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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Coping with grief before death

17 replies

PlumPansy · 28/03/2014 21:13

My poor grandad is at the end of a very hard, long battle with cancer.

He is in under sedation right now, but he is still struggling on and it has broken my heart today to see him laid there gasping for breath. He looks blue. I cant bear the thought of him suffering and im really battling with emotions because I dont want him to die but I also want it to happen soon so he can finally have some peace and rest.

Its helped me today to just sit with him and hold his hand but he must be so terrified

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thornrose · 28/03/2014 21:22

I am willing to bet that after his long fight and with the heavy sedation he will not be feeling terrified. It's natural for the body to fight but I wouldn't associate it with him being afraid.

Mixed emotions are natural at this time, holding his hand will help you and him. I hope his eventual passing is peaceful xx

CheesyBadger · 28/03/2014 21:28

Hand holding and thinking of you. My grandad passed away in February and it broke my heart to see him so ill. I really hope you and he get some peace soon. Just do what you need to do and be with him. He is probably feeling very peaceful already and knows you are there

LucyBabs · 28/03/2014 21:30

Agree with pp your beloved grandad wont be terrified. He'll have no pain or suffering.

Thinking of you at this awful time x

PlumPansy · 28/03/2014 21:30

Thankyou, it helps to think he wont be afraid. Its been an awful few days, he was rushed into hospital with breathinh difficulties and since then has been so distressed and confused, he has been ripping out his cannulas and even his lung drain in confusion. Its the total opposite to how he wanted to go, peaceful at home.

I feel so much better now he is under sedation and im.sure he does too.

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thornrose · 28/03/2014 21:41

Oh love, my dad did the same, he had lung cancer. Once the morphine took hold he was much calmer, it really is just a reflex reaction to the tubes etc.

Your presence will be a lovely comfort for him

LucyBabs · 28/03/2014 21:50

Its very distressing to watch a loved one in this way

My dad died from septicemia. He was thrashing around screaming and shouting. We were told it was because the infection was affecting his brain.

Once he had the right dose of morphine he relaxed completely and died very peacefully.

I hope your grandad has that peace and you too plum

PlumPansy · 28/03/2014 22:01

Thankyou thorn, lucy and cheesy your words mean a lot and are bringing me comfort.

They have removed his drain and stopped doing obs now so he can be as peaceful as possible.

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PlumPansy · 29/03/2014 07:17

Hes finally at peace, it was very calm and I know he is finally out of pain and no more suffering, I love him so much.

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thornrose · 29/03/2014 09:39

It's very sad but there is some relief in knowing that he is at peace now. Take care of yourself.

PlumPansy · 29/03/2014 21:33

Thankyou thorn. Its so hard

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TwentyTinyToes · 29/03/2014 22:01

I am sorry for your loss. I am sure you were a great comfort to your grandad. Be kind to yourself. X

SnakeyMcBadass · 29/03/2014 22:06

I'm so sorry for your loss x

whatadrama · 29/03/2014 22:07

I'm so sorry for your loss, we lost my Nan in October, its hard.

Look after yourself Plum

42notTrendy · 29/03/2014 22:11

I do understAnd. My grandad died almost a year ago. It was very difficult towards the end, not only was he very poorly (COPD) but he got a bit nasty, to my mum in particular, but also occasionally he'd get very confused and hallucinate. I felt very conflicted because I could see what it was all doing to my mum, whilst watching him go rapidly downhill.
I also thought it would be good if he went, but desperately didn't want to lose him.
I'm sure he's not in pain and your presence is the best thing you can do right now, for you and him.

42notTrendy · 29/03/2014 22:13

I'm so sorry. For some reason I didn't see your most recent post. My thoughts are with you.

PlumPansy · 29/03/2014 23:23

Thank you everybody for your comforting words. It has been so hard but the whole family are all supporting each other.

Im sorry you went through a similar experience 42, its awful and I wouldnt wish it on anybody. Im glad your grandad is at peace now too.

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PlumPansy · 29/03/2014 23:52

It seems so strange to me that while my life is on hold at the minute, and in this cloud of heartbreak strangers all around me are just carrying on with their normal lives shopping, laughing, joking etc.

I think it will take a few days for things to sink in and to think straight.

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