3 years on still feel the same

(41 Posts)
Deborah51 Fri 28-Mar-14 20:31:45

Our daughter passed away 3 yrs ago age 13, everyone says it gets easier, I think you just learn to live with feeling like crap, I can't believe how much time has passed since ive seen her, doesn't feel any easier to me!!

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WaitMonkey Fri 28-Mar-14 20:40:38

There are no words I can use that will make you feel better. But I'm incredibly sorry for your lose. I hope someone comes along soon who can say something that will help.

Deborah51 Fri 28-Mar-14 20:49:50

Thank you, I hope so.

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WaitMonkey Fri 28-Mar-14 21:46:54


Mojito100 Sat 29-Mar-14 02:34:23

My thoughts are with you. It doesn't help but you are correct. It doesn't get easier and you just seem to adjust to living a life which has a huge hole in it and incredibly intense periods if sadness.

Deborah51 Sat 29-Mar-14 03:02:13

Mo thank you, it's my daughters b/day next week and it's so hard and unfair, we have all her things still, clothes toys school bag, can't bear the thought of getting rid of them, don't think I ever could, that's ok, normal isn't it?

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Deborah51 Sat 29-Mar-14 03:04:04

WM thank you for your kind words, I do appreciate it.

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Treasa24 Sat 29-Mar-14 08:16:33

Yes, it's altogether normal. You must do whatever comes naturally to you.

Thinking of you all with this upcoming birthday. Others are right, it doesn't get easier but by and by you learn to assimilate the sadness and the missing into your life and you will, honestly you will, be happy again.

Really, really look after yourself at this time. Is there anything in particular that you're going to do with your family to mark DD's birthday?

Deborah51 Sat 29-Mar-14 17:25:00

Thankyou, we will go to Cemetary give her her birthday presents (three solar coloured fairies), sing happy birthday, we bring chairs up and stay with her for a few hours, tell her all our news and just have some family time really.

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Mojito100 Sun 30-Mar-14 16:15:06

Deb. What you are planning sounds lovely. It will be hard as it always is. Would you like to share your memories of her with us. I would live to hear about her. Thinking of you

Deborah51 Sun 30-Mar-14 23:33:33

She had CP thanks to massive neglect at birth, she had pain most of her short life but always had a beautiful smile, she had different little contented sounds that I can't tell you how much I miss, when I held her she would look into my face and smile and talk to me quietly with her little noises almost whispering, there's so much more to tell but it's too hard to write down, hopefully I will be able to talk about her more freely soon without that awful aching feeling.

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Mojito100 Mon 31-Mar-14 17:23:42

Deb, take your time. Memories are so precious and also hard. What you have shared is lovely. Come back here whenever you can to keep her close.

Pawprint Mon 31-Mar-14 18:37:21

She sounds gorgeous smile. I am sorry about her birth neglect - similar story with my late sister sad

It is so sad to lose a precious child thanksthanksthanksbrewbrewbrew

Deborah51 Thu 03-Apr-14 17:12:18

It's my daughters birthday today, been tougher than I expected, had time at cem gave presents to her, we're all a little quiet today, trying not to get upset in front of my girls, 20 and 12, they're coping best they can but they too still have their moments, I suppose we all will for however long. Happy Birthday Chloe, love you forever and miss you always xxxxxxxx

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MeanAndMeaslyMiddleAges Tue 08-Apr-14 01:19:05

Happy birthday for last week Chloe - hope you liked the fairies.

Deb, I really hope you're ok - how are you feeling? X

Thumbwitch Tue 08-Apr-14 01:26:35

So sad to read your story, Deborah - and happy belated birthday to Chloe.

I don't think it's possible to ever "get over" losing someone - you do just learn to live with the grief "better", as time goes by and you get more used to the pain.

(((hugs))) for you and your family. xx

Deborah51 Tue 08-Apr-14 04:26:40

Thankyou for your kind words, I'm not too bad at the moment, Chloe's birthday has always been bittersweet, from going wrong in the last 20 mins of labour but also having a beautiful little girl, she was obviously meant to be in this world, just so sad it was for such a short time, we learned a lot from her with her smiling face and kind gentle nature, she touched all that met her, the church was standing room only, the worst thing I've ever had to do.

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MexicanSpringtime Tue 08-Apr-14 05:27:26

I can't imagine your pain, but nobody knows how long we are on this earth and it sounds like your daughter's short life was in the right hands to make it as sweet as possible.

Lilybensmum1 Tue 08-Apr-14 07:37:25

Hope you are feeling ok today, can't imagine what you have been and are going through.

From your stories it sounded like Chole really gave you so much joy and you have such wonderful memories, it's clear you gave her a fantastic life I'm sure she would be proud to call you her mum.

Hope you are being kind to yourself, wish I could think of something more helpful to say, just wanted to acknowledge your daughter Chole and say I have enjoyed reading your memories of her. (thanks)

Deborah51 Fri 18-Apr-14 04:30:06

Going up to Chloe tomorrow, have a little basket of Easter eggs that my youngest has painted, Easter bunnies and chicks, it's her Easter too, it's so sad our little angels not with us, Happy Easter Chloe xxxx

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LIttleMissTickles Fri 18-Apr-14 04:38:09

Reading your words in tears Deb, it's wonderful to hear about Chloe, your love for her comes through in every sentence. My heart goes out to you.

Poshsausage Fri 18-Apr-14 04:45:57

She sounds so sweet . Love to you mummy xx

Deborah51 Sat 19-Apr-14 00:03:12

Went up to Chloe today, put her Easter things down for her then realised some of her little ornaments have been stolen, I think it's more the thought of a stranger standing over her just helping themselves that has really upset us, it's obvious it's a child's grave, I don't even know what to say, reported it but they said unfortunately these things happen!

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Poshsausage Wed 23-Apr-14 16:17:12

That's shocking Deborah51 x

Some people :-(

Deborah51 Mon 28-Apr-14 01:35:41

Keep having the same dream that I'm trying to feed Chloe but she's a baby in the dream, I've had it for five nights now, is there a message in this??

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