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Have just lost my baby at 25 weeks

(188 Posts)
Sleepathon Sun 25-Aug-13 12:49:40

I am sat with my hubby in hospital and have just been told that baby has died, there is no heartbeat.

I haven't really cried although my hubby is in bits. They are about to give me a tablet which will get things going to induce labour.

This was my first pregnancy. I think I may be in shock cos all I can think of is the practical things. Like cancelling the furniture order which is being delivered on Wednesday. Yesterday we did a massive shop, ordered a travel system, bought bedding, a cuddly toy etc. I have just cancelled an Asda order due for delivery where I had bought some nappies and sudocream etc.

The thing I am dreading is telling the rest of my family and my friends. I hate pity and I hate people feeling sorry for me. My family are all going to want to come round and I don't think I want to see them just yet.

I am scared about how I'm going to feel in the following months. It took us 18 months to conceive. Am I right in thinking I will get full maternity leave as baby is going to be classed as stillborn rather than miscarriage? One of my best friends at work is pregnant. And another has just had her baby.

What am I going to do with all the baby clothes I have bought? sad

Please say a prayer for us.
Any advice on coping is appreciated x

PGRated Wed 28-Aug-13 16:58:07

Sorry for your loss OP. Your son sounds beautiful. sad

Sleepathon Wed 28-Aug-13 16:59:41

That poem is beautiful :-)

We have so many lovely pictures. His hand and foot prints are perfect.
He is now buried; was sad saying goodbye but feel at peace with it all. Ibrahim has gone to heaven with lots of love and kisses from his mummy and daddy.

Thank you all for the offers of support x

JohFlow Wed 28-Aug-13 17:02:16

Praying that you child makes a smooth transition to the other side. I'm sure they're an angel xxx

tinypumpkin Wed 28-Aug-13 20:19:16

Praying for your and your beautiful son tonight Sleep.

I am glad you have beautiful prints. I have my daughter's prints in a necklace that I wear everyday.

tinypumpkin Fri 30-Aug-13 09:13:50

Just wondering how you are doing Sleep.

Lancashire21 Fri 30-Aug-13 10:01:58

I am so sorry

LottieJenkins Fri 30-Aug-13 10:26:48

I lit a candle for you all and remembered Ibrahim in prayers at church last night. Sending love and hugs xx

HorseyGirl1 Sat 31-Aug-13 21:43:23

So sorry, thinking of you and yours. It will get better, it won't ever be the same but it will get better. With all my heart I promise it will xx

Sleepathon Sun 01-Sep-13 11:06:11

Thanks again for all your support.

The strength I had when I found out the news and through the labour seems to have vanished. I feel lost and very empty. Wish I could kiss and cuddle my little Ibrahim. He shouldn't be on his own right now sad

Feel insanely jealous of all the other mums with children running around. Does this feeling ever go? How am I going to cope with my one of my best friends having her 12 week scan next week?

I keep wondering if there was anything I could have done to prevent this. Me and DH dtd last Fri night, was that the cause?? Why didn't I notice he wasn't moving sooner?

I also think of all the women who have had a stillbirth full term. With all their nurseries ready, shopping done, people asking how baby is. How do you cope with this??

I feel so lost

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 01-Sep-13 11:15:32

As requested we've moved this to bereavement
Sending love and light to you

SauvignonBlanche Sun 01-Sep-13 11:28:27

When the immediate numbness wears off, the pain begins. I'm so sorry you are going through this. The pain never disappears but it will lessen.
Please don't punish yourself with 'what if's', this was not your fault.

The jealousy is hard but only natural, I used to feel so cross with women smoking over their prams, or when heavily pregnant and for a while you feel that everywhere you look are babies or pregnant women; this too will pass.

My DSis has just lost a baby at term, the nursery was all ready, the pram was under the stairs. Somehow we find the strength to get through these things, I don't know how.

"Dear Lord, I would have loved to hold my baby on my lap and tell them about you, but since I didn’t get the chance, would you please hold them on yours and tell them about me?”

Ibrahim is not on his own and neither are you - God bless you x

tinypumpkin Sun 01-Sep-13 21:31:25

I have to agree with SauvignonBlanche. The pain will never leave for me but life gets more manageable. I could not believe this at the time (almost four years ago now) but is true. I won't say that time heals as I am not sure that it does, but things that I found impossible after losing DD don't seem so impossible now. I still miss DD1 and always will.

These are such early days for you, I hope that people are being really supportive in real life. Take each hour as it comes. Thinking of you and your beautiful Ibrahim x

skislope Sun 01-Sep-13 22:45:22

Sending a prayer for you x

imip Mon 02-Sep-13 05:53:24

(((Sleep)))). I remember the pain of seeing other pregnant women so well. This is a really hard time and you just need to do what you need to do to get through each day. If a these involve jealous feelings, don't worry about having them. You are grieving and it is entirely natural. I thought would suffocate with all the pregnant people around me.

