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Anyone else out there lost someone through a car accident? I want to start a support thread.

(36 Posts)
FlatsInDagenham Fri 01-Nov-13 17:18:14

I don't know anyone in RL who has been through this. I want to talk with others who understand.

Whether your loss was recent or a long time ago, please come and talk.

Notsurehowthathappened Tue 10-Dec-13 22:28:05

I am sorry to here of your horrific experience LL. I had a Motorway accident 20 years ago and also fractured my neck. I was lucky, it eventually healed and although I still experience pain on occassion it is very rare. I hope you will heal as well.

With regard to coping with this sort of experience, or the loss of a partner in the kind of accident my DH had, I firmly believe that you have to dig deep and find the inner strength to cope. Friends and family will offer support, but you have to have a determination that it will not define your life.

I took one day at a time and treated myself with kindness. If I stumbled and found it difficult to cope one day, I didn't beat myself up about it. I recognised everything I had lost, but thought about and valued all the gifts I had in my life. When I woke up in the morning I focused on and felt grateful for the fact I was alive, had a roof over my head, could afford to eat, had a wonderful family and good friends. By starting each day with positive thoughts I found it easier to cope.

Over time the shock and grief becomes easier to bear. I dont believe that time heals grief, but I do believe you grow a bigger life around that grief. It becomes an encapsulated part of your life experience.

Many, many years later, I can dissolve in tears over a piece of music, the smell of a particular aftershave, or the sight of a photograph. I can also crumble when faced with a simple household problem that normally we would have shared. But I have survived and I have a happy and fulfilling life !!

CPtart Sun 11-Sep-16 19:45:19

I have resurrected this thread as my lovely mum was killed in a car accident last week. The stories so far are both sad yet strangely reassuring. As details of the accident become clear I have awful thoughts running through my head, and reading others' experiences really does help.
flowers to you all.

Squeegle Sun 11-Sep-16 20:22:49

flowers to you CP, so sorry

Simmi1 Wed 14-Sep-16 07:26:51

flowers CP, so sorry about your mum

Coconutty Thu 15-Sep-16 21:27:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GuinefortGrey Thu 15-Sep-16 22:15:30

flowers CP
My DH died in a car accident 9 years ago, leaving me 8 months pregnant with our 3rd child. He only nipped out a couple of miles down the road to get the Sunday papers. I still struggle to comprehend it. I am an entirely different person now. Everything I knew and thought I knew about my life, my future, gone in a moment.
I've re-built what looks like a fairly decent life from the outside but inside am a very sad person. I can rarely answer the phone. I panic if it rings. I'm very anxious. I have no friends anymore, only acquaintances, as I can't let anyone "in" and start to back away/withdraw/let people down if they get too close. Self preservation.

GuinefortGrey Thu 15-Sep-16 22:19:16

I know most of the posts on this thread are very old but just wanted to thank those who came on to reassure that they felt no fear when in the midst of a serious accident. It would give me so much peace to know my DH was not afraid or in pain in his final moments.

LittleCandle Thu 15-Sep-16 22:26:30

DM was killed in a car accident 17 years ago. Her friend who was driving nodded off at the wheel, we think. DM was the front seat passenger and was killed by the seat belt tightening, but not releasing and her chest was crushed. I am lucky, in that a friend's husband was a firefighter on the scene and a neighbour was the chief paramedic, so I know they did everything they could for her. The shock was horrendous, but with the hindsight of years, I am oddly grateful that this is how she went out. I did not have to see her deteriorate or be overcome by dementia. I still remember her as she was, and that is a blessing. DF was not so lucky and even though I know it was illness that made him so horrible, I still do not miss him and find it difficult to remember him as he was before he became so ill.

I found habit was a great way of coping. I am a creature of habit anyway, but picking up the things that I usually did was a good way to move forward. If I had sat at home and sobbed in a corner (which DF thought I should have done) DM would have come back to haunt me. It wasn't easy and there are some days that it still isn't easy. Some days it feels as if it just happened a moment ago and I can barely breathe. Certain songs trigger tears. Knowing that DM never got to know DB's children and they will never know about her because of his stupid behaviour (long story) hurts. It does make me more aware of my surroundings when I am driving, although I am as guilty as anyone else of sometimes not paying as much attention as I ought to do. It hurts that she is not here to see my granddaughter, who bears DM's name as part of her own. It hurts that she won't see DD2 graduate next summer. But life has to go on and I have learned to cope without her most of the time.

But there's always a hollow space where she should have been.

CPtart Sun 18-Sep-16 07:54:50

Thank you so much for sharing.

Rainshowers Wed 21-Sep-16 08:26:23

CP, I'm so sorry, thinking of you and your mum.

My dad died last year after being hit by a (stolen, speeding) car while crossing the road. I still can't comprehend that one minute he was here, and then he wasn't. It's massively affected my life over the last year, which is understandable I guess. The worst thing is hearing the doorbell, as I flashback to when the police turned up that night.

I haven't tried counselling yet, although my DH keeps suggesting it. I think I'm just living in a bit of a bubble and going through the motions, as long as I don't have too much time to think I can keep functioning.

derxa Wed 21-Sep-16 08:46:01

I lost my brother over 20 years ago to a RTA. I empathise with all of you. The fear never goes away and I made my family's life a misery with it.
flowers to all. I know just how you feel.

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