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Feeling strange about meeting my mum's new partner

(5 Posts)
lordymissclaudy Fri 16-Aug-13 23:01:13

Regular, but have namechanged. Basically I am due to meet my Mum's new partner next week and it just feels so wierd. Dad died 2 years ago and she has already been with the new man for almost a year, they met online (I don't live near my Mum, hence the delay in meeting him). I am happy for her in the sense that she is longer alone, has built up a new life for herself, and is no longer lonely/suicidal as she was for the first few months after Dad died. But I just miss my Dad so much and this just feels like a very difficult thing to do. I want to be welcoming but at the same time I can't help feeling almost defensive on my Dad's behalf! I am also concerned about my DD's and what they will think to Nanna's "friend". I still think of Mum's house very much as my Dad's house, even though of course it belongs to my Mum now and it is entirely up to her what she does with it, but the thought of "him" sleeping in my Dad's bed and using all my Dad's tools and things ... just wierd. My Mum is a very self absorbed sort of person, and doesn't seem to acknowledge that this is at all odd for me. That's all, just needed to share really.

WeAreSeven Sat 17-Aug-13 12:21:37

Oh, I think I would struggle with that too! My Mum has been single since my Dad died and while of course I know she would be entitled to meet someone else, I think I would still find it funny to see someone else with my Mum.

I suppose the main thing to remember is that this guy is not out to replace your Dad or take his place in your family. Easier said than done I know!

TwoStepsBeyond Sat 17-Aug-13 13:10:00

I can understand why you would find it strange and difficult, but I'm sure your dad would have wanted your mum to be happy. I know before my dad died he told my mum that he wanted her to meet someone else. She never met anyone special, but it meant a lot to her to have my dad's blessing to move on when the time was right.

My mum always knew that she would be buried next to my dad (bought a double plot!) and she had us kids and 40 years of marriage with my dad, so nobody else would ever be able to hold that special place in her heart, but as a loving person she needed companionship that you can't get from other family members who have their own lives and families.

Try and see your mum's new partner as a positive part of her new life, having spent the last year with him he probably feels like part of the furniture now, so no wonder she doesn't see how odd it is for you. Would it help to meet him somewhere neutral, not at her house?

lordymissclaudy Sat 17-Aug-13 17:40:51

Hi, thanks for your messages, yes I am happy for her and am sure my Dad would not have wanted her to be lonely. Just a strange feeling really.

Strand Sat 19-Oct-13 11:23:43

How you feel about the situation is normal but try to give the new man the benefit of a doubt. You might like him but acting defensive with him might ruin the chance of gaining a new friend. Plus, this might make your mum happy.

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