father in law died husband not coping

[tiredmummy33]

my father in law died a few weeks ago. him and my husband were so close. ive got a friend visiting today (which i had checked with husband was ok) and hes now stormed out saying he doesnt want anyone staying in his house. i think hes on the verge of a breakdown. i dont know what to do or say to kids all i want to do is be there for him but feel like i have totally messed up. there is a lastminute family gathering today so i told him to go cos he wants to but he says he wont cos ive organised his weekend for him and he has no say. i bend over backwards to accomodate him at weekends. really finding it hard we are all grieving but it must be so hard for him.

[tiredmummy33]

oh gosb just read this back i feel so heartless. i shouldnt have invited my friend to stay. cos OH wont talk about it i just keep presuming hes ok

[OrangeLily]

Sounds like he's finding something to vent at. He needs to be angry and is just working through this. Possibly cancel with your friend if you can as it may not be fair on friend to be stuck in the middle.

[Apileofballyhoo]

Anger is one of the bereavement stages, tiredmummy. If your husband is normally ok I'd say to cut him some slack - but at same time he can't be taking things out on you or the DCs on a constant basis. Sorry I'm not that helpful. It's tough for you all.

[justaweeone]

Perhaps he needs to talk to someone or than family or friend
The charity Cruse offer fantastic bereavement counselling .

[tiredmummy33]

he said hes not coming back till shes gone. which is meant to be tomorrow. she is going through a really tough time so i just feel split a million ways at the moment.

[tiredmummy33]

i would love him to talk to cruse but he never would. his mum adamant that it is only hard for her tooband not being there for her kids at all.

[Rainbowshine]

So sorry Tired I also am trying to support DH through losing his dad.

Is there a compromise if you meet friend somewhere else so you support them and that will give your DH the space he needs?

I have found making non judge observations helps DH realise his own behaviour is different as he is not very aware of how he is reacting sometimes. It has helped that mutual friends have been able to say to him when he is being an arse and he stops being less insular and withdrawn for a bit - is there someone who could invite him out to pub/lunch to give him an escape or chance to talk to someone?

I have sympathy, sometimes you feel like you can't do or say anything right but have to tolerate their ups and downs.