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No idea how to support DP re nan's likely to die very soon

(8 Posts)
millenium2000 Mon 13-May-13 10:59:42

I don't live with DP, we live 1.5 hours apart. He lives with his parents (as do I). His nan, who has been battling dementia for the past 5 years, is seriously ill in hospital with a chest infection. She has been moved to a private room, and it's not looking good. She has not been aware of the world for some time, does not speak, but DP has been to visit her almost every week since she went into a nursing home 3 years ago.

How can I support DP when I'm so far away from him? I am unemployed so can go to him whenever, for as long as he needs me. I get on well with his parents and brothes and stay 1-2 nights every weekend, but I doubt they'll want me there during grieving. What can I do to support him? I want so desperately to get the next train to him.

IceNoSlice Mon 13-May-13 22:31:34

Hi, I lost my grandmother a month ago. She was in a very similar position to your DP's. it was hard but in some ways a relief that she was freed from pain.

I think the best thing you can do here is be available to him. Let him know you will drop everything to visit- he only needs to say the word. Be there for phone calls. But don't arrive unexpectedly. It's not just DP to consider, it's his parents too (as you are aware). Let DP guide you in this but keep your antenna tuned to whether DP's parents need more space.

HTH. You sound caring and thoughtful.

IceNoSlice Tue 14-May-13 08:06:29


dingit Tue 14-May-13 08:10:28

What others said, be there. My DH has lost his Parents and sister in last 15 years. I recently overheard him calling me his rock. I don't know what I did, apart from being there.

millenium2000 Thu 16-May-13 17:22:14

They have all been summoned to her bedside, they are all on their way over. I'm 1.5 hours away and can't do anything other than sit by the phone and wait. I can get a train to him, but I know they don't need me there (his family, not him). I can't do anything. I feel so useless. Sat here in tears. Just praying they get there before it's too late.

IceNoSlice Thu 16-May-13 20:32:18

Sympathies millenium. Stay strong for DP if you can. A very sad time.

millenium2000 Sun 19-May-13 16:22:05

She passed away this morning surrounded by family. My partner didn't want to be there at the end, but I was able to be with him.

IceNoSlice Sun 19-May-13 17:10:54

Oh millenium, I'm sorry. I hope your partner is ok. May his grandmother rest in peace.

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