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mums jewelry

(9 Posts)
StinkyElfCheese Wed 15-May-13 10:35:12

Mum died last may. Her box of lovely rings and bits went missing around Xmas time ( when dad moved in his new partner) dad just thought he had misplaced them and has been searching the house ever since...

My sister has told me she has mums rings all safe in her jewelry box in her bedroom in case dad tried to sell them or give them to his new partner.

Dad is still looking for the rings, but won't ask sister if she has them ( he has told me he thinks she has them but not sure)

I am again stuck in the middle - when mum died dad said we could choose a ring of mums to keep ( she had quite a few lovely engagement rings got about a bit my mum and I am sad that I will never get to wear them.

Sis systematically went through dad's house when partner moved in and took anything of mums with her all photos her favorite mug scarves etc. It's the photos that hurt the most shehas had them all mounted in a book and said I can go to her house and look at them whenever I want....

Do I tell dad she has them can she be made to give them back? Or would dad have to contact police?

PrincessScrumpy Wed 15-May-13 10:41:47

That is awful - most of my mum's rings were given to her by my dad so I can't imagine taking them without asking. They simply don't belong to her. My mum's will states that all her jewelery comes to me (as only dd) and any I don't want my sil can have. Did she have a will?

I would let your dad know - maybe say she has them as she knows they are precious and was worried they may go missing in the house move. Or, tell her to tell him.

tbh, it's up to him if he wants to give his new partner the rings but I would have an open chat with him as he'll probably understand your sisters attachment and upset. She sounds wrapped up in her own emotions and needs to realise she's not alone.

StinkyElfCheese Wed 15-May-13 10:56:32

EShe has told me she has no intention of giving them back and they will be staying with her.

Mum gave me her engagement ring from my dad when I was 16. I lost one of the sapphires from it she got it mended and told me jokingly that I would only be allowed it again when she was dead smile because by then I would have a happy reminder every day to be carefull with my things and that she would be watching smile

It feels horrible that I will never have this but if I tell dad she has them she will not speak to me again

Wishiwasanheiress Wed 15-May-13 11:06:58

If your sister or her sister has valuables and mementos for apparent safe keeping, why don't you ask her to see them? Did I miss something here? Really don't see why dad has to know immediately at this point. Is there some sort of feud between you/her or he/her?

If you are both worried about ow selling them then maybe for a little bit keep quiet, let things calm down and then together inform dad? Would he really give ow them? One thing if she searched and found them, but do u think he would actually give them as a gift?

I'd find that weird /icky but she might not have that sentiment I do agree.

StinkyElfCheese Wed 15-May-13 14:34:50

My sis ( there is me my sister and our brother who has severe ld and in residential care)

Sister thinks that dad will give 'mums' rings to new partner no idea if he would possibly... I asked dad for mums jewelry box.... his partner is now using it... If she asked he would. So sister removed thm rings from dads house back to her house where she insists they stay

StinkyElfCheese Wed 15-May-13 14:36:22

I am also concerned that if dad thinks they are lost or been stollen that he might try to claim on insurance for them??? Or get police involved

AMumInScotland Wed 15-May-13 15:05:06

What would you like to happen to these things? Do you want them to go back to your dad because they are his? (I assume she left no will so her belongings went to her husband) Or would you like the things that have sentimental value to be divided between you and your sister now?

I'm guessing your sister is massively hurt at your dad moving another woman in so soon after the loss of your mum, and is being unfair to him and the new partner because of that.

But that doesn't give her any right to just grab everything and keep them at her house.

Can you talk to your dad about this sort of stuff or do you worry about how he'll react? I'd be tempted to tell him that the things are at sisters house because she's feeling very emotional about it all, and discuss with him whats the best way forward. He might be fine with you having the things between you.

If so, you then need to tell your sister she is being selfish and needs to agree to divide things out.

StinkyElfCheese Wed 15-May-13 17:21:16

I want her to give them back - I know she won't I have asked her too. I would love some of mums ' bits and piece's as well but have no chance my sister just says I can go to her house and look at the things if I want to... We're 34for fuck sake (twins)

I really want them to both stop phoning me to bitch moan about the other - I can't just cut them out of my life due to my brother
And his problems... I am just fed up with both off them sad

Thankfully my dh is lovely and lets me rant off at him about it all

ssd Wed 15-May-13 20:40:47

it sounds to me the problem is is that your sis has taken things and is saying to you that you can see them at her house...like theyre hers now, all if it

I think you need to make it straight to her it doesnt all automatically belong to her, if anything you should split it with her

TBH I wouldnt be keen on giving it back to your dad as it may end up being given to his new woman, and that might be where it stays, whether they last or not

I think your mum would want you and your sis to share it, not one to have it all and the other to visit to see it

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