Help - my friend's mother is dying from cancer - I just don't know what to say

(5 Posts)
Wills Sun 16-Jul-06 21:40:26

This is slightly complicated. My dh has cancer and its currently active. There is a lot of hope that we will get it back into remission but so far we've not had any checkup go smoothly (next one is a week on Tuesday). My friend (she's also my cousin) has left a message on the phone today cancelling her son's christening because her mother's condition is not good. I know what she's telling me. The hospital have been telling her for a while that there was no hope she was just in denayal (and I don't blame her for that!). I have to phone her, but just listening to her on the phone has reduced me to floods of tears. I need to find some strength from somewhere and be a rock for her - just not sure how to stop the wobbles. I'd be everso grateful for suggestions.


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WideWebWitch Sun 16-Jul-06 21:43:55

Wills sweetie, you don't have to be a rock for anyone except your own family. I know it would be great if we all had the emotional energy for everyone but we just don't and you have 3 children, a difficult relationship with your mother and an ill dh. You haven't (correct me if I'm wrong) got the energy for this. Send her an email telling her you're sorry to hear she's having a bad time and that you are too and expect her to understand, which, as a friend, I'm sure she will.


Wills Sun 16-Jul-06 21:52:57

Oh www - you are wonderful to me, the problem here is that I'm not that forgiving of myself. She would certainly understand if I didn't contact her. What she is going through is one of my greatest fears (nicely filed away somewhere under "to be dealt with later" iyswim). But I don't think that's acceptable of me. I'd have made a great catholic martyr!

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WideWebWitch Sun 16-Jul-06 21:56:24

Well, if you'll accept permission from me, here it is! Sometimes it is very hard dealing with friends who have problems we fear, it's terribly scary imo and even if it weren't you are totally entitled not to take this on.

Wills Sun 16-Jul-06 22:04:04

Thanks www

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