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The anger...does it ever go?

(10 Posts)
Badvoc Sat 10-Aug-13 13:44:36

My beloved dad died 2 weeks ago today.
Suddenly and unexpectedly.
He was just 67.
I understand that all the books talk about stages of grief and that one of them is anger, but how long is it supposed to last?
I am so angry.
At everyone and everything.
People who are still alive, people who are happy, people who are enjoying themselves.
I am a terrible person...I have been thinking the most awful things...looking at perfect strangers and thinking "why are you here when my dad isn't!"
It's draining me.
Please tell me it stops eventually...

MrsBertMacklin Sat 10-Aug-13 15:22:41

It will stop eventually and I don't think 2 weeks is that long, especially if it was a sudden death. My anger was directed at other things and people, but I recognise what you've written above.

I got 'stuck' on other aspects of my grief and found CBT counselling through the NHS tremendously helpful. Maybe get on the waiting list now and if you are still concerned that you're not processing things, go and talk to the counsellor?

I'm really sorry about your father and you're right; 67 is no age to lose a parent.

ssd Sat 10-Aug-13 22:38:13

hi badvoc, I get your post. I'm so angry at many things around my mums death and I'm trying to get counselling through cruse to deal with this.

I'm so angry at people my age who have parents, people who have siblings who support them, basically anyone with a close extended family. I'm just so jealous its eating away at me.

I'm sorry sad

gandalfcat Sat 10-Aug-13 22:50:04

It is nearly 20 years since I lost my father: was very sudden and after the absolute numbness and disbelief wore off the anger came, but in my case it was directed at my Father. Totally illogical, but was furious that he hadn't taken better care of himself, that he left no will, a horrible financial mess etc.etc.

Wasn't aware of it lessening, but it must have been, as life continued, and I became aware when my DS was born 7 years later, that I then held a more gentle sadness that my DF never got to be a grandparent, but the anger had gone, and I could live with the regret/sadness more easily.

Very sorry to hear of your loss - as other posters have said, 2 weeks is very little time - you must be kind to yourself and just trust you will get through this.

tallulah Sun 11-Aug-13 18:45:10

I was very angry when my dad died suddenly. 2 weeks is nothing - could be months or years.

I read a really good book by Virginia Ironside called "You'll get over it: the rage of bereavement" which helped me.

Be kind to yourself. It is very early days and anything you feel is normal for you.

Badvoc Sun 11-Aug-13 20:00:25

Thank you for your replies.
I have ordered that book.
Rage is about right for what I am feeling ATM.
Mum too. She wants to make an appt to see the gp so she can "get some answers"...I don't know what she thinks he will say tbh.

SconeInSixtySeconds Sun 11-Aug-13 20:03:58

I don't have any useful advice badvoc, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your dad. flowers

gandalfcat Sun 11-Aug-13 20:31:44

Badvoc - you might find that your Mum and you need to take different paths to your solutions. That is fine, so long as you both support each other doing whatever you need to. Take care.

ChoudeBruxelles Sun 11-Aug-13 20:37:05

You're not a terrible person. You're grieving and cross because its not fair that your dad has died.

Both my parents have passed away. My my last September. I'm still angry. It's not fair that other people still have their parents and their children have loving grandparents but it is much easier now than just after my mum died.

My dad died 3 years ago and I can smile now when I think about him rather than being cross.

It's still so very recent for you. Allow yourself time. Sorry for your loss.

Kidsarekarma Sun 11-Aug-13 20:45:52

It comes and goes with me. My dad died three years ago and I didn't feel anger much until a friend was grumbling recently about having to visit her elderly father. I was so angry that she still has her dad, that she doesn't make the most of every minute with him and most of all that she has hers and mine is gone.

It's shit, isn't it. So sorry for your loss.

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