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DS' friend died, how do I support him.

(4 Posts)
hobnobsaremyfave Mon 22-Jul-13 18:43:36

DS' friend passed away yesterday, he had been poorly for a long time so DS knew that this was inevitable. DS is 15 (as was his friend). DS is away camping this week and has been told by the camp leaders what has happened, I spoke to him briefly yesterday and he is adamant that he is ok. However I know he bottles things up and I just want to make sure he is ok dealing with this.
Feel so sad and pathetic worrying about DS given what his friend's family are going through. I wish I could take their pain away.

QueenofLouisiana Mon 22-Jul-13 19:30:46

Winston's Wish could be a good place to start. They gave me support when I taught a child who's brother died very suddenly.
It is a long process for the friends, I now teach the best friend of the child who died and he still finds it difficult sometimes. Be available to him, help him make decisions about going to the funeral or not, practise saying the child's name so that your voice doesn't "catch" when you talk about him.
Good luck.

youarewinning Mon 22-Jul-13 19:36:16

I had a few friends die when I was this age and a little older.

Personally I found a chance to meet with friends and discuss the person freely and remember them helped.

With a friend who died very suddenly (adult sids) we had a night and 'played a little game'. We each wrote on a piece of paper something we wished to tell him, a happy memory and a remember the time that.....

It opened up lots of chat about the lad, and we realised how happy he'd been, all he'd achieved and helped us realise that although he went too soon he'd still had a fulfilled life.

Could you ask him if he wants his friends over as a group when he gets back? I am also someone who bottles things up but this situation allowed for me to add what I wanted and join in the chat when I was ready.

hobnobsaremyfave Tue 30-Jul-13 17:05:22

thank you for your answers. it is the funeral at the end of the week , we have talked a bit , he seems ok at the moment and has seen and spoken to friends.

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