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Getting so stressed and upset at the same time

(4 Posts)
Dontwanttogotospain Mon 12-Aug-13 18:38:49

Basically my mum died in February . Unfortunately she lived in Spain with my step dad.
we went out for the funeral and to me it was horrific . She died suddenly of a heart attack .
We had always gone to her for summer holidays . This time I am so dredding it. All that way to go to her home as my step dad still lives there and she won't be there.
I know I sort of have to go as my step dad desperately wants to see us but I don't want to face up to her not being here any more .
when I get there it will be so real if you get what I mean .
does anyone have any good advice to help me through this .

YoniMatopoeia Mon 12-Aug-13 22:11:26


So sorry for your loss. My mum also died in February. We knew she was I'll, but it was still very sudden and unexpected - she was supposed to have another 3 years or so.

I am not sure what I can suggest, as my circumstances are so different. My parental home is 3 hours away, but at least it is the same country and we visited monthly.

I have been back frequently since, sorting stuff out. 'Her' chair being empty was/is weird. Sorting out all of her stuff has been hard.

I guess that the thing that has helped me is to take this as an opportunity to remember the good things, to take the good memories associated with the places and the objects.

Sorry I can't offer anything more useful.

Dontwanttogotospain Tue 13-Aug-13 08:56:45

Thank you for replying . I am sorry your mum passed . Its really horrible and something you never face up to . Im sure it will get easier . Just when this happens I havnt got a clue .
Im just so scared that the grief is going to hit me .
When it all happened I was really really strong . I surprised my self . I suppose I knew I was only out there for 10 days . I skyed with my SD everynight for weeks . He needede it but to me it was torture . Not that he ever knew this but it was like reliving it everyday .
Things are better now its only twice a week .
I am just really really scared .

karinmaria Tue 13-Aug-13 09:19:49


I'm so sorry to hear about your mum.

My mum passed away at the end of January after having leukaemia for two years. She was told two weeks before she died there was no more treatment available and she would have a good few months yet, so it was a big shock.

I've not been to my parents' house (my childhood home) as much as I'd like since, mainly because I had my first baby in April. But, last week I came back from spending two weeks there. It was hard and often upsetting. BUT it was also good to share memories with my dad and look through old photos etc. We also went through her cookbooks and found scribbled recipes which he's trying out.

This week I'm going back for a couple of days to help him tackle her wardrobe. Dad's still worried its too soon but he feels like she's coming back every time he sees her clothes hanging there.

Your step-dad will be so looking forward to your visit. Their home will be difficult to visit and full of memories. If you think of your mum would she have been happy you were visiting? Most likely! Take the chance to remember her and talk about her. Tears and laughter can come together.

I really hope it goes well and you enjoy the week more than you expect.

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