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My sister has taken her life

(45 Posts)
vix206 Fri 18-Oct-13 11:46:58

That's it really. She went missing at the weekend and all I know right now is that she jumped from a tall building in London. She had just been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She was 42 and one of the funniest, seemingly happiest people I knew.

I found out at 9.30 last night and am still walking around in denial. I have a 3 year old DS and am 26 weeks pregnant. So have to keep it together. Luckily have a very supportive dh and friends.

Sorry, I'm rambling I just had to get this down. I fear I will need more support as the days pass and more details are revealed.

Juneywoony Fri 22-Nov-13 07:45:28

So very sorry for the loss of your dear sister.

My sister committed suicide on the 27th of October almost 4 weeks ago now. She hung herself and my brother found her. She would have been 28 four days later.

I know your pain and it hurts like hell, doesn't it?!

Can't really say much more, we had the funeral on the 11th of November and now I feel lost, crying everyday, not eating much.

I have a 6 yr old dd and a 4 yr old ds, it breaks my heart to see them so upset, not so much my son as he is that little bit too young to understand, however my daughter is breaking her heart, I have just arranged bereavement counselling for her through school.

Sending you lots of hugs, xxxx

Pogosticks Fri 01-Nov-13 22:15:54

Oh you poor love, that's terrible. You sound very dignified though, and doing what is best for your baby by avoiding any confrontation. No one else knows the relationship you had and you can still say your own farewells. Our local church has an annual bereavement service, I'm sure most churches do, if that's your sort of thing. Sending much love.

LidlAngel Fri 01-Nov-13 20:25:19

I'm so sorry. Let in all out on here, we're listening.....

lastnightopenedmyeyes Fri 01-Nov-13 20:22:58

OP here - I name changed. Thanks for checking up on me. Sadly due to a family argument that had nothing to do with me, I was told I was unwelcome at the funeral. Both myself and my father. As I had already been warned by the dr to stay calm I decided not to go. I could've 'fought' my way in had I not been pregnant. It is a 3 hr drive each way to where the funeral was.

It was yesterday. The anger I've felt has totally blocked my grief, so I still haven't really faced up to it. But my dad has asked the coroner for the suicide note so I think once I see that the pain will hit.

Pogosticks Sat 26-Oct-13 09:13:23

Just checking back to see how you are doing vix - we are still here for you. And nichat I am so sorry for your loss, and that of you little one.

vix206 Tue 22-Oct-13 08:13:43

Thank you all. I think I'm in limbo land really until the funeral as I feel that's when it will really hit me. We've been told to expect it within 2 weeks.

Prforone Tue 22-Oct-13 00:33:18

So sorry hmm

I too have experienced a suicide in the family and know how painful this time is for you. Please look after yourself and let others look after you x

hashtagwhatever Mon 21-Oct-13 23:52:44

sending strength to you.

each day at a time. x

QOD Sun 20-Oct-13 16:10:40

Gosh I'm so sorry sad

nichat Sun 20-Oct-13 16:08:59

I am so sorry for your loss - suicide is devastating, my gorgeous partner who was my World hanged himself 5 weeks ago & I feel like I am going crazy - I have a 6 year old son who also loved him very much & try to keep going for him but the pain is tremendous & it's so very hard. Look after yourself & just take little steps X

HRHLadyG Sat 19-Oct-13 19:44:06

The note may help to give you some clarity. Whatever it says, you must remember that this was her choice and others may never fully understand.
Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, we cant fight our emotions. Try to breathe and know that each feeling, however overwhelming will pass and is simply your bodies way of coping with your shock and sadness. x

HRHLadyG Sat 19-Oct-13 19:39:55

Sending you hugs and strength.
Be kind to yourself, sometimes all you can do is breathe, eat, sleep and put one foot in front of the other. x

vix206 Sat 19-Oct-13 19:36:29

I think it's really starting to sink in now. Every time DS cries it makes me cry, I just can't bear to see the sadness. I'm suddenly panicky about having the baby, feeling its a mistake as it will detract love/attention from DS. Just feeling really anxious along with so much guilt, regret and sadness. Friends are telling me this is all normal stuff. It's only been 48 hours.

Got more details today from coroner. My sister left a note in her passport, a sorry note. They haven't released it yet but I am looking forward to knowing what she wrote. I thought it was very unlike her to not leave something for us.

GRW Fri 18-Oct-13 23:08:31

I am so sorry for your loss. It is good that you have your DH and friends you can talk to when the difficult thoughts overwhelm you. My sister took her life 15 years ago, so I have some appreciation of how painful it is for you now. It took a long time before the manner of my sister's death stopped clouding the happy memories I had of her, but it is easier now. Thinking of you.

vix206 Fri 18-Oct-13 20:51:37

Thanks again to everyone. I'm still in denial but starting to get moments of horrid realisation now.

CacklinCrochetKate Fri 18-Oct-13 13:27:44

So sorry for your loss

CALM have an information pack which may help you when you feel ready here

ChristmasPixie123 Fri 18-Oct-13 13:09:07

Sorry for your loss Vix

NulliusInBlurba Fri 18-Oct-13 13:05:59

Sorry to hear this vix. DH went through the same thing with a sibling two years ago. He found this book helpful. Even though it's based in the US, DH found it relevant in its exploration of sibling relationships and the complex feelings that can follow a suicide. He also went monthly to a local relatives' group for people affected by suicide. It's a bugger, though, and your personal family situation sounds horribly complicated, which can only make it more difficult. Wishing you strength.

jojane Fri 18-Oct-13 12:59:31

My brother in law killed himself a couple of months ago and it has hit our family for six, I swing between feeling that he is now better off, he just wasn't happy in this life to feeling that he is the most selfish person ever leaving us all behind to deal with it (it was MIL who found him).
We didn't live near him so for us (and the children) life hasn't changed that much which makes it easier to cope but MIL is finding it hard as he was her only child living nearby and they used to walk dogs etc most days.

fanoftheinvisibleman Fri 18-Oct-13 12:57:02

I'm so sorry.

Cybercat Fri 18-Oct-13 12:55:06

I am so so sorry. Words escape me at times like this but I am thinking of you.

Manchesterhistorygirl Fri 18-Oct-13 12:49:09

I'm so sorry for your loss Vix.

vix206 Fri 18-Oct-13 12:48:35

I'm sorry for your loss shallweshop, and I can totally understand your coping mechanism.

PloddingDaily Fri 18-Oct-13 12:47:54

Thinking you of & your dad Vix. X

shallweshop Fri 18-Oct-13 12:46:58

How devastating for you. I am so sorry for your huge loss. My sister died two months ago following illness and it must be even harder when a loved one has taken their own life. I am still in denial about my sister. I carry on with my day to day activities and imagine in the back of my mind that she is getting on with hers - it is the only way I can cope. I have two young children - 6 and 9 - and they are a huge help. If it wasn't for them, I would have fallen apart. Having also lost my mum and dad, my kids and DH are the only close family I have left.

Two months on, I allow myself periods when I think about the unthinkable thing that has happened and I let the grief engulf me and then its back to my state of denial.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

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