how can he not come home

[bymyside]

my wonderful husband went to work a few weeks ago - we'd had a lovely weekend - just laughing and talking about our new found freedom as the last of our 3 sons had just moved out - he phoned at dinner for something daft and we just laughed and i finished the call saying "it's a good job I love you" he then walked across the warehouse floor and collapsed. His boss came and said he had collapsed at work and took me to the hospital -I was laughing saying he wont be happy if he has to miss his golf at the weekend - the nurse took me into a room - and said i had to wait for the doctor - i thought "gosh he wont be happy if he has to stop in overnight"- then a young doctor came in and looked at me and i just knew - my whole world collapsed.
He had a post mortem and the coroner said it was a blocked artery - he was fit and healthy but it was one of those 1 in a million chances. He had died instantly. I had to phone my 3 sons and I never want to hear cries like that again.
We had the funeral - we had been married 32 years, he had been in the army for 20 years and the church was packed - I managed to speak about our love before they played our favourite music i needed to say one more time to him" listen they are playing our song."
I coped really well the first month I think. I went back to work and everyone has been so kind - but the reality has hit me that i will never see him again and my heart is breaking- i just feel completely shattered and that I will never be happy again - how can he just not come back.

[DoItTooJulia]

Oh bymyside, what a terrible shock.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how it feels for you.

Have you got much RL support? I really feel for you. Here to chat if it helps.

[bymyside]

I know that I am blessed because he had wonderful brothers and sisters who live close by, my sons having got through some of their grief are so supportive, his work and my work have been amazing and i do have lots of friends - its just when in the night when i am alone in a big empty bed that i can't stop crying. I know everyone has to grieve and it will get better but i just hate that all our plans to grow old together are gone. I think if he had been ill or in an accident - it would make a tiny bit of sense - but this is just horrendous. Thanks for listening.

[Morgause]

I wish I had the words to help.

[Salbertina]

Of course it's horrendous- you're grieving him plus the loss of your future life together

I am so sorry, OP. whatever gets you through those long nights, i guess- calling a friend, chocs, dvds, bawling, wine, therapy, sleeping pills.. Treat yourself a little, if you can?

[HairyPotter]

I am so very sorry for your loss. What a terrible shock. There are no words I can say that will help, but we are all here to listen.

[Hassled]

I'm so sorry for you loss. It sounds like you had a wonderful marriage and that you made him very happy. You'll see parts of him again in your sons, I'm sure.

This is the Cruse website - when you're ready, have a look. They can arrange bereavement counselling.

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

I am so very sorry to read of this. You must be in utter shock. What I can't help but sense from your post is the incredible love you and respect both you and DH had for each other.

You'll find the strength to get through this .

[Imnotaslimjim]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a wonderful life together

Accept the grief for what it is - the process we go through so we can accept the loss of a loved one. Everything you are feeling is normal and expected. Just keep in mind that it does get easier. To quote a cliche, time DOES heal

[TrinityRhino]

I'm so very very sorry for your loss

I'm holding you tight

time does help you to cope with the pain

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

OP, how are you? I have been thinking of you. Are you getting plenty RL support? Come back and talk anytime

[NothingsLeft]

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a shock for you. Hope you are doing ok

[ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee]

Sadly many of us understand the pain you are going through :(

We're always here if you want to talk.

Lots of love
x