So sorry for the loss of your wonderful Granddad, x
I know it hurts like crazy, it feels like it always will, I can't give you any advice regarding grief as I lost my dear sister just over four weeks ago now and am in a complete state, the pain is just too much to bare at times.
My gran and I had a bit of a cry today, and I'm quite close now - listening to the song the Military Wives did. My Granddad was in the Army - but this bit got to me especially:
"Wherever you are our hearts still beat as one I hold you in my dreams each night until your task is done Light after darkness my wondrous star Our hopes and dreams, my heart and yours, forever shining far"
First time I've really listened to the lyrics and it's got me a little bit.
He's visited my gran in her dreams recently - I like that, I know she finds it comforting.
I just still keep thinking he's going to walk through the front door
Yeah, I'm not feeling particularly festive at the moment - but I have nice memories.
A nice Christmas one - he used to call the house phone, and speak to me pretending to be Santa. Mum, gran and uncle were in on it too. Then on Christmas Eve we'd leave a mince pie and some sherry for Santa and a carrot for the reindeer.
Every time it snowed, I'd help him shovel the drive and we'd build a snowman. Even though I was only little and was using a children's shovel I'd still help.
Do you know, that's made me feel a bit better - teary as I wrote that though, but it's nice to talk about him
When my Granny died I was distraught. She wasn't even the cuddly-old-lady stereotype granny, she loved her cigarettes and beer cursed like a trooper and gave my poor Granda such a hard time, but she was such a character and I loved her to bits.
Now when I think of her I smile...I'm not saying it'll take three years for you to reach this stage! I actually lost my granda a year and a half after granny, but in a weird way it wasn't as hard, because he was lost without her, it seemed right.
Just hang in there, it gets better, I promise. Unfortunately you've just gotta go through this shitty phase first .