Dad died 2 months ago- very sudden unexpected... Close family... Great support network.. But why do I want everyone to fuck off and leave me alone? Why do I fantasise about running away? I was in a hospital this week for my job and I had a fleeting moment of wanting to get into a bed and stay there... I won't talk to my bf ... I won't let me family see me upset... I cry alone every day... This week has been utterly horrible and I feel slightly demented with grief... Is this normal? Does it really pervade your whole being like this?
Yes, because some part of you believes that nobody else begins to understand what you're going through, that you're dealing with this all alone and that it's you against the rest of the world. That's how I felt. And it was nonsense - just because the people around you don't really understand how you feel, it doesn't mean they can't be there for you. Took me a while to see that.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's bloody hard. You should maybe think about contacting Cruse for some bereavement counselling when you're ready.
For me it was because my dad seemed the only important person after he died.. No one else understood and no one else compared. I just sat alone, reading poems about death for a while . Give yourself time and space but allow others in to ease your pain and help you look after yourself.