For me, the worst of those feelings subsided after the birth of dd1, however, I would never say that they completely went. Even now, when someone blissfully mentions their first pregnancy I feel a little bit of resentment. I am not ashamed to admit it, it hurts. Why couldn't my first pregnancy turn out like that.but I don't feel the bitterness that I used to feel. And thank God, I felt like that bitterness would consume me at times.

Also, you did nothing to cause the death of your baby. But you will always try to find out what you did wrong. You did nothing wrong.

As others have mention, you learn to live with this. It's not easy to get to this point. My daughter would be almost 8 now and I still think of her every day and her younger sisters mention her all the time. She is part of our family, of our 'story'. We've kept her alive in our hearts by including her in our family.

Wishing you and your dh peace....x

Sleepathon Tue 03-Sep-13 20:48:03

This time last week my beautiful son Ibrahim was born asleep.

Life is a bit of a daze right now. Don't know whether I'm coming or going. Can't believe 2013 was my happiest but will also be the saddest year of my life.

If only I could have one more cuddle, one more kiss. If only I could tuck him back into my tummy again and never let him out.

tinypumpkin Tue 03-Sep-13 21:23:28

The if onlys are hard aren't they Sleep. I have been thinking of you and your beautiful boy.

Keep talking to us, we are listening. Wishing it was so very different for all of us who have lost a child.

Sending much love to you and remembering Ibrahim with you.

imip Wed 04-Sep-13 09:50:40

Holding your hand, sleep (xxx). I counted down like that for a long time. One week to the minute that I had my little baby girl, I wrote all about her birth and the events leading up to it. It's tucked away in her memory box and perhaps one day I will be strong enough to read it.

OctopusPete8 Wed 04-Sep-13 09:52:27

So sorry for your loss thanks

will be thinking of you.

you need to do what is right for you by all means tell ppl close but say you're not read to see anyone.

WireCat Wed 04-Sep-13 09:54:24

I am so sorry xxx

dontmixthecolours Wed 04-Sep-13 10:13:36

I'm so sorry that you lost Ibrahim sleep. Please know that the pain will lessen as time goes on. This is all still very fresh and raw and what you are feeling is totally normal

And please take time to grieve and acknowledge your huge loss. Be kind to yourself and do whatever you need too.

My son, Christopher was born at 20 weeks 2 years ago and, as a previous poster said we keep him alive by talking about him with his sisters, he will always be part of our family.

Sending your much love

MyBoysAreFab Wed 04-Sep-13 10:17:24

Sleepathon, I had to post after reading this. Your posts are both heartwrenching and beautiful. My sister-in-law went through what you have.

I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel, but you are bound to go through different stages of grief. Take all the help and support offered and seek it out if you need it. Be kind to yourselves, your beautiful boy will always be there with you. flowers

tinypumpkin Sun 08-Sep-13 20:33:54

How are you doing Sleep? Have been thinking of you, your DH and Ibrahim. Keeping you all in my thoughts.

Sleepathon Mon 09-Sep-13 18:56:24

We are ok thank you tiny.
It'll be 2 weeks since I gave birth tomorrow. I keep doing that, 2 weeks since this happened, 10 days since that, and 3 weeks ago I was blissfully unaware of what was to come and was the happiest person alive.

My friend had her 12 week scan today, I braved it and texted her. It was hard and I am outrageously jealous. I remember having my 12 week scan, funny how I thought I would have been over the worst of any problems after it!

We went to pick up Ibrahim's photos from the hospital on Friday, it wasn't too traumatic. Walked through a waiting room full of pregnant women waiting for various appointments. The worst thing was when I walked outside and saw a very heavily pregnant woman puffing away on a fag. It's the injustice of it all. She's probably going to have a perfectly healthy baby and I don't have anything.

Find it quite difficult to get motivated everyday. Glad I took everyone's advice and now on maternity leave. Already absolutely dreading going backto work. Best I don't think of it for a while...although work had a collection going to send flowers to me, however I have asked them to get the money and send it to a charity (Project Linus - they make patchwork blankets for poorly children)

Sleepathon Mon 09-Sep-13 18:59:00


... Ibrahim was wrapped in the most adorable blanket donated by Project Linus.

I know it is still soon but I am so dates if trying for a baby and about wether we will conceive again. It took us so long in the first place. What if I am never meant to have children? TTC was so stressful, not sure i can do it anymore but if we don't try then where is the hope in life?

WeAreSeven Mon 09-Sep-13 19:47:00

Sleep, I am so very sorry for your loss. We lost our daughter to SIDS after she was born prematurely. She lived for seven weeks.

I felt very bitter towards some mothers. I found TV shows like Toddlers and Tiaras very upsetting. dd was my only daughter after four boys and I couldn't understand why those silly women who made their daughters look like mini-adults were allowed to keep their daughters when I had lost mine. I never drank or smoked or did anything wrong during my pregnancy but someone I knew who drank a lot had a fullterm healthy baby. I felt and still feel very jealous of her.

You never get over it but it does get easier to bear. We are almost two years into this horrible journey and it's still hard but nothing like as hard as it was in the first few months.

Most of the Mums I know on MN and outside who lost a baby to stillbirth have gone on to have healthy babies. I can't, sadly but I understand the yearning to get pregnant again.

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