My son is 15 today and noone has remembered

(157 Posts)
sosadaboutmyboy Tue 13-Aug-13 18:26:52

Today my little boy is 15.

Its been 15 years since I held him in my arms and promised to love and protect him forever .

Its been 15 years since I saw his beautiful face frowning at me like he was annoyed with me for giving birth to him because he was nice and cosy.

Its been 15 years since I attempted to dress him for the first time and failed miserably because I knew nothing at all about babies, everything fell off him.

Its been 15 years since I knew what unconditional love is, and knew that I could suffer anything for this little person I had made.

It has been 14 years and 7 months since he died and I knew, in that moment my life would never be the same, the sun would shine that bit less brightly and when I am happy there would always be a tinge of sadness too.

He was my life then, he is still part of my every day life now, I have photos all over my house, I took his clothes out of his box earlier and held them to my face, but I can't smell him on them any more, I held his teddy bear close to me and closed my eyes and tried to feel if he was around me, but I couldn't feel him either, I feel like I am in physical pain today which is made all the worse by not one single person remembering, not even my husband (he isn't his dad). Everyone just got up as usual and has been doing their usual things, people have called and asked for favours and had general chit chat, I just want to scream at them all and go and curl up into a little ball until this pain passes.

I don't really know why I am posting, I just want someone to know he is real and he is loved and is never forgotton. I don't get how someone so important to me, and whos death has shaped my whole adult life can just be nothing to those around me. Its like just because he was born and died so long ago that he doesn't matter to anyone else now.

Please feel free to ignore this, I just needed to vent somewhere.

(I namechanged for this just in case someone does recognise me, I have been on MN for a long time)

OP’s posts: |
ButchCassidy Tue 13-Aug-13 18:29:00

I hope your ok.
He sounds a much loved little boy. thanksthanks

Purplehonesty Tue 13-Aug-13 18:29:23

Oh sosad I'm sorry. I can't imagine what you have been through.
Would you like to talk about him? What is his name?

AnyaKnowIt Tue 13-Aug-13 18:29:40

Oh op sad

Lagoonablue Tue 13-Aug-13 18:32:03

Happy birthday to your little boy.

Look after yourself too.

ClaraOswald Tue 13-Aug-13 18:32:07

No words. Just be kind to yourself.

LEMisdisappointed Tue 13-Aug-13 18:32:07

You are his mum and that will never ever change, maybe people felt this is your own personal day with him? So very sorry for your loss xxx

IslaValargeone Tue 13-Aug-13 18:32:22

Oh gosh, I'm sorry.
Do you think that people don't want to bring it up for fear of upsetting you?

HappyJustToBe Tue 13-Aug-13 18:34:08

Happy Birthday to your beautiful son, OP flowers

AhoyMcCoy Tue 13-Aug-13 18:35:08

Happy birthday to your lovely son sosad

He sounds very very loved flowers

cupofteaplease Tue 13-Aug-13 18:36:30

I won't ignore you OP. I want to remember your ds with you on his 15th birthday. It would be a painful day anyway, and I'm so sorry it's been made unbearable by other people forgetting. That is unforgivable.

My own dd died nearly 10 months ago, and already people don't mention her anymore. It is absolutely devastating, as you say, to have your precious little person wiped from history. Everything you said about smelling his clothes rings true.

I wish I could give you a hug and I'm so sorry you are going through this. Lots of love xxx

ajandjjmum Tue 13-Aug-13 18:37:49

Shed a tear for your little boy.

patienceisvirtuous Tue 13-Aug-13 18:39:40

Happy Birthday to your lovely son.

Thinking of you OP x

mollycuddles Tue 13-Aug-13 18:40:42

Just hugged my 3 year old a bit tighter
Will hug my own son born 15 years ago later.
Much love

TSSDNCOP Tue 13-Aug-13 18:41:21

What did you call your little boy OP? If it will out you please don't say. But I would like to say a little prayer in his memory.

He knows you hold him in your heart like you held him in your arms.

I hope you find peace today xx

Secretswitch Tue 13-Aug-13 18:42:00

A mum is a mum forever..thank you for telling us about and hugs..xx

MadameJosephine Tue 13-Aug-13 18:42:48

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling but I know if I lost one of my children I would feel that loss forever. I'm so sorry you feel you are going through this alone.

Take care of yourself OP flowers

TSSDNCOP Tue 13-Aug-13 18:44:27

Cup I know it's just words on the Internet, but please know that whenever I see your "name" I think of your little B xx

Vinividivino Tue 13-Aug-13 18:45:47

I am so sorry for your loss. As others have said, he clearly was very much loved and of course you want to mark this day.

Tell someone in RL what day today is and how much it means to you and maybe suggest something practical you can do together next year to mark the day. People may not have forgotten but as others on here have said, just don't know how to approach you about it. Maybe if you can say, "next year I'd really like to visit his resting place/raise a glass to him/make a cake....whatever feels right for you really, you may find people jump at the chance to help you remember him on this special day. to us, we'd love to hear about him.

Take care OP. A big e-hug.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards Tue 13-Aug-13 18:46:03

Much love xxx

Roshbegosh Tue 13-Aug-13 18:47:23

So sorry, unbearable, there are no words x flowers

Borntobeamum Tue 13-Aug-13 18:50:01

I'm so very sorry that nobody remembered.
That's awful, but you still have your memories of your darling baby.
No one can take away the fact that he was your son, and you will always be his Mummy x x x

LadyFlumpalot Tue 13-Aug-13 18:51:12

Happy Birthday to your beautiful baby boy.

I can't think of anything to say that doesn't sound stupid or trite so I will just say that him, and you are in my thoughts.


Kn1ttedWaffle Tue 13-Aug-13 18:52:27

I'm not very good with words but thankyou for sharing some of your memories of your lovely son with us.
I'm so sorry for your loss and that you feel alone today. He is obviously very loved.
Be kind to yourself xxx

stillenacht Tue 13-Aug-13 18:53:15

Happy birthday to your precious son. My heartfelt thoughts are with you both xxxxx

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