Advanced search

My wonderful, amazing granddad has died

(23 Posts)
LollipopViolet Sat 28-Sep-13 08:25:05

He was basically my dad. I live with my mum, my uncle (her brother, who is disabled) and my grandparents. I've never met my dad, so he was basically dad and granddad to me sad

I've had a thread going on in Chat here

I've had a cry, now I'm just... numb. I keep thinking of all the practical stuff, and just can't figure out how we'll be OK...

R.I.P Granddad, your little favourite loves you xxx

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sat 28-Sep-13 08:30:28

thanks <hugs> sorry to hear this

LollipopViolet Sat 28-Sep-13 08:50:58

I've just seen my gran cry for the first time in my life (I'm 23). Me, mum and gran held each other in a little circle and let it out.

Apparently he was very peaceful, which is good to know.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sat 28-Sep-13 08:55:04

I'm glad you have such a lovely close bond with your mum and gran and that he was peaceful smile

Galena Sat 28-Sep-13 09:00:44

I'm sorry to hear this, Lolli, but at least he was peaceful and didn't spend a long time suffering. The message your gran passed on to you shows me he knew and had made peace with it. It hurts, of course it hurts. xxx and hugs

LollipopViolet Sat 28-Sep-13 09:05:59

Yeah, I knew as soon as mum passed that message on last night. I text my gran to ask her to tell him I love him very much, and that he's like a dad to me, and she text back saying "he knows", so although I didn't visit him yesterday (and regret that) he did know how I felt about him.

Poor mum and uncle have been up all night - I got to bed around 12.20 this morning.

I nearly ended up going to Swindon for the day earlier - I'm a massive ice hockey fan and our team are playing down there tonight. But it'd be an 11.30 - 12am return home, and we all need our sleep tonight! Will be at the home game tomorrow, in my usual voluntary role - he would've wanted me to go and be surrounded by friends.

PolterGoose Sat 28-Sep-13 09:12:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LollipopViolet Sat 28-Sep-13 10:01:16

I just spoke to my best friend - she's amazing, has contacted some other friends for me, and has offered her house as a sanctuary later if I feel like getting out and about and seeing her. Other friends have text, and asked me to pass on their love to my family.

I just can't believe it. I've still not told work, I don't know if I need to, or if I'm even entitled to any time off, or what to do.

Imnotaslimjim Sat 28-Sep-13 10:36:44

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Lolli, you must be devastated

As to the practicalities, inform work as soon as you can, explain the family situation (that he raised you as your father) and you might be entitled to bereavement leave

LollipopViolet Sat 28-Sep-13 10:45:27

Work knew of his illness, and just yesterday I was telling my immediate manager that things had deteriorated and that the next two days were critical. Said manager isn't in today, and I've only got his mobile number, so think I will wait til Monday morning, then phone the main office number.

Whatdoido5 Sat 28-Sep-13 10:48:02

Hugs. I'm so sorry.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Lollipop. sad Your lovely granddad, I'm sure he was very proud if you.

LollipopViolet Sat 28-Sep-13 13:12:23

Work now know - manager is being nice, asked if there's anything he could do to help. Just going to have to steel myself and get through Monday I suppose.

LollipopViolet Sat 28-Sep-13 13:35:37

Is it normal to be numb? Most of the time I'm not really feeling anything, I'm almost in a daze.

I've just spontaneously had a little cry. I'm all over the place. This does not bode well for the next few days - especially work on Monday on the phones.

Thumbwitch Sat 28-Sep-13 13:38:57

Lollipop, it is normal to be numb at this stage, yes. Little cries to start with then when the "shock" reaction wears off (and even though you were expecting it, it's still shock that your body goes into) you'll find you cry more.

So sorry to hear of your loss. thanks

I don't think you are automatically allowed compassionate leave for a grandparent, but, depending on how nice your work are, if you tell them he was more like a father to you, they might let you have it.

ouryve Sat 28-Sep-13 15:30:46

Hugs, Lollipop. I'm so sorry flowers

LollipopViolet Sat 28-Sep-13 20:00:12

Thumbwitch my work are lovely people, but not a lovely company iyswim? I'm actually looking for another job. We're also short staffed as another guy left, so there's really no chance of leave.

I really want to be involved in planning his funeral too, so I'm hoping they'll at least let me have half a day here and there, if needs be. Or hopefully I'll be in another job soon (have an interview Monday morning...)

LollipopViolet Tue 01-Oct-13 21:08:57

Hey, guess what?

I got through today without crying smile

me and my amazing granddad, when I was younger

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat Tue 01-Oct-13 21:24:37

I'm so sorry Lollipop.

It's perfectly normal to feel numb.
It's also perfectly normal to cry all the time.
Everyone deals with things differently.

I am glad he was peaceful and knew how much you loved him. I am sure that was a great comfort to him - knowing he had a supporting, loving family who would do anything for him and miss him terribly.

I am sure you will all prepare an amazing funeral for him.

Thumbwitch Wed 02-Oct-13 02:17:23

Well done Lollipop - he looks like a lovely man. RIP Lolli's grandad xx

LollipopViolet Wed 02-Oct-13 21:45:32

He WAS a lovely man, no one who knew him ever had a bad word to say.

Things got "real" today - the funeral director came, and left a load of information sad

I wasn't at home, which I'm kind of sad about - I wanted to be involved, but we've not got everything planned yet, so there's still time.

Part of me thinks I'd like to do a reading, but I'm not sure. And if I did, I'm not sure what I'd read.

LollipopViolet Tue 08-Oct-13 20:23:40

Well, it's all becoming very real. We've got a date for the funeral, and a cause of death (we got a post mortem). Disseminated thoracic malignancy - lung cancer sad

I've picked some music for the service, which has made me feel more involved, and I'm working on a poem I'd like to read, if I can. I'm also writing a letter to my granddad, and will ask the funeral director if I can leave it, and a photograph, with him.

I want to go and see him, but I'm a bit... scared? Nervous? I'm not sure. I know he won't look like him, he didn't in the hospital, so I can accept that. I think I'll regret it more if I don't go, like I regret going into work that Friday, when he died on the Saturday morning.

Just wish there was a guide on what to expect!

LollipopViolet Fri 18-Oct-13 09:06:51

went to see him yesterday - a very emotional thing, but glad I went.

Today is his funeral, please keep us all in your thoughts. I already know I'm not going to make it through the day without crying, but we are going to celebrate this wonderful man smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now