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Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

(973 Posts)
mummylin2495 Thu 02-May-13 10:46:10

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

mummylin2495 Wed 08-May-13 13:04:17

My sister is coming here in about 20 mins !!!!! She is he just here for the day , now I can see the twins again x

mummylin2495 Wed 08-May-13 19:47:26

Had a nice couple of hours with her, but she didn't have the babies with her, so I missed out there. Her mil is babysitting so sis could come down here to put her original flat on the market.hopefully things will move fast so they can move back down here. She is going back tonight, hope ou all had a good day

t875 Thu 09-May-13 21:20:55

ah glad you had a nice time with your sister mummylin good luck for her moving back to you i bet that will be lovely for her and you to see the babies!!

Ohh boy had a wobble tonight mil was going on about going to g yarmouth for her hols and got this that and the other and i could think of was why isnt my mum here to be able to go on holiday and get all the nick nacks etc, i started getting upset and i actually thought she'd shut up but didnt!! I felt silly i know she didn't do it to be horrible as she is a lovely lady and we get on really well, she just wanted to waffle on about her holiday lol So i had to excuse myself and go in the kitchen for a good cry sad I just cant believe she isn't here anymore, i really want her here to be going on holiday and enjoying herself it is actual shit it really is and not bloody fair!!! HATE IT!!! :-(

mummylin2495 Fri 10-May-13 11:10:33

I understand exactly how you feel. I don't want to do lots of things now that mum isn't here to share it with me. I still get the urge to phone her and tell her something.
On a different note, I have a busy day coming up tomorrow, my friends son is having a wedding reception and I am doing all the food for 45 people ! This afternoon I am going to buy it all. They Are on quite. Tight budget and don't want anything too fancy so I'm sure it will all be fine. I have done it many times.
I hope things improve for you [t875] it makes you wonder if we will ever recover from our losses dosent it. I'm sure we will get there eventually, I just don't know when. Take care
Have a good weekend everyone, I hope it will be enjoyable.
[vlad] sending you good vibes, hope you have been dealt with now and you are not still having to wait x

Marshy Fri 10-May-13 17:07:31

Hi everyone,
Hope all ok. I've been reading all posts with interest and also thinking about mum no longer being here to share things with, although in truth that had been the case for a while as she was becoming more distant as a result of dementia, but even so would still ask after me, my DC and sister. I've been worrying about my teenagers the last few days and it's sad not to have her to talk to. Made me realise that there will be so many changes and transitions that she won't be here for, and that finally I do have to be the adult that other people turn to.
Have been feeling very tearful since the funeral. Can't quite work out how to feel better at the moment, but I guess I will.
Good wishes to everyone.

ssd Sun 12-May-13 19:30:29

hi everyone, sorry I've been quiet for a while, just a bit deep in thought these days

hope you are all doing as well as you can, I now that sounds daft, its not easy getting through, is it...

just a little story of something that happened yesterday....I was in my room, sorting out some of the photo's from mums house..was thinking of mum and dad and just felt really down and sad, have been feeling like that a lot recently...anyway looking out the window I seen a bird which I thought was a robin, flying around my garden. I thought it cant be a robin, not in May, I looked closer and seen it had an orange breast, it was flying near my window, I got a good look...then another one joined it, they looked like a pair. I was quite amazed, couldn't imagine seeing a robin at this time of year, so later on I googled the little bird and it turns out its called an American robin, seems to be very rare in this country...I was just amazed 2 of them turned up near my window just as I was thinking of my mum and dad........remember the talks we had about robins earlier in the year?

made me feel slightly less alone, maybe they are with me, I'm just struggling to believe in anything these days

the robins were lovely little birds, too

tass1960 Sun 12-May-13 20:14:08

I still have my mum's and my sister's phone numbers on my phone - they both died in 2009 - I won't be deleting them ever thanks

mummylin2495 Sun 12-May-13 21:22:59

Hello all. Have ad a very restful day as I was worn out yesterday doing all the wedding party food. It's amazing how much time it all takes. In the end I had backache , shoulder ache and headache ! Then had to go to the reception last night ! Was given a lovely bunch of flowers from bride and groom
ssd yes I remember the conversation about the robins, we have one etched on my mums headstone.
tass same here. How awful for you to lose both in the same year. I too have lost a sister,but she didn't have a mobile phone as there weren't many about when she died in 1989, but on my phone I have my mums number. Photo and her special song for her ringtone.
marshy glad to see the funeral went well, sorry you aren't feeling up to scratch, but it's early days and very new for you.
snowflakes hope you are doing ok and that your horrible neighbours are not up for causing you any more mischief.
t875 hope you are ok. Don't think it's going to be as quick as she hoped to move back, The plan she had when she left here on wednesday did not go down too well with her dh!!!
vlad you are in my thoughts, hope you Are getting lots of love and cuddles xx

mummylin2495 Sun 12-May-13 21:23:59

Where is biscuits I wonder. Hope you are ok ! X

likesnowflakesinanocean Sun 12-May-13 21:47:18

evening ladies,

how are we all?

i went back to mums house this week for the first time since planning the funeral there. was so weird but nice to see her husband and be at her house for a while, put me in a bull mood for the rest of the day so i lounged about on the sofa reading my book feeling sorry for myself. got savaged by mums cat made me laugh, that cat is a menace she jumped on and bit the vicar.

