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Walking together on a journey - sharing experiences, tears, anger and sometimes even laughter. United we stand, divided we fall.

(973 Posts)
shabbatheGreek Tue 23-Jul-13 10:10:45

This special thread was started in 2008. Its a special place - one which nobody would ever willingly come to. I hope we pay tribute to our lost children by helping each other. xxxx

chipmonkey Wed 24-Jul-13 12:12:30

Thanks for starting the new thread, shabs
Sylvie-Rose, my beautiful daughter, given to us 16/8/11, taken from us 4/10/11
Always, always, always in my thoughts.

MiaAlexandrasmummy Wed 24-Jul-13 12:49:27

This thread honours our children, and all those who love them.

Mia. My red-headed, noisy, amazing girl. 21 months ago. I miss you so much, my darling. xx

mumof2teenboys Wed 24-Jul-13 12:52:40

This thread has been a lifesaver over the last year.

James, my funny, talented, amazing son. Died 3/7/2013 at 22 years old. I love you so very much and miss you even more xx

whiteandyellowiris Wed 24-Jul-13 16:19:23

remembering my lovely ds

atm feels like im the only one that doessad

miss you every single day, every single day wish you were here
somehow I go on, but I don'tknow how
I worry about the future but I try not to

im just a messed up muddle without you xx

snorris Wed 24-Jul-13 16:27:08

Sadly all too new to this sad

For Seren, another red-head, another star in the sky. 16/03/06-01/06/13.

Helyantha Wed 24-Jul-13 17:39:43

Remembering our glorious DS3. My lovely sunflower boy.

lavandes Thu 25-Jul-13 07:31:59

Morning ladies x

Thanks for the new thread and all your support Shabs x

Remembering our beloved Richard loved and missed more than words can say xx

MiaAlexandrasmummy Fri 26-Jul-13 08:57:22

Dear friends, I have a question for you. On Monday, I have a job interview. It came up unexpectedly, as I hadn't really been thinking about work just yet, but it is a good role, and I had decided that my own consultancy isn't what I want to do for the next little while. But the thing is, I haven't actually properly worked since before Mia was born - I have done bits and pieces in my consultancy, but I enjoyed the pregnancy, and then my time with her, and then last year, while I was seriously grieving and trying to figure out my 'new' life, I became pregnant again and did my Olympic Gamesmaker role, and then we had Mia's inquest. My question is - how much do you think I should explain / reveal if asked about the last few years? I can talk about Mia without breaking down, but I don't want to look flaky or have a 'sympathy vote' either.

whiteandyellowiris Fri 26-Jul-13 09:35:20

Oh that's a tough question, I think I.could only.see what came out mouth at the time
I think I.would say though because I wouldn't want to feel like ds is a.secret or worry about how.I'm going to bring the subject up.
So I would be happier getting it out there sooner rather than later if that makes sense
Best of luck with it

chipmonkey Fri 26-Jul-13 10:04:21

Mias, I think I would tell them about Mia. I think it's better to get your whole story out there in the interview, it means that later you're not worrying about bringing it up.

whiteandyellowiris Fri 26-Jul-13 14:02:36

hey chipsmile
how are you doing?

yes that's kinda what I was trying to say, I would try to do too

I feel better once it's out there, so to speak

I went for the glucose tolerance test today, and got chatting to a nice lady
of course one of the first questions is, is this your first.....
I handled it quite well today
I think I maybe starting ot find that question slightly easier, or im just having a mentally better day!

chipmonkey Fri 26-Jul-13 16:31:14

well done white! I think time does make it easier. I think if you say a thing enough times, eventually the worst bit of the horror goes out of it and it's less difficult. Never easy but less difficult.

MiaAlexandrasmummy Fri 26-Jul-13 17:25:11

white and chip thank you, your own thoughts echo mine. Mia, and her death, has been a huge part of the last few years, and I can't see how I can not say something.

white well done you for your response to that lady. Finding the right words is hard, but having them is a good shield, I find.

whiteandyellowiris Fri 26-Jul-13 23:56:27

oh thanks.
I think the advice to sort a script to say helps

helps it roll of the tongue

well, this is my third, I have one dd who is six, and sadly our son ds name, died shorthly after he was born due to massive heart problems

that's what ive been saying and it helps it have it ready up my sleeve
perhaps i'm just getting more used to saying it too

mias, i'm glad mine and chips thoughts echo your own
if you are asked about your life, and what you have been upto over the last few years
your just simply telling them what you've been upto
and It will hopefully make things easier and you wont be worry about how when etc to tell them about mia

expatinscotland Fri 26-Jul-13 23:58:32

Aillidh, my beautiful daughter. 19/6/3 - 7/7/12. Taken by acute myeloid leukaemia. I miss you so much.

chipmonkey Sat 27-Jul-13 00:03:30

<<<<<<<HUGS>>>>>>>>> white. It is awful, isn't it when you have to learn the lines of your life? To rehearse saying something so shocking so that you will deliver the lines without breaking down.

"I had five but my youngest died" I have stopped saying "I have four boys and I had a little girl but she died" because some idiots say heartily "Four boys! That keeps you busy!" and ignore my girl. Dh says it's because they don't know what to say but I really think anyone should be able to do better than that. Even "I'm sorry" would be better.

Mias, how is Mia's Wood now? Is the gate fixed yet? I keep thinking of it and how violated you must have felt.

My5boysandme Sat 27-Jul-13 18:47:43

Remembering Dexter my darling boy 21/06/12-24/09/12 missing you everyday xx

I wish more people could read this article, how to talk to a parent who has lost their child, every point I found myself agreeing with.

article here

chipmonkey Sun 28-Jul-13 22:46:14

I read that too, myfive. I do wish everyone would.

expatinscotland Sun 28-Jul-13 23:19:56

I say, 'I had three but now I have two.' That usually works.

whiteandyellowiris Mon 29-Jul-13 07:29:43

Myfive just read that article.

Found myself agreeing with every single point

Esp dreading meeting new people, grieving for your old self as well as your child, peoples patience and concern running out, peoples idiotic unwanted advise, the fact the sadness never reduces you just get more used to it, the fact noone ever asks how dd is coping, being told to be grateful for what you Do have and feeling angry about things people have done or not done.

The other day, a friend asked me how I was coping with the pg, I said I'm finding it tough, but I'm taking it a day at a time, but its hard after losing ds

She replied yeah well I suppose it gets easier with time doesn't it

It was like we where having two totally diff conversations.

I do wish more people could read that

whiteandyellowiris Mon 29-Jul-13 07:54:10

Just thinking maybe one of us could post that article in chat, so more people see it,likethe author says, if it helps on parent be treated better, due to someone reading this article it will be well worth it ?

What do you think ?

chipmonkey Mon 29-Jul-13 13:40:10

I will post it if you like, white?

My5boysandme Mon 29-Jul-13 14:41:00

I've just done it white and chip xx

chipmonkey Mon 29-Jul-13 16:29:40

This is a quote taken from one of the comments below.

"Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. She smiles, but her heart sobs. She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS but she IS NOT, all at once. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.” ~Author Unknown

Very apt

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