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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Feeling blue - lost my baby (long, sorry)

41 replies

wilbur · 10/03/2004 11:00

It turns out my pregnancy was ectopic. I started bleeding very slightly, almost nothing really, last Tuesday, went to A&E, they said all looked and felt fine sent me home to rest with appt. for scan on Thursday am. Went for scan after getting a bit crampy and a bit more bleeding, but still hoping everything was okay. They looked at the screen and then there was a lot of whispering and then they told me the baby was in one of my tubes and that I would have to have an operation. Had the op on Friday (they tried to do it keyhole but then had to go in through my c-section scar as I was over 11 weeks and there was more to do), and I'm back home now, feeling better physically, but just awful emotionally. I feel really sickened with myself, like this is my fault as I had taken the morning after pill and so the baby had nowhere to implant in the uterus. And yes, I was upset when I first found out I was pregnant, worried about bad timing and having to cancel things we had planned and all that, but after a few weeks I got really excited, gave the bump a nickname, just started telling a few close friends, all the nice things. On top of it all we had my Dad's memorial service last night which I had wanted to be so perfect, and it was very special, but I didn't feel as conscious of it all as I felt I should. Uuuurgh, sorry, I'm rambling, just wanted to talk really.

OP posts:

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motherinferior · 10/03/2004 11:03

It's not your fault. Oh darling, there is nothing else I can say; if I could, believe me I would say it. Please have a virtual hug instead. xxxxxxxx

mothernature · 10/03/2004 11:06

Wilbur, thats so sad never having had an experience like that, nothing I am able to say really just thinking of you..((hugs))

Beetybeetybangbang · 10/03/2004 11:09

This reply has been deleted

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M2T · 10/03/2004 11:14

Wilbur - So sorry you've had to go through this. It really isn't your fault though, just one of those horrible things.

Quackers · 10/03/2004 11:16

Oh Wilbur, I'm so sorry . Please don't blame yourself. It didn't even reach your womb to give implantation a chance, so that would have absolutely nothing to do with it. I hope you have a speedy recovery from your operation and that you get lots of tlc and support in the coming days and weeks. There will always be someone here if you need to talk about your loss, hope that might be a small comfort. Take care hugs {{{{}}}}

emsiewill · 10/03/2004 11:17

Don't know what to say, so just sending some(((((((hugs)))))))

Kayleigh · 10/03/2004 11:19

Wilbur, please don't blame yourself for this. It is understandable that you will be sad & upset but please, no guilt. Are you ok now physically, after the op ?

Sending you a hug {{{x{}}}}.

Neuman · 10/03/2004 11:30

I am not surprised you are feeling blue, your have experienced a very traumatic time, I hope you recover soon and take really good care of yourself, don't blame yourself what ever you do. Thinking of you...

WSM · 10/03/2004 11:30

Oh Wilbur, how traumatic for you. Please don't blame yourself, like others say, it really isn't your fault.

Big hugs
WSM

Azure · 10/03/2004 11:33

So sorry to hear your news.

dinosaur · 10/03/2004 11:33

I'm so sorry wilbur Take care of yourself and please please don't blame yourself.

Marina · 10/03/2004 11:36

Wilbur, please don't blame yourself, I'm so sorry to hear your news. I was just wondering how your father's memorial service went after all the trouble you took to source the music.
Ectopics are terrible things. Talk away if it helps. //[Hugs]]

LIZS · 10/03/2004 11:39

Wilbur, this is so sad for you but really not your fault. It must be a very confusing time emotionally for you so please give yourself plenty of time and space to recover.

Take care

wilbur · 10/03/2004 11:40

Thanks for the messages, making me cry all over again. Kayleigh I am feeling better physically, having the stitches out tomorrow which will be good. Scar looks scary as it's a sort of double now due to previous c-section, but I think it's mostly bruising that's making it look bad. I guess I feel so bad because they explained that the ectopic was "coneal/corneal?" which meant it was half in the tube and half in the uterus, which just feels like it got so close, but not quite far enough. Then again, that fact meant that I didn't have one of those life-threatening tube ruptures that I know a lot of women who have ectopics experience. It's just a lot to think about.

OP posts:

bossykate · 10/03/2004 11:42

wilbur, how miserable please don't blame yourself, it's normal to have mixed feelings on occasion but they don't mean that it somehow serves you right. sorry to hear about your dad. you've really got more than your share at the moment

wilbur · 10/03/2004 11:45

Marina - thanks for asking. Yes, the service was very special and the music perfect. King's College choir are tremendous and the accoustics in the chapel blew everyone away. There were three addresses about Daddy with lots of lovely funny memories, too. Being so emotionally heightened, I had a good blub, but I also got a deep sense of Daddy and Mum being there, checking in and saying that everything will be okay. Just got to get through this first.

OP posts:

Janstar · 10/03/2004 11:47

As others have said, Wilbur, I can't see how it can possibly be your fault. Life has dealt you a bad card, no one's fault. So sorry, and I hope you feel better soon.

Quackers · 10/03/2004 12:13

So did you keep the tube then gvien that it was half way between the 2?? That must be very unusual. Hugs again {{{}}}

pollingfold · 10/03/2004 12:25

Wilbur, I'm so sorry to hear your news. I hope that over time the emotional scars will heal as well as the physical.

Please do not apportion any blame to yourself, mother nature is cruel sometimes.

We are here at any time that you want to talk

Love P

Thomcat · 10/03/2004 12:29

Oh wilbur, I'm SO sorry. Lots of love to you. Not a let else I can say. I'm just so sorry.
It's really NOT your fault, life can just be cruel, but it's nothing you did. Lots of love to you.

hana · 10/03/2004 16:32

So sorry wilbur to hear this. Please look after yourself.

marthamoo · 10/03/2004 16:38

I'm sorry too, wilbur, how traumatic for you. You've such a lot to cope with just now - be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve. (((HUGS)))

suzywong · 10/03/2004 16:44

Yes, so sorry to hear this, time will heal you but yo will never forget, take it easy on yourself
Hugs

NorfolkTurkey · 10/03/2004 17:39

Big, big (((hugs)))

CountessDracula · 10/03/2004 19:40

Wilbur so sorry to hear your news. This happened to a friend of mine a couple of years ago, she was devastated but now has a baby boy who she adores. Hope things improve soon xxx

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