Went on the grandparents at 30 thread that pissed me off no end. im so glad i had ds when i did and my mum got five years with him. she adored him, would of and did do anything for me. pissed me off to see so many people going on about how they wouldnt cope/would throw their kids out ect. i wanted to yell at them that one day they might not be around for their kids and it might be sooner than they ever expected. but then i know its only because of how things have turned out that i feel that way so i stepped away from the thread

neighbours not causing trouble but same as usual, social outcast round here me!

thinking of you all xxx

zimmyzammyzoom Sun 12-May-13 22:45:26

Hello can I join the thread? Think I might've posted before but the thread for so huge and I didn't keep up with it. It will be Dads birthday on Saturday. He would've been 64, he died in October last year 10 days after my DT's were born. We were so close and I feel angry and sad my DC's won't know/ remember him (also have 3.2yo DS). We are going to his memorial garden to send balloons and lanterns to heaven for him. Can totally relate to those of you who have kept your loved ones mobile numbers and the frustrations with people who are still here, I almost swung for MIL the other week moaning about her 75yr old BIL and how he was so poorly he couldn't play bowls. wTAF? My dad didn't even get to retire. People don't mean any malice of course but its hard to listen to.

ssd Mon 13-May-13 09:02:28

zimmy, of course you can join in, anyone is welcome here, its a very supportive thread. I'm sorry about your dad, that is such a young age to pass away, you must feel very cheated. And yes to the insensitive things people say, I think most of us here have experienced that, sometimes its just mind blowing. It is hard to listen and shrug it off, I feel I've got a tonne weight on my shoulder with all the hurt and bitterness I'm carrying. But it does us no good, doesnt it...just really hard to shrug it off. Please post away whenever you feel up to it.xx

mummylin2495 Mon 13-May-13 09:05:17

Hello zimmy I hope you will have a good rememberance birthday for your dad. Your plans seem lovely. We had a similar thing to you where my sister gave birth to twin girls 4 months after my mum died. She would of been so proud. First twins we have ever had in our family. I too hate to see so many people moaning about a parent. Like all of us on here I know we would all give anything to have just 5 more minutes with our loved ones.
snowflakes I will find that thread and have a read. I think that sometimes people don't know how lucky they are to have what they have got. But I suppose until bad things happen no-one really knows how awful it is when we lose a parent.sadly everyone still has it to come.glad all peaceful for you. Still no chance of moving ?

SirChenjin Mon 13-May-13 09:15:37

Hi - another one wondering if she can join please? We lost mum suddenly last year in February. She'd been misdiagnosed by a GP who decided that she had IBS, despite horrendous weight loss and then latterly, bad hip pain. When a new GP did a home visit she was admitted to hospital immediately, scanned the next day and given the terminal diagnosis the next. She was riddled with cancer, and was unconscious less than 24 hours later. She died 3 days later. Dsis, Ddad and I were all able to stay in the hospital room with her, and because my sister is a nurse they let her do a lot of her care which was lovely. The staff were amazing, I can't tell you how grateful we are to them.

Some days it's OK and I feel fine, other days I miss her so much it hurts. I was driving to work the other day and a Buddy Holly song came on the radio - she was a huge BH fan, and I just broke down sad sad. I planted a clematis on the anniversary of her death this year, and it seems to be doing very well in the garden.

ssd - the weirdest thing, but I saw a robin with an orange breast over the weekend too smile

mummylin2495 Mon 13-May-13 09:36:49

Hello sirchenjin it's the little things that catch you unaware that hurts isn't it. In my mums case it's Roy Orbison that makes me feel so sad. When you hear certain music your brain instantly takes you back dosent it. It seems that you and your family had such an awful shock to find out about your mums illness. I am glad that at least you are happy with the care your mum received. Sorry that you have had to join this thread, but it has been an absolute help for me and others.

SirChenjin Mon 13-May-13 10:10:40

Thank you for the lovely welcome Mummylin, and hope that I can be of some help to others too. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum sad

It's true, it's the little things that really catch you out. I noticed that her favourite clothes shop was closing the other day, and felt quite weepy - whenever she came to stay she always liked going there. So many things really - things that the kids have done that she's missed, programmes on the TV I know she would have loved, books that I've read that I can't tell her about, our phone calls, the excitement of walking down to the station to meet her coming off the train...

