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Feeling Low (bit long - sorry)(3 Posts)
Wasn't sure what to put this under as there are several things I'm feeling low about, and I think all I want to do is offload all this somewhere to try and make myself feel better.
This weekend it's three years since my Dad died, it was sudden and the day before his birthday (and 5 days before mine, so the funeral was the day before my birthday). I live 3 hours drive away from most of my family and so didn't get there in time to say goodbye. I was 6 months pregnant at the time and DS was 21 months old, so didn't really allow myself much chance to get into being really down as I was worried about going into labour early, and did have some contractions for a while.
DH was absolutely rubbish at being supportive at the time, and has been completely rubbish at being supportive about it ever since. He gets defensive and aggressive if I get upset and makes me feel guilty for talking about it. I get a bit miserable at this time of year as I really miss my Dad, I am the youngest of 4 and was his favourite and we had a really close relationship. Usually go to Mums on the day so we can go and look at the Book of Remembrance together (no grave/cremation plot as we scattered his ashes in a favourite spot), couldn't go this year as DS was at school and couldn't make it there and back in time so feel bad about that. Mum put on a brave face about it, but I know she wanted me to be there.
DH knows I feel vulnerable at this time and that I need a bit of reassurance that people care about me (actually that he cares about me). He didn't even say happy valentines day, never mind get me a card (which he has always done before), and when I said that I was a bit hurt about this he stomped off in a temper and has been sulking all day today too. He has been rude and snappy with me and with the kids - no attempt to make up for it at all, but it feels like he's trying to make it all my fault IYSWIM. Oh and he went to bed at 8 this evening so he didn't have to talk to me.
Just feeling a bit shaky and sad that's all, and wanted to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading this far if you have, sorry if it's been boring, but just wanted a rant.
You poor thing. I'm sorry I have no useful advice but just had to reply to let you know how sorry I am that you're going through all this.
Oh Wedgiesmum, poor poor you, I am not surprised you feel so low
I don't have any experience at this so don't know how to offer words of comfort but perhaps you have a close friend you could talk thru your grief with - it is obviously still very raw for you, perhaps because you weren't able to grieve properly at the time? If not, maybe you could consider counselling via your GP or with Cruse? It sounds like you are grieving for your dad and unhappy with your DH's behaviour at the same time and that is a lot to deal with at once
I wish you all the best