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I know it isn't my loss, but it has deeply touched me and broken my heart.

(38 Posts)
GimmeDaBoobehz Tue 31-Dec-13 16:24:39

I am sorry as this isn't my loss, it's not really my place to post but am not naming any names, so hope that is OK?

My friend and his partner have lost their baby. It stopped breathing at 36 weeks and she is having to have the baby naturally.

It's completely broken my heart for them. I can't even begin to think what they must be going through. I haven't got to speak to him yet and just don't know what to say (he has spoken to my partner, as we are all friends).

I sincerely hope that I can be of some help and they get some comfort from friends and family.

Is there anything I can do to help if anyone has had anything similar happen?

I could cry I feel so broken hearted for them. sad

sugarbunza Tue 31-Dec-13 18:51:25

My friend also made a CD of cbeebes favorites for the church, it sounds strange but listening to firemansam theme tune kind of lightens a extremely difficult and alful day of you life. Its just what I did, I don't no your friends and it was a different thing to do ? X

NearTheWindmill Tue 31-Dec-13 18:55:06

My DS2 died sixteen and a half years ago, 27 weeks - we had him for a few hours - he was terribly ill. I am glad places like Mnet exist now; they didn't then, one just had to get on with it and be bright and accept it would all be brushed under the carpet. My mother has never discussed it since, I tried once and she said how lucky I was that I had dd 51 weeks later, many weren't so lucky. She also once told me I was lucky it worked out the way it did because it meant I didn't have a disabled, sick child to deal with. DH doesn't discuss it all.

After so many years you do come to terms with it and stops hurting in the way it did after 1, or 2 or even 5 years; I look at dd and often get a lump in my throat that had things been different, I might not - probably would not have her and that is truly unimaginable because she has become the light of my life. You never, ever truly get over it though but that doesn't mean that life can't be good again or even better than you might ever have imagined.

Be there for them OP; remember (a little card of bunch of flowers on anniversaries are wonderful and means someone else remembers them too). I go to the cemetery on anniversaries, I used to go a lot more but still at least 4/6 times a year - it does help.

God bless, take care all of you.

samsonite86 Tue 31-Dec-13 19:03:20

Whilst I think of it, we got these for friend's and family on what should have been her first birthday... I wish I'd found them for the funeral to put on the grave and save some for home.

Just a thought... xx

GimmeDaBoobehz Tue 31-Dec-13 19:03:38

I definitely will offer to go up with them. Individually or separately whether it be once a year or every day.

I honestly just feel so sad and weirdly feel guilty because I have a beautiful little girl who is healthy and when I have looked at her today feel just so sad. sad

DoItTooBabyJesus Tue 31-Dec-13 19:09:45

You could direct them to Glow In The Woods. A website for babylost parents. It's amazing.

You sound like a thoughtful friend, so just continue to be in contact and thoughtful.

It's so sad.

samsonite86 Tue 31-Dec-13 19:11:47

Totally natural Gimme, but it's not yours or your daughter's fault. Your guilt is instinctive. I mostly (not always) found comfort in others children. Many of my friends with kids let that guilt and fear keep them away. These children were to be my daughter's friends. I found that important x

MrsHappyBee Tue 31-Dec-13 19:15:45

Years ago friends of ours were told that their baby had died just before his due date. His poor mother had to undergo a natural delivery 2 days later, which was DH birthday. We still remember him every year despite no longer being in touch with his parents as we've all moved. I remember my friend cuddling the photo album
as she was desperate to nurse, it was heartbreaking. You sound like a lovely friend.

GimmeDaBoobehz Tue 31-Dec-13 19:20:12

The same thing is happening with my friends. The baby is being delivered in 2 days time naturally.

I'm glad to know I am doing the best I can for them though as it's all I can do.

sugarbunza Tue 31-Dec-13 19:30:43

Heartbreaking story's everyone xxx

GimmeDaBoobehz Fri 03-Jan-14 22:07:03

They had the baby today. sad

Seeing their poor families post about it just makes it even more real. God, I just couldn't imagine.


YellowDinosaur Sat 04-Jan-14 20:00:57

I posted a similar op a few years ago following a similar experience with friends. The things they subsequently said helped was to mention their baby by name, to ask to look at photos and to talk about him / her. Also to remember their birthday. I gave them a rose named after their DD.

I can't imagine how awful this would be and ny heart goes out to those who have experienced this xxx

dunkinhobnobs Mon 06-Jan-14 16:58:13

I just wanted to say that my thoughts are with your friends at this awful time. My DS3 was born sleeping at 37 weeks 11 weeks ago. They have been the hardest 11 weeks of my life. I am so sad that someone else is also walking this sad road. Look after them.

GimmeDaBoobehz Mon 06-Jan-14 20:23:23

Thank you.

They are pretty torn up as expected but are trying their best to sort things out and have a great family support unit as well as good friends.

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