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Do I tell family member how I feel (all good) before she passes away?

(11 Posts)
vladthedisorganised Thu 05-Sep-13 09:27:37

Absolutely. The best piece of advice I ever had was to use the time when my mum was dying to say all the things I wanted to say. We were really not touchy-feely but I felt honoured to have the last few days with her, and able to say how I really felt.

In typical fashion our last 'meaningful' conversation ended with her saying 'I think I've said all the meaningful things I need to say. So, now we've got time for the fun stuff..' I'll always remember that bit too.

fanoftheinvisibleman Thu 05-Sep-13 09:18:41

Do it.

I will always regret not doing so with my grandma. The last time I saw her was christmas day 2006. Dh, 1 year old ds and I went in the morning to the hospital. We had a lovely hour where she cuddled ds and we took some of his presents so she could watch him (the first xmas he was 8 weeks old and she was so excited she'd opened all his presents smile.

And when it was time to leave I said 'See you later' and then got in the lift and sobbed because I knew I wouldn't ever see her again and I am a coward sad.

millymolls Thu 05-Sep-13 09:11:55

I wrote a letter to my dad 6 years ago when he was in hospital with cancer and it was not known whether he would have a good outcome. I know my dad loves me and vice versa but we are not a touchy feely kind of family and struggle to show feelings or emotions - its just 'known'.

FOrtunately he came through and lives to tell the tale 6 years later but i will never regret sending that letter and i know he often looks at it.

I think we always regret the things we dont do rather than the things we do.

Woolyboots Thu 05-Sep-13 08:00:19

Littlefish and BiBi I'm glad you got to say what you wanted to before your loved ones passed away. Thanks for sharing that with me, I've written a letter and will post it today in a lovely card I found. I feel a little embarrassed actually as we have never said how we feel but know I will more likely regret not sending it and doubting she knew iyswim. I just feel so incredibly sad now.

Littlefish Wed 04-Sep-13 20:15:22

Definitely do it. I wrote to my grandfather before he died because I didn't want him to be in any doubt about how incredibly important he was to me. After he died, my mum went through his things and found a box of his treasured possessions in his room, and in it was my letter to him.

I will always regret not writing to my beloved aunt before she died. It's what made me determined to write to my grandfather.

Woolyboots Wed 04-Sep-13 20:07:18

Thanks so much for that. I will do it then, although it will be so difficult to write. At least I will not regret not telling her then when the time comes. Thank you.

Hassled Wed 04-Sep-13 18:44:33

Do it. Say whatever you have to say. There's nothing worse than regrets later on.

BiBiBroccoli Wed 04-Sep-13 18:43:07

definitely do it. I lost my step dad this year and am so glad I told him how much I loved him and how lucky I felt I was to have got him as a 'bonus parent' We both cried but it was lovely for both of us to acknowledge that love.

I'm so sorry for the sad situation you are in.

LaurieFairyCake Wed 04-Sep-13 18:40:15

Always say everything smile

motherinferior Wed 04-Sep-13 18:37:33

I think you should do it.

Woolyboots Wed 04-Sep-13 18:34:06

Very close family member will pass away very soon, and I'm torn whether to send a card with a bit of a "I want you to know how much I love you" sentiment. I don't want them to feel like I'm doing it because they are dying, but actually I am, because I feel I should tell her how much she means to me whilst I can. We don't usually tell each other we love each other, it's just understood, but I want her to know how much I love her and what a positive influence ahe has been in my life.

So, has anyone been in this position? What would you do or say? Many thanks for any help. I haven't got long to decide.

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