This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
My mums best friend's son commited suicide on Thurs, he was 30 YO. His mum came back off holiday on Thursday and had a call to say could she go and identify the body he took a overdose.
There was no indication of him being depressed but had always been a "troubled soul", had been on heroin a long time ago but got himself off it and had built himself a new life, it is just so sad.
I will just not know what to say to her apart from the usual things you say, but what can you say to a mother who's son has commited suicide.
I certainly don't know.
then just listen to her - she'll have questions you'll never answer and she wont expect you to - just your presence may be enough
just listen to her and be there for all the family and please dont stop when everyone else does
Unfortunately my sister overdosed 3 years ago and she was 30.
I've had no direct experience, but I've heard that one of the worst effects suicides have on those close to them is that they leave the bereaved with a great load of guilt. Maybe your mum's friend might need reassurance that she wasn't responsible, that her son was very ill? Not sure you'd be the one to provide that reassurance, but maybe your mother can?
Pucca - I do not know what you can say - I think part of the problem is words can not express that sort of grief. My young nephew died (of cancer) and I think what my sister appreciated the most was when people didnt expect her to 'get over it' or stop talking about it. He died 3 years ago and I still talk to her about it as much as she wants to - I think that is what comforts her. Not being expected to forget him.
I can imagine that when someone commits suicide the family find it even harder to talk about, or to say the good memories they have of that person, but they still need to. So I would be sensitive, but not shy away from mentioning him, and being open for the mother to talk when she wants to.
I know my mum will know what to say, it is me i really feel for her, i just can't believe it.
How awful, pecca. no advice, agree with everyone else that words fail at times like these and all you can do is be there, not forget him and take your lead from his mum.
One thing that might be good to do is to write a sympathy card with some memories of him, particularly any more positive ones you have. I was too upset to really read the ones I got given when my mother died but later on I found them a real comfort.
so sorry to hear pecca. My borther drowned himself when he was 24, 5 years ago now. he had just come totally clean from all the drugs, but suffered terrible paranoia and i guess in the end it became too much for him. My mother was very strong but totally devasteated. For her the best thing was that people spoke about him and remembered him, she didnt want him forgotten about. maybe your mums friend will be the same, just offer her comfort.