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My son is 15 today and noone has remembered

(157 Posts)
sosadaboutmyboy Tue 13-Aug-13 18:26:52

Today my little boy is 15.

Its been 15 years since I held him in my arms and promised to love and protect him forever .

Its been 15 years since I saw his beautiful face frowning at me like he was annoyed with me for giving birth to him because he was nice and cosy.

Its been 15 years since I attempted to dress him for the first time and failed miserably because I knew nothing at all about babies, everything fell off him.

Its been 15 years since I knew what unconditional love is, and knew that I could suffer anything for this little person I had made.

It has been 14 years and 7 months since he died and I knew, in that moment my life would never be the same, the sun would shine that bit less brightly and when I am happy there would always be a tinge of sadness too.

He was my life then, he is still part of my every day life now, I have photos all over my house, I took his clothes out of his box earlier and held them to my face, but I can't smell him on them any more, I held his teddy bear close to me and closed my eyes and tried to feel if he was around me, but I couldn't feel him either, I feel like I am in physical pain today which is made all the worse by not one single person remembering, not even my husband (he isn't his dad). Everyone just got up as usual and has been doing their usual things, people have called and asked for favours and had general chit chat, I just want to scream at them all and go and curl up into a little ball until this pain passes.

I don't really know why I am posting, I just want someone to know he is real and he is loved and is never forgotton. I don't get how someone so important to me, and whos death has shaped my whole adult life can just be nothing to those around me. Its like just because he was born and died so long ago that he doesn't matter to anyone else now.

Please feel free to ignore this, I just needed to vent somewhere.

(I namechanged for this just in case someone does recognise me, I have been on MN for a long time)

ilovecolinfirth Fri 30-Aug-13 07:36:06

Happy belated birthday to you Scott. X

GRW Fri 16-Aug-13 20:26:40

I'm sorry no one in RL has remembered, and thank you for telling us about your little boy with his wise brown eyes. It's clear he made a huge impression on the nurses looking after him at the hospital. Thinking of you

buzzgirly Thu 15-Aug-13 12:00:30

Happy birthday Scott!

Op I am so sorry that you're boy was taken so soon. I hope you're ok today. Your brother sounds lovely x

McRoo Wed 14-Aug-13 21:15:41

Happy Birthday, Scott and a huge hug to you.


sosadaboutmyboy Wed 14-Aug-13 21:06:45

Thank you so much for your thoughts.

I do feel a little better today. I told dh and he was mortified that he forgot and gave me a much needed hug and I made a cake for my kids and told them too so we had a few tears and hugs and blew out some candles for him and looked through his photos.

Platinum Mumof and filee I'm so sorry that you understand how I feel and thank you for your kindness. flowers

Platinumstart Wed 14-Aug-13 18:39:11

sosad your post re your brother made me cry.

I acknowledge that it can be hard for friends to know how to respond but I wish they understood how unfussy we as parents of lost babies are to the semantics.

I hope your day gas been peaceful

blondieminx Wed 14-Aug-13 18:23:01

OP you are allowed to be sad and feel pitiful - you were robbed of your child and no parent should ever endure that. Sending you love and strength x

ssd Wed 14-Aug-13 18:17:34

happy belated birthday Scott and big hugs to your mum xxx

and some for your uncle too xx

mirry2 Wed 14-Aug-13 16:06:41

Happy birthday to your lovely son flowers

stopusingmynicknames Wed 14-Aug-13 16:00:31

have just come across your thread, sosad. I too am in tears at your loss. Scott had a Mummy who loves him dearly, and your quote is absolutely spot on.
I'm glad that your brother remembered, and I hope that today is proving to be somewhat less of a struggle.

sosadaboutmyboy Wed 14-Aug-13 15:53:19

Thank you all, each and every one of you, for taking a few minutes to acknowledge my little boy on his birthday.

Everyone on this thread has shown more compassion and care than people I have known for 20 years or more and it means so much to me.

I am so sorry that I share this experience with so many other parents, but I thank you for being kind enough to share a little about your children with me.

I felt so, so crappy last night, I felt so alone (I know it was my own doing, I could have just told someone) but you have all made me realise that there is always someone to share the burden, as I feel like that's what you have done for me.

I had a little chuckle this morning when I thought of him, he would probably be stomping about the house in a teenaged rage just now because I bought him the wrong gadget or because I embarrassed him in front of his girlfriend or something. He used to roll his eyes at me when he was a few months old so I imagine I would have only been more embarrassing as time went on. Sometimes I can smile when I think how he would have been, and sometimes I cry because, really, I will never know and he will forever be a baby to me.

To live in the hearts of the ones we love is not to die - I love this quote, I've never heard it before but it's so true.

Thank you all for your kindness thanks xxxxx

mumof2teenboys Wed 14-Aug-13 08:54:52

OP, your post has made me cry, I am so sorry that no-one (apart from your brother) remembered Scotts' birthday.

Our children being forgotten is my biggest fear, I can't imagine how anyone could forget, but they do.

Much love to you xx

cafecito Wed 14-Aug-13 01:05:21

Happy Birthday Scott xx

ohfuschia Wed 14-Aug-13 01:00:50

Happy Birthday to Scott - he sounds like a sweetheart with a lovely, lovely Mum xx

Thumbwitch Wed 14-Aug-13 00:53:18

(((hugs))) for you. How sad that no one else has remembered with you. xx

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Wed 14-Aug-13 00:45:10

Sosad I'm so sorry for your loss. Happy Birthday to Scott and hugs to you, his brave, loving Mum x

PeriodMath Wed 14-Aug-13 00:28:09

OP, your post really moved me. I am so sorry for your heartbreak today and, I imagine, on many days. I am remembering Scott with you and I wish you strength for tomorrow and all the days when you feel his loss so terribly.

People are funny. My schoolfriend's brother died when we were teens. I remember it acutely. I know the date too and it always pops into my head that day and I say a little prayer for him but do you know what? I would never contact her or mention it. I suppose I don't want to upset her. That sounds really stupid though, I know.

ModelVillage Wed 14-Aug-13 00:15:21

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you love.

SuperiorCat Wed 14-Aug-13 00:10:53

SoSad, I am glad that Scott's Uncle remembered and made the effort to call and let you know, I hope it has brought you some comfort.

MadonnaKebab Tue 13-Aug-13 23:37:37

Happy 15th Birthday Scott
Tears flowing here Sosad and the other bereaved mums
Much love

EATmum Tue 13-Aug-13 23:37:27

What a difficult day for you OP. I am certain that the family and friends who love you have not forgotten him - they may not remember on the right day, because its not engraved on their heart like it is for you, but I'm sure they think of him and you. They may not know how to say it to you either, maybe from an ill- judged reluctance to upset you. So pleased that your brother got it right.

Mumzy Tue 13-Aug-13 23:35:36

Thinking of you Sosad and Scott on his special day

therumoursaretrue Tue 13-Aug-13 23:30:44

I'm so sorry for your loss OP and that nobody had mentioned your boy's birthday. I'm glad your brother called, I hope it eased things a little for you.

Scott sounds gorgeous, the way you talk about him is beautiful and he is obviously so loved. Thank you for sharing some of your memories of him with us.

I will remember your lovely boy xxxxx

recall Tue 13-Aug-13 23:25:56

He is lucky having a lovely Mum like you OP x

Wuldric Tue 13-Aug-13 23:21:34

Bless you and him xx

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