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Ds (4 months) and funeral

(27 Posts)
cogitosum Fri 29-Nov-13 13:51:39

My best friend called this morning. Her dm died this morning unexpectedly. She was only in hee early 50s. She is understandably shocked and distraught. I'm very upset as I adored her. I've stayed at their house without df there and often spoke to her on the phone. I feel horrifically guilty as had promised to take ds (4 months) to see her but hadn't got round to it (they live a 4 hr drive or 3 hr train journey away) We were planning to in the new year.

Of course I've said I will go up to give support to my friend whenever she needs it. I offered to come up today but everything is up in the air. She's asked me to come for the funeral.

I'm not sure what to do with ds. He's exclusively Breastfed. I could try to express and leave some of those cartons of formula and leave him with my parents but I don't think I could manage overnight. The ideal solutijon would be to go up with someone so they can take ds during fuberal and my friend can see him if it helps her but ny parents are disabled and cant come and dh wont be able to get time off work for a non family funeral (no holiday left)

Df has said its fine to bring him but I don't want to take attention away. I just feel so selfish and perhaps should just man up and leave him overnight. I could leave him for the day and come home at night but would like to stay for a couple of days for my friend (she's asked me to).

I am happy to book hotel just don't know what to do with ds.

post Fri 29-Nov-13 18:33:51

I'm a funeral celebrant, so I see a lot of bereaved families and attend a lot of funerals. I think it would generally be fine to take a little bf baby, and to feed (as far as I'm concerned ALWAYS ok), and most funeral services are quite short, no more than 30 mins in a crematorium. Yes, do take him out if he's wailing, of course.

What people very often appreciate very much is a card saying something lovely about the person they've lost, a specific memory, or something, especially, even something very little like the lovely perfume they used to wear, or something they cooked, or how friendly they always were when they answered the phone. Something that shows that their life really had meaning for other people, that they'll still exist into the future in the memories of people whose lives were touched by them.

WowserBowser Fri 29-Nov-13 18:36:38

Totally agree with post

I received a card from my best friend telling me all the little things she remembered about my DM. Even things i didnt remember! It was lovely.

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