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A little hand holding please...

(511 Posts)
SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Fri 26-Apr-13 03:48:37

My gorgeous husband kissed ds1, aged 5, ds2, aged 3, and I, tonight, told us each that he loved us and went to play football, as he has every Thursday for the last 10 years.

38 minutes later, I had a call from his mate to say that he was having some kind of fit. By the time I arrived at the pitch, he was receiving cpr. Eventually we agreed they should stop at the hospital. He was 39 years old and the best daddy and husband one could hope for.

I'm lying here, wide awake, totally numb, and trying to think how to tell our beautiful boys that their super daddy didn't make it home.

I don't know when I'll be back on here., as I'm supposed to be trying to sleep, but just needed to say the words above.

saffronwblue Mon 12-May-14 12:00:02

Keep us posted survival. Can't believe you have another health issue to deal with. Life is just bloody unfair sometimes. I hope you get the answers you want.

Itsfab Mon 12-May-14 20:12:23

I hope it is a false alarm, survival and that your DS is okay too.

timetopost Thu 15-May-14 14:43:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trulymadlydeeply Thu 15-May-14 17:25:20

Goodness me you've had a tough year, Survival. However, you're not called survival for nothing!! Hope that you manage to stay calm for the hideous wait time, and that all is well with your health.
Lots of love and keep us posted. X xx

timetopost Sun 08-Jun-14 22:03:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timetopost Wed 25-Jun-14 19:05:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timetopost Tue 22-Jul-14 21:45:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Sat 23-Aug-14 00:30:59

Suddenly realised I hadn't updated on here for some time.

Ds1's cardiac issues seem to have calmed down for the time being. His test results came back unchanged, which is good news, and he will continue to be monitored. Having read about the Hand On Heart campaign on MN at the time when I was most worried about ds1, I nominated our village school for a free defib and we were awarded one. I feel much more comfortable leaving him there now in the knowledge that the very best medical equipment is there, should he ever need it.

Ds2 will start school in ten days. It will be a weird day, as DH came with us when ds1 started school. However, the lovely teacher who was teaching ds1 when DH died is still there and will no doubt give ds2 a wonderful introduction into school life.

We have had a very busy summer, like last year. We have been camping with friends, visiting people all over the place, cycling, swimming and generally keeping busy to try and stop the boys from fighting. I have booked them into a bit of sport each week to give myself a little break, although it has been interrupted twice by ds1 being poorly. On Monday we are flying to Newquay for a few days as a final adventure for the summer, followed by more camping locally with friends next weekend.

The boys are doing pretty well. Ds1 is struggling with his gastro issues and sometimes with his behaviour too. It is hard to know how much is about losing his daddy and how much is about being 6. Either way, there is no-one coming home at the end of a work day to ask if he has been kind and polite and it has certainly been a long holiday with lots of bickering and me being tired and less patient than I would have liked.

Next week it will be 16 months since DH died. It is astonishing to think that we have got through 16 months without him here. I still find the whole thing hard to comprehend. However, through our involvement with WAY (Widowed and Young) and also through a brilliant counsellor that I have been seeing for the last three months, I feel very different now. I know I can do this double-parenting thing and I am calmer about the boys' on-going health issues too. I believe in myself much more, which is key in my new life. I still cry sometimes, particularly, when I am tired or the boys have been challenging, but the good days now out-number the bad days and I am getting on with living. I am able to help other people out again, which is something I really missed in the early months. I am more able to see other people's points of view now, whereas initially I just had to concentrate on myself (and the boys) and my own difficulties.

I hope to pick up some supply teaching once ds2 has settled into school and have been enjoying working in the boys' school in the meantime. I also need a bit of time to regroup, to catch up on important jobs and to begin to think about the future and what it might look like. Once I have some ideas, I'll come back and update you!

timetopost Sun 28-Sep-14 23:19:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Tue 30-Sep-14 23:23:09

Thanks timetopost. I am intending to update my blog next month as we will hit the eighteen month mark. Goodness knows where the time has gone!

timetopost Wed 24-Dec-14 11:24:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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