-Mar-14 10:42:19

It's my second Mothers' Day without my Mum and I miss her like hell. She was only 64, fucking cancer. There is so much we didn't talk about, things I am going through as a mother that I just wish I could talk to her about. I feel for all of you who have lost your mums.

ImNotCute Sun 30-Mar-14 10:53:32

Hello all, sorry you're all going through this too.

It's my first mother's day without my mum too. She died in December, she had advanced cancer but her death was very sudden, we didn't expect to lose her so soon. She adored her GCs and was only 64.

This time last year we had no idea it was her last mother's day, I would love to go back in time and make a bigger fuss over her while I still had the chance sad

I didn't notice until this year how many marketing emails I get about mother's day, grrrrrr...

babybarrister Sun 30-Mar-14 15:31:05

So agree with Hassled - I lost my. Mum 20 years ago and those bloody emails still get my goat - how can I treat my mum to a relaxing massage when she has been fkg cremated?!

It does get better I promise. Ultimately I have come to the conclusion that it is better not to have them and to misss them than to have them around still and loathe them on mother's day etc which I suspect is a whole other thread on relationships/dysfunctional families ...

InkleWinkle Sun 30-Mar-14 15:57:28

Sorry to all of also going through this & lots love.
This is my first Mother's Day without my mum as she died in July.
Left her some flowers today, hopefully she can see them.

yorkie84 Sun 30-Mar-14 22:31:11

Lost my mum in March 2011. Mothers Day is so tough. Spending it with mil really doesn't help. Sorry to all who have lost a loved one.

yorkie84 Sun 30-Mar-14 22:32:47

Emails wiind me up to or the restaurant take your mum out to lunch for mothers day. Saw that one days after she died and I just cried my eyes out in the car.

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