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Still early days.....but I need to get it out in writing

(13 Posts)
ambulala Mon 27-May-13 00:05:15

My Mum died on the 15th April....she was my best friend, the person I turned to when anything went wrong.
My Mum had been in and out of hospital for two months, nothing major, nothing 'life threatening' (as the doctors put it)
The second time she went in she was full of fluid so they put her on water tablets and told her the tablets might damage her kidneys, my Mum had had kidney problems for about 10 years. (again nothing major, but a low kidney function, so they kept an eye on it. a blood test once a year)
She was home for a week and she couldn't pass urine. She was taken back in to hospital. She spent 2 and a half weeks there and in that time they (the doctors) decided she needed dialysis.
My Mum had a few days of heamodialysis and then opted to have home dialysis. She had the catheter inserted (however she had a massive panic attack in between them doing it so they had to stop and move her) and then came home. She had a few days of going back in to hospital but with help from my DS. She just couldn't go by herself, she was too weak.
My Mum started home dialysis on the 5th April. The dialysis lady called me on the Friday and said 'your Mum isn't coping too well, could you just give her a hand over the weekend'
I was more than willing to get my Mum better so I said yeah no problem. But, my Mum was having other problems going on. She had the most horrendous diarrhea (sp) On the Sunday, my poor Mum had an accident on the kitchen floor and I told her this isn't right Mum, we need to get the GP out.
The GP came out on the Monday, examined her and said that as she had no temperature there was no big problem, just 'something she needs to work through herself'
We carried on, with me helping her with the home dialysis. I went to hers on the Thursday night to do her night bag. As we (me and my husband) were leaving I asked her if she was ok and she said 'i'm fine love, go on you go home, i'll see you in the morning' (I live five doors down) I told her I loved her and she said I love you too.
The next morning I went up to help her with her morning bag and she wasn't in the living room as usual, or the kitchen....
I found her laying on her bedroom floor. She was still breathing but not responding. I called for an ambulance and they told me she had been there all night! 12 hours all by herself! She had hypothermia.

My wonderful, fantastic Mum spent a few hours in resus and then 3 days in intensive care. She died on the Monday sad

The coroners got involved and told us the home dialysis was a contributing factor......

I can't accept that she has gone. I miss her so much sad
I love her so much and have to walk past her flat every day..It's killing me inside.
How can life go on without my best friend, the reason I still live where I do, my world sad

I know people in RL on here and I'm sorry if you realise who I am and read the full story.

Gosh that was long! Sorry xx

lucamom Mon 27-May-13 00:09:55

I'm so truly sorry-you and your mom were both so lucky to have such a wonderful friendship. I'm sorry I don't know any useful words to say x

ambulala Mon 27-May-13 00:25:46

Thank you lucamom for your reply

I just miss her so much sad

I have friends in RL who have lost their Mums, they're all older than me and one of them said 'when my Mum died a part of me died too'

How true! x

StripedSofa Mon 27-May-13 00:27:26

Sending you hugs, I am so very sorry

StripedSofa Mon 27-May-13 00:28:09

Sending you hugs, I am so very sorry

Sunnywithshowers Mon 27-May-13 00:28:24

I'm so sorry xxx

thornrose Mon 27-May-13 00:35:03

I'm so sorry for you. I hope that one day you can get some comfort from the fact that you had a "wonderful, fantastic mum" who was your best friend.

ambulala Mon 27-May-13 00:35:48

Sorry, forgot to add...the diarrhea was a sign of what was going wrong. My Mum had peritonitis and severe blood poisoning sad

Thank you all for you rreplies xx

lucamom Mon 27-May-13 15:51:29

How are you today (I really don't mean it to sound as trite as it does!). Hope you've got some RL support and lots of hugs x

seriouslysleepdeprived Mon 27-May-13 21:57:41

In so very sorry about your mum hmm

It must be very difficult for you, as it sounds like they should have taken her into hospital sooner. I hope you are coping ok thanks

ZdravoPet Thu 30-May-13 21:06:40

Hope you're ok OP, keeping you in my thoughts

ambulala Fri 31-May-13 15:33:31

Sorry, I have been keeping myself busy with work this week. I work with some lovely people which helps. But I have found some people think I should be back to my normal self by now and can be quite insensitive (or maybe I'm just reading in to too much?!)
On the outside I am coping well. I'm doing all the normal day to day stuff, but on the inside I am crumbling. I feel so detached from everyone and completely exhausted!
I'm also very snappy and poor DH is getting the brunt of it.
On the day I found my Mum we had planned a day out with DH's children. I had bought the tickets the night before. DH managed to get them put on hold for 3 months and we are going to use them tomorrow instead. I know a day out will do us all good, but I don't want to spend the day remembering why we didn't go before sad
seriously I have a letter typed up on my computer asking questions that, we, as a family would like answering. We also feel that something should have been done and my Mum should still be here.

Thank you all again for your lovely replies and for keeping us in your thoughts, in means a lot xx

Thumbwitch Fri 31-May-13 16:06:43

So very sorry to hear of your loss, ambulala. sad
It sounds like she was let down by the medical profession at all levels, to be honest - you have the letter already set up, are you going to send it to PALS?

It is such a loss, especially so quickly and unexpectedly - my Mum died when I was pg with DS1, she was in hospital for 4weeks, but we only knew that she had terminal cancer for the last 8 days and then she died. HArd to comprehend.

Wishing you much strength for the coming days. xx

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