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Miss my son so much

(700 Posts)
LilyTheSavage Sun 10-Nov-13 15:36:57

My beautiful middle son died on 10th August in a tragic and needless accident. It's three months today and I feel just as bereft and weighted with grief and sorrow as I did the day he died. It's very hard to bear. There must surely be others who have had this happen too.

QOD Wed 30-Aug-17 21:42:14

💔

LilyTheSavage Wed 30-Aug-17 14:30:06

Thank you yawning and QOD. Thank you also Dolly and EggNog. I haven't been able to find the words to post, but I did see your kind messages and was grateful.

I am struggling to find the words to express how I feel. Paddy's fourth anniversary has been and gone and with it the anniversary of his funeral. Nobody remembered that terrible day, or if they did it wasn't mentioned to me. I am sad that this year for the first time so many of his friends seemed to forget. Did his lift and friendship mean so little to them?

People say that time heals, but I have news for them. It doesn't. I am a better actress and can wear "the mask" more reliably but it feels the same inside. I ache for my darling boy. I wonder where he is. How can I go on? I have to.

I have been told that Paddy's heart valves (which is all that we were able to donate) will be used soon and he will be helping a couple of young children. I am so pleased about this but it's incredibly bitter-sweet. I got the news on his actual anniversary. What a coincidence. I am really hoping that we will be told about the recipient and have asked that they tell the recipient's family (if they wish) as much about Paddy as they can and say that we'd love to tell them more. My boy might be able to live on in somebody else. The thought that that's the complete end of Paddy just knocks me off my feet.

Oh my darling boy. I miss you so much.

yawning801 Sun 20-Aug-17 20:03:25

(((((Hugs))))) and flowers for you OP.

QOD Sun 20-Aug-17 19:57:55

So sorry @Aidenmiguel - if you start your own post people will be happy to support you in your loss. Sounds so awful

☕️ for paddy x

Aidenmiguel Sun 13-Aug-17 09:28:01

Hello, I lost my premature son last July 30,2017. He was just 9 days old. His pediatrician told me that has a duodenal atresia. But then due to lack of money since the surgeon told me that the cost for his surgery is quite expensive, he was not operated right away. I tried to transfer him to a public hospital but then there's no vacant so I was forced to continue his operation in the private hospital. On July 29 around 5pm Philippines time, he was operated but sad to say he died at midnight. Everything happens so fast because he was just 32 weeks. It's so.hard to accept his death because I was not able to hold him, touch him since he was incubated. The only time I was able to hold him in my arms was when he was died. So painful and I don't know what to do. I feel like that my life has no more purpose.sad

EggnoggAndMulledWine Sun 01-Jan-17 23:05:30

I'm so sorry for your loss I can't even comprehend it 💐

DollyPlastic Sun 01-Jan-17 23:03:33

Lots of love to you, Lily.

LilyTheSavage Sun 01-Jan-17 22:44:08

And so another year begins without you my darling. I look for signs from you everywhere I go. Robins. The first and brightest star every night. Anything that might bring a scrap of comfort.

How can it be?

Thank you for the kindness of your messages Mojito, lauren marie, plymouth and min. Kindness helps.

littlejimmybrighterfuturefund Sat 31-Dec-16 20:50:23

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

laurenmarie88 Thu 29-Dec-16 14:52:22

I'm sorry for your loss and send big hugs xxxx I know it must be hard to talk about him but just try and remember the happy memories you have and look at photos he will be watching over you all xxxx

Mojito100 Thu 29-Dec-16 14:39:26

You are in my mind and thoughts Paddy. Wishing you were here with your mum and dad.

PlymouthMaid1 Sun 25-Dec-16 11:11:49

Xx

minmooch Sun 25-Dec-16 10:57:11

Darling Paddy.

Thinking of you my darling friend xxxxx

NavyandWhite Sat 24-Dec-16 15:16:19

Sending love from one mum to another ❤️

Mojito100 Sat 24-Dec-16 12:40:01

I know about hiding away and the need for that and then the need at times to come back to MN to feel not quite so alone. It is Christmas eve here for me already and before I know it another Christmas Day will have passed without our loved ones being physically present with us and sharing in the joy they should be a part of. You will be in my mind and heart tomorrow as you are now.

LilyTheSavage Fri 23-Dec-16 21:35:04

flowers 3littlebadgers Sending love and light to you too.

3littlebadgers Fri 23-Dec-16 20:09:25

Oh Lily that is beautiful. Your love for your darling Paddy goes on, it is stronger than death, it keeps you linked to him and him to you.

For paddy flowers

And for all of our missing children flowers

LilyTheSavage Fri 23-Dec-16 20:04:03

Thank you dear Mojito for all your messages. I haven't been here lately because sometimes it's just best to hide away with my head under my wing.

My darling Paddy. Always on my mind. Always in my thoughts. Always at the front of everything I do. To be honest, I am struggling without you being here. Your cheeky grin. Your tight squeezy hugs. Your noise. Your smell. You cuddling your dog. Everything is tainted with your loss. Your absence.

I have flowers to make into a wreath for you and a little Christmas tree and candles which I shall take to you tomorrow night so that they can burn through the night. Light you up. It's so wrong that I am buying you flowers for Christmas. You should be here with us.

People are so happy and jolly and I just want to hide away and be alone. But I can't. Life is so hard to bear.

I miss you with every beat of my heart. My darling boy.

Mojito100 Thu 22-Dec-16 12:37:04

I'm thinking if you all the time at the moment. You are just constantly with me. It helps.

Mojito100 Sun 18-Dec-16 12:47:46

It was lovely to get your email and also your note on MN. I know just how you are feeling and wish I was there for you at the moment. So many big events this year in your life and now matter how wonderful your family are and making the most of their lives your beloved Paddy is never far from your thoughts and should also be doing all they are. Big events just make it more prominent that he isn't with you living his life as he deserves.

Mojito100 Thu 15-Dec-16 21:49:22

I've been thinking if you so much lately. Hope all is ok. flowerscakebrewwine

Mojito100 Sun 11-Dec-16 12:52:19

I had coffee this morning and sat thinking of you and Paddy. I have missed that quiet time in the morning.

Mojito100 Wed 07-Dec-16 02:56:20

flowers

Mojito100 Mon 05-Dec-16 13:55:02

I have missed you my dearest friend. My need to see you on mumsnet and send little notes is high at the moment. I'm missing my coffee routines where I can think of you and Paddy. I need some if that comfort back in my life. flowersbrewwine.

RoxAcrossThePond Thu 15-Sep-16 07:41:48

Lily, may the memory of your son be eternal, worthy of blessedness and ever to be remembered. May Christ give rest to Paddy's soul, where sickness and sorrow are no more, neither sighing, but life everlasting.

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