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my baby girl died.

(176 Posts)
SupermansBigRedBottleOfSpirits Fri 15-Nov-13 16:54:48

My beautiful amazing baby dd2, Summer, died 2 weeks ago yesterday. Her heart was unable to pump blood properly. We never knew until it was too late. She was 11 weeks and 6 days old. I spent most of that day shopping, then at a Halloween party with the other dc. I missed most of my sum sums last day. Dp had to see to her himself, our poor baby not breathing, already gone, in her sleep.

I miss her. And it hurts. Ds turned 2 two days after she passed. If it wasn't for him and dd1 I'd be a screaming wreck in a padded cell. I'm sick of being strong now. I I want my sweet precious baby back.

SupermansBigRedPants Tue 15-Apr-14 13:14:32

I'm on a waiting list for counselling because stupidly I 'felt fine' and didn't want/need it in the early months but I can feel myself becoming a complete loon for want of better words. I'm sick of happy people with their babies I'm sick of seeing clothes for Summer when I'm shopping for ds, I miss having my tiny baby. I am just a walking angry mean spirited woman. I want to be normal again.

SocialQueen Tue 15-Apr-14 13:04:01

OP you need some counselling. Please go and see your doctor.

I think what you are feeling is entirely natural and expected but it's not healthy in the long-term. A professional will help you acknowledge and accept your rage and your grief and then help you move on, not forgetting but integrating.

SupermansBigRedPants Tue 15-Apr-14 12:54:42

Really rough couple of weeks, I'm so angry. Angry with Summer for leaving me, us. I WANT her angry I'm angry at my step kids for being here still - why should they be when Summer isn't?! Why should their mum be happy?! My beautiful baby is gone and she gets to keep her Children??! It's not on at all Summer is the most amazing fascinating beautiful baby with the sweetest face and she's gone whilst those kids live? Wheres the justice in that? She was my final child, I was sure we were complete and now I'm empty and furious. I'm so angry at dp for speaking to his children I know it's ridiculous and they have nothing to do with my feelings but it hurts so much that they get a dad and Summer is not here to. I'm being a miserable wicked bitch sad

RatherBeOnThePiste Sat 01-Feb-14 07:10:58

Morning lovely, thinking of you here and beautiful Summer


olympicsrock Mon 23-Dec-13 00:40:09

This made me cry. Sending you love and good wishes for a peaceful Christmas. I'll think of Summer when I look at lovely tree decorations.

NoToast Fri 20-Dec-13 22:19:37

I am so sorry for your families loss, your love for Summer shines through your posts. Thinking of you and Summer, thanks

GimmeDaBoobehz Wed 11-Dec-13 22:44:30

I am so sorrysad

This has made me cry.

My thoughts are with you and your family thanks

Spacefrog35 Wed 11-Dec-13 22:30:19

What a lovely way to involve Summer in your Christmas ever year. I'm sure it will be of comfort to you not only this year but for many years to come to be able to put up her Christmas decoration.

People can be so insensitive without realising. Sounds like family are a bit like this. I'm sure they don't mean harm, it's just very difficult to know how to act & what to say unless you've walked in those shoes. I hope you, DP & DC have a gentle and peaceful Christmas

Mignonette Wed 11-Dec-13 15:42:45

My heartfelt condolences to you and your family Supermans.

She sounds gorgeous.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. It sounds like she spent her last hours with her Daddy, another person who loved her. We cannot know what lies in the future but you sound like a parent who didn't take her baby (or any of her other children) for granted. All you did was have trust that nothing bad would happen. I am so sorry flowers.