As others have said, it's quite hard to hear people talking/moaning about their mums and you think, you have no idea how lucky you are that you still have her

mummylin2495 Mon 13-May-13 12:11:09

I have a book here that my mum was half way through. She had asked me to go and get it from her house amongst other things. Little did we know that in only a few hours she wouldn't be here. It was completely unexpected and I will never get over it. It is just unbelievable. I still have the book , one day I will read it. I still have loads of stacked crates with a lot of her stuff in that I could not bear to throw out. Her purse in her handbag still has her money in it, her mobile is here but of course not charged day I will charge it just to see if any text she sent me is still on there. I have her potato peeler, of all things, because mum touched it , oh so many things.she has left such a huge hole in all our lives.

karinmaria Mon 13-May-13 12:33:54

Hello everyone - can I join? My Mamma passed away at the end of January after two years of leukaemia. We were only given two weeks to come to terms with the fact there was no treatment left before she caught a chest infection. At least she was at home with me, my sis, dad, my DH and her brother.

I cry for missing her every day, it really hit me after having my son 6 weeks ago. Not sure how well I'm coping but at least I'm crying now which is more than I could do before baby came.

It's so unfair. She was only 62 and the life of our family. She'll never know her grandson (although he was good enough to kick from inside me when she was ill!) or see my sister settle or marry or be pregnant.

Strength and love to all of you. I don't think anybody expects to be in this position and in this much pain, but I suppose we just keep doing our day to day bits and life somehow goes on.

mummylin2495 Mon 13-May-13 13:15:59

Hello karin sorry you too have had to come on here. It's surprising how many babies have missed out on knowing a grandparent. Yes it's good to cry. I remember when my sister died I didn't cry for ten months , trying to be brave for my mum. I really paid for that as eventually I had to have about 3 months off work with depression. This time , losing my mum I have cried bucket loads. It's better to do that I think. How sad, your mum was so mum was older but I miss her like hell, just everything about her. It certainly helps to talk to others in the same situation though.

BiscuitsandBaileys Mon 13-May-13 13:36:52

Hi mummylin I'm here! Thanks for thinking of me, hope you're ok, bet that was nice to see your sister last week. I check the thread most days to see how everyone is doing.

ssd those little robins sound lovely, just when you needed them too smile

vlad hope you are feeling ok, {hugs} to you. Sorry you're having such a tough time x

I had a bit of a cry last night as we spent a few hours at my mum and dads house sorting things out yesterday. It just feels so wrong to throw out their belongings, I have kept lots already but we obviously can't keep everything. If I had my way I'd leave the house as it is forever! The house is where they moved to when they married 43 years ago, where my sister and I grew up, I don't want to clear it and sell it sad
Also had a bit of a crap evening as my dd2 had an accident and has broken her wrist sad

Hope everyone else is doing ok, t875, snowflakes and the newcomers to the thread xx

mummylin2495 Mon 13-May-13 15:10:21

Hello biscuits how horrible you have to clear the house, it's a horrid thing to have to do, but I have to say I bought so much home with me and still haven't got round to sorting it out. My siblings will have to have some more stuff cause I'm not throwing anything out !!! I have about ten big containers with stuff in. ! I don't envy you at all. When mums house sold I cried so much at seeing the sold sign up and I have never been down her road since. I would hate to see other people standing in her front garden.
Poor dd2 how did she do that , will she be in plaster for long ?

ssd Mon 13-May-13 17:40:26

biscuits, clearing mums flat was the hardest thing I've ever done, I was literally in bits. I had to do it myself, 3 weeks after she died. I still find it hard to accept my siblings thought that was ok. Different perspectives I suppose.

karinmaria Mon 13-May-13 18:48:56

Mummylin thank you for the kind words - you're so right about crying! I probably would have kept up my drought for a similar period of time had it not been for bub and ended up in trouble too. Does the hole left behind ever get easier to deal with? I hope so!

Biscuits I can't imagine what it must be like to do what you're doing at the moment. My sister and I have not gotten round to doing Ma's clothes yet although we made a start on her toiletries etc and that was hard enough. It's amazing how a whiff of perfume or face cream can bring memories whirling in.

mummylin2495 Mon 13-May-13 19:32:04

I could not face clearing my mums clothes at all but luckily my aunts stepped in and cleared the wardrobes for me. It was too sad to see her clothes hanging there. Oh god this brings it all back so clearly. I don't envy any of you having to do this awful job

t875 Mon 13-May-13 22:39:51

Hi everyone

Biscuits - Will get back to you, bless you having to clear the house, that really isn't easy, I didn't find it easy last year but then sorting out her shoes the other day i was a mess!! JUst makes it all so real.
poor dd having an accident, what a time. xx

Ssd I definitely think that was a sign with the robins and how weird there being two!! xx

mummylin- What a shame things arent moving along for your sister, bet she was hoping to get back up with you guys!

Vlad and snowflake - Thinking of you guys, hope things are going along better for you both xx

The the new people im so sorry to hear of your losses and we are here for you, it is a horrendous time and talking on this forum has really helped me through them hard times. xx

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