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Sudden death in the family

(3 Posts)
MrsFebruary22 Mon 25-Nov-13 15:34:51

This is my first post with Mumsnet. Sorry it's long - just awkward to explain.

My DH just lost his dear uncle, quite a close friend and a very popular individual in the community and in the family. They were close as DH didn't really have a dad in his life growing up.

Unknown cause of death, coronor said he was very fit. Just collapsed and could not be saved, from what we know. Funeral delayed 3 weeks for inconclusive medical examination.

DH is finding it hard to grieve and is bottling everything up. I can see he is in depsair but he never talks about anything. Even the flowers he won't really get involved, just left me to it as if I was buying unneccessary frivolities.

I am upset by the loss too as he was like an uncle to me but I feel like when I cry, I am a fraud. I was only related by marriage but I know he would have referred to me as his niece. I always called him Uncle B. We talked all the time.

Decided not to visit COR due to the time between passing away and the treatment being done. It shouldn't be his last memory so he won't go. I said he could always have the casket closed and put his hand on top to say goodbye, to make the last connection.

The funeral is a week today. Stomach is churning - never seen my husband in this situation.

He never "accepted" it when I had a miscarriage... I suppose this is a very real loss to him and he is really hurting inside. I don't know what his thoughts are.

Spacefrog35 Mon 25-Nov-13 15:59:42

I'm so sorry for your losses (both uncle & miscarriage)

I don't know masses about this, but I do know that people grieve in different ways. Whilst your DH may not be showing his grief I'm sure you're right that he's feeling it. It's very difficult to support someone grieving without 'forcing' them to grieve the way you think they should. Sorry if that sounds harsh. Have you contacted anyone? Perhaps talking to someone like a Cruse volunteer or maybe your GP might give you some ideas of how to support him?

Also please take time to grieve yourself. Just because DH doesn't want to visit etc doesn't mean that you can't

bumpybecky Mon 25-Nov-13 20:49:07

I'm so very sorry for your loss xx

Please don't think you're a fraud. You obviously loved him, you've got as much right as anyone else to grieve. Try to be kind to yourself.

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