SupermansBigRedReindeerNose Wed 11-Dec-13 15:29:38

hello lovely ladies, i saw my doctor yesterday just to see how i am he says i'm doing well. i no longer feel the need for sleeping tablets although i only took them 3 or 4 times luckily. he's confident i don't need my a.ds put up my rattiness is mainly hormones <yey> such a relief.

things have been tiresome here for wont of a better word, my mother and sister have been prattling on about christmas and how it's for families and whilst i know it is, my family is incomplete without Summer, so christmas is not going to be all jolly flaming hockey sticks as they seem to think. i'm utterly sick hearing of it.

i have bought a small tree around 3 feet tall, and some small decorations that's my christmas this year. we aren't the most festive of families to begin with, neither of us enjoy dressing the tree/house etc so it's no great shame there. i have bought special boubles for the children - dd1 chose a purple snowflake for herself that glitters like her personality, ds has a felt robin with a cheeky look to it and a rounded belly just like his grin and for Summer, a silver butterly, very delicate and slightly sparkled. as soon as i seen it i knew i needed it. some things just 'scream' Summer at me IYKWIM? i see things whilst shopping and say that'd suit Sum or oh She'd love that etc then the stabbing pain in my chest comes and i have to fight back the tears.

dp is quiet, too quiet and rather miserable looking although it is his birthday this week, he's feeling old, our wifey isn't here then christmas round the corner it's not easy for him. ds is a ball of energy he keeps us on our toes and whilst he is tiring it's almost enjoyable being kept so busy. dd1 is coping amazingly well, we talk about Sum often i think it's good for both of us.

i can't wait until 2014 kicks in, this year has been a mixed bag. i want just 1 year of good god willing.

cakesonatrain Tue 03-Dec-13 07:33:30

I'm so sorry for your loss, Superman flowers

giraffesCantSledge Mon 02-Dec-13 06:25:01

Thinking of you x

RatherBeOnThePiste Sat 30-Nov-13 09:27:13

Big hugs lovely X

smokeandglitter Thu 28-Nov-13 23:15:51

So sorry, Superman, my heart goes out to you and your family. I send lots of love.

MiaAlexandrasmummy Thu 28-Nov-13 23:00:09

Superman, sending you love and light. If I could take away your pain, I would. However, there are plenty of wonderful people here who will listen to your words about Summer, and walk with you on this terrible journey of pain. They helped me enormously when my beautiful Mia did - and many still do - so please, lean on us if you need. We are here. xx

absentmindeddooooodles Thu 28-Nov-13 11:48:10

Sending you lots of love and hands to hild. Thinking of you and your family, and your beautiful little summer. Xxxxx

MNPlovespumpkincarving Wed 27-Nov-13 00:20:36

Your in my thoughts Superman. Sum sum is clear in my mind from your posts.

joeyhanmum Tue 26-Nov-13 20:52:28

So very, very sorry to hear of your loss and my thoughts are with you and your family xx

KungFuBustle Tue 26-Nov-13 16:37:37

What a beautiful name. Summer sounds like she was a beautiful child, both inside and out.

I'm so very sorry. Thinking of you all.

blizy Tue 26-Nov-13 16:20:02

I am so, so very sorry that you lost your precious Summer. Your words about her are so very touching and she sounds like such a beautiful little baby with a massive personality.
I know what you are going through as my dd died at birth almost three years ago. I Found fantastic support on MN when my dd died, so I will always be here if you need to rant, scream or cry I'm just a PM away.

I hope summer is dancing in the clouds, she will looking down on her wonderful parents with pride.
Sweet dreams angel.

BellaDesconocida Tue 26-Nov-13 15:41:31

I am so sorry for the loss of your gorgeous daughter, thinking of you x

mrspolkadotty Tue 26-Nov-13 14:48:39

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Much love to you and yours. Rest peacefully Summer xxx

BellaVita Tue 26-Nov-13 14:21:32

Thinking of you all and beautiful Summer xx

HopAlongOnItsOnlyChristmas Tue 26-Nov-13 12:03:31

I'm so sorry superman, I can't even begin to imagine. Lots of love to you and your family. x

psychomum5 Tue 26-Nov-13 11:49:49

I am so very sorry...your love shines so brightly and deeply for your beloved Summer. xxx

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